To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

[Bythemillpond]

I do think you get treated better if you are beautiful
I have seen friends in shops with an assistant running around after them, getting them what they want.
I go in to a shop am ignored or get really dirty looks from sales assistants.

I have turned this into an advantage.
Car show rooms have free coffee and biscuits. If we fancy going for a coffee then we now go and get a free one from a car show room.
No one has ever bothered us.

[Ddot]

I like I've said would love intelligence

[Ddot]

We all have different ideas of what is beautiful mine is audrey Hepburn I can't look at her without envy. Others its the more blonde bombshell type I also think the red hair and freckles are stunning. I asked my niece what she would prefer a body to die for or the face, she chose the body. I found that strange as you can change your body with diet and exercise.

[Goatinthegarden]

@Bringonthebloodydrama

"I think men do treat you differently and in my opinion do treat you worse. They don't like it when a woman, especially a beautiful woman is seen to reject them, their ego is doubly bruised so they tend to come back with nastier insults."

100%

Just playing Devil’s Advocate here. Surely it would sting more to be turned down by someone you believed to be less attractive?

On a number of occasions in my 20s, when I’ve politely turned a man down in a club, I have been subjected to abuse. It has happened to many, if not all, of my friends too. Actually shocking now that I think about it, but it was, at the time, an expected part of an evening clubbing.

Presumably it happened because that particular man on each occasion found us attractive enough to try it on, but we don’t know his actual motives, or thoughts, or even if he was sober enough to see our faces. That may not be the same as being considered universally beautiful though. I guess you could argue that the more attractive you are, the more frequently it is likely to happen to you.

But then some PP have suggested that their beauty prevented a lot of men from being brave enough to approach them, so maybe you could argue that statistically, more average looking people suffer more harassment and abuse from unpleasant men.

It seems to me that beauty is subjective anyway and it is impossible to know how much of a bearing your face has on your experiences when so many other factors, such as your personality, confidence and demeanour, are brought into each transaction that you have.

[OhWhyNot]

Yes I think men sometimes treat you differently

Being rejected by someone they perceive as stunning may hurt but I’m quite sure they would be just as nasty to all women I have seen men approach a young women who isn’t conventionally attractive offer to buy her a drink then laugh on her face and call her names

Some men are just nasty

[Bringonthebloodydrama]

"I think men do treat you differently and in my opinion do treat you worse. They don't like it when a woman, especially a beautiful woman is seen to reject them, their ego is doubly bruised so they tend to come back with nastier insults."

100%

[OhWhyNot]

For myself it it hasn’t been a burden

What was as a child that how I looked became a focus I wasn’t told how clever or talked I was my looks became the focus abs I became very self absorbed. Later I always picked men that i knew others thought I could do better. Losing my looks has made me more confident in myself or that might just be age. I always knew how attractive I was but believing people really liked me I didn’t (but that has a lot to do with my childhood too)

[Ddot]

your not in their shoes so who are we to comment

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just coming back to this thread. I was accused of being bitchy because I asked a poster to tell me more about the job she worked in as she said that it was a male-dominated field, she was given the job because of her looks, didn't actually like the job, you need to flirt and she was not good at that. I couldn't fathom what kind of job it would be, and genuinely didn't understand why someone would want to be in a job that they didn't like, whose skills didn't fit the requirements for the role, and who believed that they had been employed purely on looks. Who would want that kind of boss? I was honestly intrigued to find out more. I have a real interest in the psychology of people's motivations. There was no malicious intent at all in my questioning and I was actually a bit concerned that the poster seemed to find it amusing that she was in a job she didn't like with a sleazy-sounding boss who had apparently employed her for her looks not the skillset required. It doesn't sound like the type of situation that would be great for anyone's wellbeing or self-esteem.

It then turned out that the poster had a different definition in her head of "male-dominated field", which to me means that your COLLEAGUES are nearly all male and you're one of only a handful of females. Having a target MARKET is a different thing altogether, I would venture.

Interesting that the poster read my questions as something else entirely. If you knew me you'd understand that the last thing anyone would describe me as is bitchy. In fact various people have said throughout my life that one of my best qualities is always seeing the good in people and worrying over their welfare.

It's ironic that in a thread where people are giving accounts of how people jump to conclusions about them as a person based solely on a glance at their outward appearance, that someone has judged ME as a person and come to the wrong conclusion, purely based on me asking a couple of questions to clarify things, judged me as a bitch and refused to enter any further discussion.

No doubt that person will now have me down in their head as a jealous bitch type, without even knowing me, and yes, could well be an example of the confirmation bias thing that others have mentioned.

[Ddot]

Their are two types, those that embrace it and use it to their advantage and those that cant cope and end up in trouble

[Primark872]

I always remember as a teenager when a "friend" asked a guy who was prettier, me or her. He said both, presumably to be polite, but she kept pushing for him to choose, so he said her, and you could see how happy she was.

[Familyshopper]

Ha what age are you living in I’m 35 & am 100% not invisible

[Goatinthegarden]

This thread has been a very interesting read.

I have a face. I’ve always seen the same face staring back at me in the mirror. I like it because it’s mine. I don’t know if it’s ugly, average or lovely. I’m sure some people have an opinion on it, but I literally couldn’t give a toss what anyone else thought about it. Everyone else I know has a face too. I think they are all interesting to look at. I don’t really think much about whether someone is beautiful or plain. I’ve been attracted to conventionally good looking people and also less conventionally good looking people. Personality is important.

