To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

I'm never met any really good looking men until the day I walked into a car sales office and wow the best looking man ever was just sat there! He had a kind of glow about him that was almost angelic. I could have been his mum though so no hope for me there 😂
I've never met anyone as beautiful before or since! ( even dh said he was lovely and he never ever comments on men's looks , typical Leo that he is)
He Seemed a nice person too.

Being good looking absolutely ruined high school for me. The boys my friends liked always liked me and then they would resent me for that. I just sort of drifted from group to group and never had any confidence at all. Left school early because of it tbh.

Also people assume I'm not very smart but I'm actually very intelligent. When I tell people I have a degree they are sometimes shocked. Like someone can't be good looking and clever?

This is becoming less of an issue since I had kids and stopped sleeping.

It's very sad that so many of the women who have taken the time answer sensitively and comprehensively have said they won't be back because they're expecting to be ripped to shreds. I think that say a lot sadly.

I am not beautiful. But I look slightly pretty, with a slim hourglass body and large boobs for my frame. I also work in a very male dominated environment (think something like construction sites), and therefore get the attention of someone much more beautiful just because of lack of choice. It has taught me to be very very wary of men. And I am always in a serious relationship as far as work is concerned: that keeps all but the pushiest men at bay. But I don't have any real friends at work, don't feel like I can go on any work nights out (or if I do, I have always left by 9) and have none of the easy comeradarie that my colleagues have.

@supermoonrising

I have a friend who is pretty but not beautiful Never understood what this means. For me the most beautiful women are the prettiest women. And vice versa.

For me, the definition of beautiful is someone that is extraordinary attractive. It’s the epitome of perfection and for that reason, I would describe very few women as beautiful.

‘Pretty’ imo is a word used to describe a far larger number of attractive/nice looking women. Lots of women are pretty in my view but, beautiful I’d reserved for only the most attractive, which are few and far between imo

[quote Drunkenmonkey]@KeeTcat Why can't women know if they are attractive? Can they not know if they are intelligent either? What about funny? Does everyone have to pretend they are ugly stupid bores in case someone calls them conceited.
People can be honest online as noone knows you anyway, I would never ever say anything in real life.
Men don't have to deal with this shit.[/quote]
@Drunkenmonkey I absolutely agree with you. As well as being beautiful, still at the age of 37, I'm also unapologetically bright and knowledgeable.

I had a flatmate at uni who literally looked like a Barbie doll (a young girl even mistook her for Barbie once). You should have seen the attention she got from men, just walking down the street - wolf whistling, car horns beeping etc.

Despite being constantly harassed, I don’t think it got her anywhere as the men she got together with treated her like crap (and she caught crabs from one of them) and prospective employers didn’t seem keen to take her on.

@Morgan12

Being good looking absolutely ruined high school for me. The boys my friends liked always liked me and then they would resent me for that. I just sort of drifted from group to group and never had any confidence at all. Left school early because of it tbh.

Also people assume I'm not very smart but I'm actually very intelligent. When I tell people I have a degree they are sometimes shocked. Like someone can't be good looking and clever?

This is becoming less of an issue since I had kids and stopped sleeping.

Can relate to all of this.

Mean Girls hit the nail on the head with this

Good for you @KeeTcat

[quote Mindgoneblanko]@SummerHouse My childhood friend was once called ‘The prettiest girl in the school’ she’s still lovely, but not like back then (who is 🤣) I could tell she knew was attractive, but not as much as she actually was?
My work friend grew up with glasses and braces and was quite overweight and sort of blossomed in her late teens, she’s very fine to earth but they must know when they look in the mirror? I mean, if I was Angelina Jolie, I’d love looking at myself and taking pictures of myself 🤣[/quote]
A surgeon must have been paid handsomely to create Angelina Jolie's looks, so she probably does enjoy admiring their handiwork in the mirror. I mean she was always pretty, but if you compare photos of her when she was very young and then from about late 20's onwards you can see she has had cheek implants, a chin implant, her lips balanced out, a nose job, her eyes done and probably more.

Hmm. Growing up I knew I was attractive. The boys liked me, a lot of girls hated me. I would say, there are pluses and minuses to being attractive. I am now older and the attention on the streets have stopped. I am thankful for that. I hated getting whistled at, commented on etc as I walked by. I knew one day it would stop and I wondered if I would be sad, but I am not. I’m still attractive, just older and with kids always in tow, that might help keep them men from whistling and commenting etc 😀 I’m no Samantha Brook. Just telling you like it is. I’ve never had a problem making friends, but in school there definitely were girls that didn’t like me.

I had a friend who was very pretty and tiny and used to attract men like flies ( long time ago now) she is still a looker in her 60s and kept her figure too. There is hope over 30 or 40 or whatever! Age is but a number. Men though , they mature as they age , grrr!!

