To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

@BeautyGoesToBenidorm so you're assuming beautiful people don't or can't have a sense of humour?
So uglier the funnier
This is a perfect example of you being judgemental and negative towards a person because of their looks. But oh wait that doesn't happen right.

I wish more that I could really sing or play and instrument so I could entertain myself, surely you’d get bored of just looking at yourself if you were stunningly beautiful

@NoatheQueen - not at all. I know plenty of beautiful people with amazing personalities. What I was saying was that my sense of humour was all I had - I was bullied relentlessly for being ugly, spotty, and "looking like a yid" because of my nose (I'm Jewish, and that was quite enough for some of the bullies). I had to develop a sense of humour as a type of armour.

I'm going by my own experiences, mainly from my school years many years ago. I'm sorry if that's offensive to you, none was intended.

[quote NoatheQueen]@5128gap what's the point in reading personal experiences if you're just going to say no, no, no looks don't come into it 🤷

In my last post I listed examples of being treated badly directly as a result of my looks. This wasn't imagined and no I have never thought all bad experiences are down to my looks! but then again I've never been in a position where I don't like a person because they are good looking I just don't feel threatened but I do believe some women are so they take a dislike.

I think men do treat you differently and in my opinion do treat you worse. They don't like it when a woman, especially a beautiful woman is seen to reject them, their ego is doubly bruised so they tend to come back with nastier insults.

I get regularly approached and asked out on the tube, trains, in the street, cafes and if you get this regularly because of your looks then the law of averages will mean you come in to contact with more men and more arseholes.

Your post is wholly wrong. You're saying beautiful women are not treated any differently and it's in our heads if we are treated badly and we need to put up and shut up and be grateful for the 'advantages'.... In your mind what are the 'advantages' of being beautiful?

With the caveat that I am probably not as beautiful as I've been told/think.

And yes my looks have directly impacted my mental health, causing an eating disorder, anxiety, OCD, and depression.[/quote]
I am saying nothing of the sort. I am saying that the reason you are treated badly is not because you are beautiful it is because there are people out there who treat other people badly. Therefore don't blame an aspect of who you are for other people's behaviour.
I am also saying that every single example other than one persons experience of a rich man and a yacht has happened to me too, many times over the last 35 years, and I'm not beautiful. And to a lot of other people here who say they are not beautiful too.
What's the point if you reading our personal experiences if you're going to insist its just being beautiful that causes this type of thing?

DrSbaitso The one about bar service was a good one. Everyone hates being jumped over at the bar. It's annoying. Why would you take it as "bitchy women" rather than "annoyed at being overlooked" unless on some level you have a bit of confirmation bias going on? And anyway, isn't the barman the arsehole here?

The bar one was me. Bar was incredibly busy, lots of people waiting to be served. I stroll up, barman immediately serves me, ignoring several people who had been waiting longer. The woman next to me said something like "ugh" swiftly followed by "fucking bitch" in my ear, and caught me in the ribs as she spun round and stomped off.

@CirclesWithinCircles

DrSbaitso The one about bar service was a good one. Everyone hates being jumped over at the bar. It's annoying. Why would you take it as "bitchy women" rather than "annoyed at being overlooked" unless on some level you have a bit of confirmation bias going on? And anyway, isn't the barman the arsehole here?

The bar one was me. Bar was incredibly busy, lots of people waiting to be served. I stroll up, barman immediately serves me, ignoring several people who had been waiting longer. The woman next to me said something like "ugh" swiftly followed by "fucking bitch" in my ear, and caught me in the ribs as she spun round and stomped off.

To be fair, in my experience the etiquette when bar staff do this to point out that you are not next, and indicate the person who has been waiting longer. This is no way excuses an assault on you, but it would annoy me too if I saw someone take advantage of this, whatever they looked like.

The thing is that over the years I've learned to downplay all the nasty things that happen to me, as a result of how I look. The stalking, the being folllowed, the unfiltered nastiness from competitive women, the staring, cars hooting, cars blocking me in when driving unless I gave them my number, officials: from police, to lecturers, to doctors, all making passes when I needed help leaving me with the impression that if I respond the help will be forthcoming. When young, I played along and pretended, but now I just make sure I'm not in a situation where I need help. A couple of years ago I had to get police involved because of physical threats and an almost attack by a neighbour, the policeman told me it was because they were jealous and then placed his hand on my knee. I know that men like this prey on the vulnerable, I know this happens to a lot of women, but every time I have to contact a man for support it goes this way. Every single time. And after a lifetime of harassment, I no longer feel safe and I'm petrified for my daughter.