I do look after my skin and my body. I like to eat well and exercise (although I have had a brief period of being overweight) because it makes me feel good to know my body is strong and I love being active outside. I like treating myself to nice haircuts and I sometimes wear make up although I feel silly with too much.

I’ve had a nice life, quite an easy ride academically and professionally and generally feel I get treated well by most people (although I have met bullies and unpleasant people too). I imagine the opportunities that I have had have had a lot to do with my white privilege and comfortable, secure childhood. I have no idea whether my face has had an effect on any of this because I’ve always looked like me. I try hard to live by the ‘treat people how you would like to be treated’ mantra though.

It’s very difficult to know if your life would be different if you looked different. I hope I don’t treat people differently because of the way that they look but I guess I can’t be sure that I don’t.

[Ddot]

I WAS like I've said, classed as stunning, still felt slightly jealous of my much more beautiful friend but she was my friend and I loved her. Why would I be a bitch! To her. I've had lots of so called friends treat me badly over my younger days. treated by men like eye candy, my husband even complained that I wear my glasses and not enough makeup when with him, Ex now. I've had friends complain about too much attention on nights out, fall out with me because the man she wanted was interested in me. The fact that I couldnt keep a man was oh so funny, (well you'll get another) I wasn't even that beautiful, so if your one of those fabulously beautiful people I sympathise, I really do. I had about twenty years of beauty and its not bloody easy

[OhWhyNot]

I found once I got over myself thinking other women didn’t like me because of my looks it didn’t seem to happen so much

I don’t think I was harassed more but certainly having huge boobs on a small frame didn’t help

I don’t want to be defined by losing my looks. I’m not stunning anymore and that’s fine but I know some who struggle to cope with it

[LieLikeALoungeroomLizard]

The message In the twits book has alot to answer for

[LieLikeALoungeroomLizard]

Age not ate

[LieLikeALoungeroomLizard]

When you're young it brings a lot of unwanted attention, when you start getting older you realise how many opportunities came your way because of it, basically people treating you better and being extra nice to you etc, then when you start to ate its more of a challenge as your kinda losing something

So it's shit, great and harder and easier all in one weird mix

[HeadBeeGuy]

"I was pointing out that you belittled a woman that said she was by called her arrogant and said her remarks were stupid."

And I've already said that yes, I think they were arrogant and stupid and explained why. What's your point? If you think that going on about it is going to make me take it back then you're wasting your time, unless the poster in question returns to the thread to clarify why she thought pointing out that most homicides are committed because of jealousy (allegedly) was relevant.

[MrsLion]

I didn’t say that only beautiful are more unsafe or worse off.

I was pointing out that you belittled a woman that said she was by called her arrogant and said her remarks were stupid.

[ChristmasAlone]

I wouldn't usually openly say it but I am definitely beautiful. I am regularly reminded of the fact. I can assure you that I doesn't come without it's issues, mainly from women - although men are very grating.

There is always a preconceived notion I am a bitch, I have lost count of the amount of times other women have told me "oh I thought I wouldn't like you because I thought you'd be a bitch", like it's the most normal thing in the world to say to another person. I am very good at my job and hold a senior position, people often joke about who I gave a blow job to get there. I'm not only stupid, but I'm also a slag. I have been asked in front of ex partners what I see in them or them being told they are punching. Men are regularly overly nice, which is annoying but hot too bad but other females are completely standoffish and have ideas about what I'm like. I know it's all very much 1st world problems, but it's not nice.

[HeadBeeGuy]

Do you really not think that "ordinary" women can have difficulty making and maintaining friendships? Or are harassed by men? Or sexually assaulted? Even murdered?

As someone upthread pointed out, the "MeToo" movement was supposed to highlight how these terrible things can happen to anyone, but as soon as someone points that out, all the "beautiful" women on this thread fall over themselves to tell us that we possibly can't know what it's like and that they have it so much worse than the rest of us.(Although they still seem happy to accept all the preferential treatment their good looks bring them that the rest of us mere mortals don't get; we just have to deal with all the shitty parts.) It's not just your apparent lived experience that has been discounted on this thread.

Frankly it's fucking disgusting to suggest that the rest of us are somehow "safer" from violence and murder just because of our average looks as though these are things that normal women don't experience every hour of every day, but please continue to seethe over my use of the word irresistible.

[MrsLion]

How?
Why is explaining how being beautiful makes people feel unsafe and struggle with friendships being arrogant?

I don’t understand.

Is it just so unpalatable that a women might consider herself beautiful that she must be cut down as quickly as possible and made to feel ‘stupid’?

If a women felt unsafe or didn’t have many female friends for other reasons would that be acceptable to you?

It seems that being beautiful means not only the problem doesn’t exist, the women must be put in her place for being up herself by suggesting it.

Sort of proves our point nicely really.

[HeadBeeGuy]

Making stupid comments hinting about how their lives are somehow endangered by their beauty, or how they don't bother trying to befriend other women because we're all just spiteful and jealous anyway IS arrogant. 🤷

[Drunkenmonkey]

@HeadBeeGuy your post saying 'irresistable beauty' was designed to be belittling, to make her sound arrogant. Jealousy is a nasty emotion to be on the receiving end of. It eats people up inside, almost everyone has experienced feeling it or being on the receiving end in some form. So many crimes are committed to due jealous partners lashing out, so many controlling relationships are due to jealousy. Her post wasn't outrageous at all.

You can even see hints of it on this thread. If women post about their experiences others want to knock them down and belittle them, despite the question in the OP targeted at people who are 'beautiful'.