I don't think I'd like the attention of being beautiful. I'm very average looking - in my early 20s I'd say I had a pretty enough face but average, nothing mind blowing and a good body. I got pestered a bit at work from the men being a bit creepy and would get lots of messages off guys and never struggled taking a guy home (does anyone?). So if that's what it's like for an average looking person I dread to think what it's like for a beautiful person, especially the workplace creepiness.

Now I'm overweight and basically invisible and honestly it suits me. Just to reiterate I was always very average looking, not beautiful.

There is all kinds of research on the life advantages that come to people who are beautiful. But in reality, a lot of them dont see themselves that way. Or see it but still feel empty. Or have never bothered to develop themselves, because they relied on their looks to get by. So ultimately find their relationships unsatisfying. Or who get an in with people because of the things you mentioned OP, but who are discovered to be not beautiful inside pretty fast.

@Primark872

Actually amazed at people saying they've lost their looks at 35/36 wtf!

It’s the ageing processes kicking in sadly. The vast majority of women will start seeing the fine lines etc by 35 and by 40 it’s probably about 99% of women.

It’s not to say they don’t look attractive, but you don’t look the same at 40 as you did at 22.

Well imo beauty dims but doesn't truly fade, you can still be beautiful when older.

@KeeTcat

Women who are above average in looks or who are naturally beautiful don't tend to know they are that attractive. And if they realise they are, they wouldn't comment on this thread for fear of being called a Samantha Brick.

I disagree. I think we all know when we look good, or when we look bad. My mum who is now 72, was really stunning when she was 18,19. She was gorgeous. She will say now that she was gorgeous then, and is not now.

In society, women are never really allowed to say we look good, or that we are pretty. When is the last time you ever heard a woman say that she looks good? Usually she will be running herself down. Like if you compliment a woman on her dress, she will say "this old thing". etc

I only ever said once to some one else that I was pretty. When I awas 21, I wento out with a man six years older than me, about three to four times. I said to him that I thought I was pretty. I think because I felt I looked really nice that night. He wouldn't let me say it about myself. He said "it is much better if a woman doesn't know that she is pretty". How does that make sense exactly?

But he shamed me enough that I never, ever said it again.

I've a fair few friends who are models. I think they have a bit of a shite time of it, quite often. Shallow attractions, presumptions, jealousy, etc.

@mamaatthegym I had that as well, boys at school would call me fat and ugly, even though I wasn't the slightest bit fat and not 'ugly', but a few years later those same boys were trying to shag me

@Adric - really interesting- Tx for being honest.
I suppose (being an ugly f*cker) I have cultivated a ‘good personality’ as they say, which has seen me through life so far. I have a husband, great friends and make new friends easily too. I have to let my personality shine through my looks (my face really, my body is ok for my age and my hair is decent too esp when it’s ‘done’) so some ‘attractiveness’ shines out. I do get told I have a nice smile, but ironically I hate the lower part of my face the most!!!
Thankfully my teen DCs are nice looking - I was so worried they wouldn’t be!!! My mum used to say to me ‘you look nice when you smile’ - I tell mine they’re handsome/lovely face (not sure dd would want to be called pretty!) and I’m not lying.

I was tall and slim with straight teeth , baby face and ringlets to my backside. Always tanned, dressed very urban/ street. All my family have huge brown doe eyes too. I didn’t know I was attractive really as I had low self esteem and dated some real stinkers. At 37 I’m a bit chubby now ( 12/14) and haven’t had a wrinkle or anything droop yet. I’m completely grey though and have a sore itchy scalp for 3 days each time I colour it. Any one care to advise on how to fix that?
Also my c section scar looks like it was performed by Edward scissor hands on crack. I’m in no way glamorous and have never had my nails done or anything cosmetic really, my partner thinks I’m the dogs bollocks though and that’s all that matters. I’ve always wanted to be a pretty , girlie girl. Never could be arsed to put the effort in though . I think most beautiful women only compare themselves to other beautiful people so feel average if that makes sense?

@BlueBlancmange I honestly thought A.J was natural with no surgery 🤷🏻‍♀️

See i'm clearly just generically pretty as I don't think I have really encountered bitchiness or jealousy. At school I was popular & after modelling I worked in the fashion industry (so surrounded by women) & felt supported by my female peers & managers.

[quote Mindgoneblanko]@BlueBlancmange I honestly thought A.J was natural with no surgery 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
I thought AJ was naturally pretty too. In the photos of her as a child, she was stunning then too.

She may have had a few tweaks, but she had way above average looks before any surgery too.

I know a few beautiful people for whom doors have opened because people are inclined to help the pretty, lovely person (probably me included).

Most interesting is a teacher. Kids (primary and secondary) just want to please her. Before she's even opened her mouth. Earn a smile from the princess.

I think it's got to be a certain type of innocent effortless beauty though. Too glam and I reckon you get some of the behaviours others have described.