Most woman I know have had bad experiences with men or women but real nastiness because of jealousy is not fake it's a reality.

"The bar one was me. Bar was incredibly busy, lots of people waiting to be served. I stroll up, barman immediately serves me, ignoring several people who had been waiting longer. The woman next to me said something like "ugh" swiftly followed by "fucking bitch" in my ear, and caught me in the ribs as she spun round and stomped off."

Not saying that you deserve to be called a "fucking bitch" or get a dig in the ribs but can you not see how strolling up to the bar and being served ahead of people already waiting would piss them off? Why would you not tell the barman there were people in the queue before you?

There seems to be a lot of poor downtrodden "beautiful" people on this thread who complain about men harassing them or other women being horrible to them (newsflash: this happens to us average mortals too) but seem quite happy to take advantage of any preferential treatment coming their way.

And my time at the school gate is finally coming to an end. It's been hell at that school. From teachers and parents. I have to psyche myself up, make no eye contact, pretend not to. To ice the staring, snide remarks, etc. My anxiety is sky high at the thought that I have to do it again on Monday, but thankfully, only for one more term

In my younger days I could never get served in a bar, if bar staff were female! I've waited 20min and even people behind me got served before me. Once the owner noticed me endlessly trying only to be ignored. Manager asked her why she hadn't served me as I'd been waiting a long time, she just shrugged. Now if the bar staff were male no matter what age I got served. Now I'm old I get served when it's my turn, it's great.

I always wait aeons at bars because I’m short and not very assertive 😆

In my younger days I worked in a bar. Ashamed to admit this now, but we had a hierarchy of who we would rush to serve. It went older men, younger men, older women then younger women. Nothing to do with how good looking they were, based entirely on the likelihood of them tipping us.

I have a dear friend who is extraordinarily beautiful. I was gobsmacked when I first met her, she looks like a model. Who is bilingual and has an MBA . I was too shy to talk to her for months (we were colleagues) until we were assigned to work on a project together. Anyway I can confirm that she is very shy and insecure and also the kindest person I know. But she has had a lot of negative attention and bullying all her life, I assume as she is so pretty (and has resting bitch face). She has had to work doubly hard to be taken seriously as it is assumed she is dense/trophy wife etc.
I would love to look like her but I'd need a very robust sense of self esteem to go along with it!

@CirclesWithinCircles

DrSbaitso The one about bar service was a good one. Everyone hates being jumped over at the bar. It's annoying. Why would you take it as "bitchy women" rather than "annoyed at being overlooked" unless on some level you have a bit of confirmation bias going on? And anyway, isn't the barman the arsehole here?

The bar one was me. Bar was incredibly busy, lots of people waiting to be served. I stroll up, barman immediately serves me, ignoring several people who had been waiting longer. The woman next to me said something like "ugh" swiftly followed by "fucking bitch" in my ear, and caught me in the ribs as she spun round and stomped off.

OK, she was a cow. (Any reason you couldn't have told the barman that others were waiting before you?) But I still see no reason to think she hated you because she was jealous of your beauty rather than because the barman queue jumped you.

DrSabiatso OK, she was a cow. (Any reason you couldn't have told the barman that others were waiting before you?) But I still see no reason to think she hated you because she was jealous of your beauty rather than because the barman queue jumped you.

The bar was packed. I didn't really stroll, but I squeezed in and was immediately served. I was in my twenties, so I doubt it was due to my age. Its really not a big deal. And you didn't see the expression on her face.

I'm uncomfortable with some of the comments now being made on this thread, I can see where its going, so I'm bowing out now.

I do agree that jealousy can spark the worst behaviour in people of, totally hideous, but if I came to a bar and others had been waiting ages I'd tell the batman to serve them first!

@5128gap

Throughout my life I've been everything from unattractive, through to invisible, through to very attractive. I'm currently very attractive according to other people. This is due to how I have my hair, my weight, shape, and how I dress. Facially I'm ok, pretty enough, with no major issues other than looking older, but definitely not beautiful, and without flattering hair or if I was fatter, which doesn't suit me, I would be very plain. Given I've been both attractive and not, I can say with confidence that being attractive makes my life far nicer in every possible way. It's really the best of both worlds, attractive enough for the advantages but not so stunning that you get the disadvantages. I can also say that being very attractive is achievable for most women if they want it.

