To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

[Goatinthegarden]

This thread has been a very interesting read.

I have a face. I’ve always seen the same face staring back at me in the mirror. I like it because it’s mine. I don’t know if it’s ugly, average or lovely. I’m sure some people have an opinion on it, but I literally couldn’t give a toss what anyone else thought about it. Everyone else I know has a face too. I think they are all interesting to look at. I don’t really think much about whether someone is beautiful or plain. I’ve been attracted to conventionally good looking people and also less conventionally good looking people. Personality is important.

I do look after my skin and my body. I like to eat well and exercise (although I have had a brief period of being overweight) because it makes me feel good to know my body is strong and I love being active outside. I like treating myself to nice haircuts and I sometimes wear make up although I feel silly with too much.

I’ve had a nice life, quite an easy ride academically and professionally and generally feel I get treated well by most people (although I have met bullies and unpleasant people too). I imagine the opportunities that I have had have had a lot to do with my white privilege and comfortable, secure childhood. I have no idea whether my face has had an effect on any of this because I’ve always looked like me. I try hard to live by the ‘treat people how you would like to be treated’ mantra though.

It’s very difficult to know if your life would be different if you looked different. I hope I don’t treat people differently because of the way that they look but I guess I can’t be sure that I don’t.

[Familyshopper]

Ha what age are you living in I’m 35 & am 100% not invisible

[Primark872]

I always remember as a teenager when a "friend" asked a guy who was prettier, me or her. He said both, presumably to be polite, but she kept pushing for him to choose, so he said her, and you could see how happy she was.

[Ddot]

Their are two types, those that embrace it and use it to their advantage and those that cant cope and end up in trouble

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just coming back to this thread. I was accused of being bitchy because I asked a poster to tell me more about the job she worked in as she said that it was a male-dominated field, she was given the job because of her looks, didn't actually like the job, you need to flirt and she was not good at that. I couldn't fathom what kind of job it would be, and genuinely didn't understand why someone would want to be in a job that they didn't like, whose skills didn't fit the requirements for the role, and who believed that they had been employed purely on looks. Who would want that kind of boss? I was honestly intrigued to find out more. I have a real interest in the psychology of people's motivations. There was no malicious intent at all in my questioning and I was actually a bit concerned that the poster seemed to find it amusing that she was in a job she didn't like with a sleazy-sounding boss who had apparently employed her for her looks not the skillset required. It doesn't sound like the type of situation that would be great for anyone's wellbeing or self-esteem.

It then turned out that the poster had a different definition in her head of "male-dominated field", which to me means that your COLLEAGUES are nearly all male and you're one of only a handful of females. Having a target MARKET is a different thing altogether, I would venture.

Interesting that the poster read my questions as something else entirely. If you knew me you'd understand that the last thing anyone would describe me as is bitchy. In fact various people have said throughout my life that one of my best qualities is always seeing the good in people and worrying over their welfare.

It's ironic that in a thread where people are giving accounts of how people jump to conclusions about them as a person based solely on a glance at their outward appearance, that someone has judged ME as a person and come to the wrong conclusion, purely based on me asking a couple of questions to clarify things, judged me as a bitch and refused to enter any further discussion.

No doubt that person will now have me down in their head as a jealous bitch type, without even knowing me, and yes, could well be an example of the confirmation bias thing that others have mentioned.

[Ddot]

your not in their shoes so who are we to comment

[OhWhyNot]

For myself it it hasn’t been a burden

What was as a child that how I looked became a focus I wasn’t told how clever or talked I was my looks became the focus abs I became very self absorbed. Later I always picked men that i knew others thought I could do better. Losing my looks has made me more confident in myself or that might just be age. I always knew how attractive I was but believing people really liked me I didn’t (but that has a lot to do with my childhood too)

[Bringonthebloodydrama]

"I think men do treat you differently and in my opinion do treat you worse. They don't like it when a woman, especially a beautiful woman is seen to reject them, their ego is doubly bruised so they tend to come back with nastier insults."

100%

[OhWhyNot]

Yes I think men sometimes treat you differently

Being rejected by someone they perceive as stunning may hurt but I’m quite sure they would be just as nasty to all women I have seen men approach a young women who isn’t conventionally attractive offer to buy her a drink then laugh on her face and call her names

Some men are just nasty

[Goatinthegarden]

@Bringonthebloodydrama

"I think men do treat you differently and in my opinion do treat you worse. They don't like it when a woman, especially a beautiful woman is seen to reject them, their ego is doubly bruised so they tend to come back with nastier insults."

100%

Just playing Devil’s Advocate here. Surely it would sting more to be turned down by someone you believed to be less attractive?

On a number of occasions in my 20s, when I’ve politely turned a man down in a club, I have been subjected to abuse. It has happened to many, if not all, of my friends too. Actually shocking now that I think about it, but it was, at the time, an expected part of an evening clubbing.

Presumably it happened because that particular man on each occasion found us attractive enough to try it on, but we don’t know his actual motives, or thoughts, or even if he was sober enough to see our faces. That may not be the same as being considered universally beautiful though. I guess you could argue that the more attractive you are, the more frequently it is likely to happen to you.

But then some PP have suggested that their beauty prevented a lot of men from being brave enough to approach them, so maybe you could argue that statistically, more average looking people suffer more harassment and abuse from unpleasant men.

It seems to me that beauty is subjective anyway and it is impossible to know how much of a bearing your face has on your experiences when so many other factors, such as your personality, confidence and demeanour, are brought into each transaction that you have.

[Ddot]

We all have different ideas of what is beautiful mine is audrey Hepburn I can't look at her without envy. Others its the more blonde bombshell type I also think the red hair and freckles are stunning. I asked my niece what she would prefer a body to die for or the face, she chose the body. I found that strange as you can change your body with diet and exercise.

[Ddot]

I like I've said would love intelligence

[Bythemillpond]

I do think you get treated better if you are beautiful
I have seen friends in shops with an assistant running around after them, getting them what they want.
I go in to a shop am ignored or get really dirty looks from sales assistants.

I have turned this into an advantage.
Car show rooms have free coffee and biscuits. If we fancy going for a coffee then we now go and get a free one from a car show room.
No one has ever bothered us.