What's your weight, body shape and hair style that has strengthend your attractiveness?

Barman not batman
Batman can serve whoever the hell he wants!

"The bar was packed. I didn't really stroll, but I squeezed in and was immediately served. I was in my twenties, so I doubt it was due to my age. Its really not a big deal. And you didn't see the expression on her face."

Which was obviously due to her burning envy of how beautiful you were and nothing at all to do with blatantly queue jumping.

Shewas surrounded by an entire group of boys and girls once and a man did a u turn in his car, followed then and shrieked to a halt demanding aggressively that she get in. Thankfully the group surrounded her and the lads told him to get lost. But she still lives in fear with the thought of what would’ve happened had she been walking down that street that day alone....

Argh. Argh. Argh. I swear I'm not trying to start Sexual Harassment Olympics, but THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME. While I WAS alone. MORE than this has happened to me and I would bet my house that, sadly, it won't be long before other, more ordinary looking girls in your daughter's group start catching up. I can believe beautiful women may get it more but I have had so, so much harassment and street assault in my life that it's unreal. And I'm not beautiful! Some friends of mine who are further from the ideal (eg, high BMI) tell me that they get pretty equal amounts of shit, it's just geared towards telling them they're unattractive. All the prizes are TURDS. Sexual and street harassment is a huge issue. It wasn't just the beauties who did #MeToo.

You are showing how little YOU know by imagining that these revolting men are somehow discerning in their abuse and plain Janes couldn't be affected by it. They hate all women. We normal ones are not safe from them.

@the80sweregreat

I think that Samantha Brick is very pretty. She obviously had a lot of attention and was flamed on Twitter etc for writing about her experiences , which I thought was a bit mean at the time really.

Is she?

@CirclesWithinCircles

DrSabiatso OK, she was a cow. (Any reason you couldn't have told the barman that others were waiting before you?) But I still see no reason to think she hated you because she was jealous of your beauty rather than because the barman queue jumped you.

The bar was packed. I didn't really stroll, but I squeezed in and was immediately served. I was in my twenties, so I doubt it was due to my age. Its really not a big deal. And you didn't see the expression on her face.

I'm uncomfortable with some of the comments now being made on this thread, I can see where its going, so I'm bowing out now.

She clearly had no right to assault you and was entirely in the wrong to do that. But I still don't see why any of this means she hated you for being beautiful rather than because you queue jumped. That was pretty rude and selfish of you, especially since you don't think it matters. Are people not allowed to be annoyed by it?

This is what I mean when I say I don't doubt people's experiences, but I do doubt some people's insistence that it's all as simple as bitchy, jealous women. Why didn't you tell the barman others were there first?

@rosiedeus

The thing is that over the years I've learned to downplay all the nasty things that happen to me, as a result of how I look. The stalking, the being folllowed, the unfiltered nastiness from competitive women, the staring, cars hooting, cars blocking me in when driving unless I gave them my number, officials: from police, to lecturers, to doctors, all making passes when I needed help leaving me with the impression that if I respond the help will be forthcoming. When young, I played along and pretended, but now I just make sure I'm not in a situation where I need help. A couple of years ago I had to get police involved because of physical threats and an almost attack by a neighbour, the policeman told me it was because they were jealous and then placed his hand on my knee. I know that men like this prey on the vulnerable, I know this happens to a lot of women, but every time I have to contact a man for support it goes this way. Every single time. And after a lifetime of harassment, I no longer feel safe and I'm petrified for my daughter.

I was chatted up by my NHS mental health therapist. I reported him and he resigned. Did you report the policeman?

PusheenLove, my hair is currently long and wavy (it was always blonde but the colour is nicer as it grows) theres a lot of it and it frames my face, and distracts from my jawline and less than great bone structure. Shorter styles I have had in the past have had the opposite effect and made me look very plain.
My weight is at a level right for my height and frame, BMI 20 and at this weight I am 37 24 37 which looks better on me than when I carried more weight, as the excess was on my stomach.
In turn this makes it really easy to find clothes. Most things look ok on me now.