To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

I used to be beautiful, some of the time. It was something I could switch on and off. It took me to my late thirties to realise the same woman could be stunningly beautiful or completely very much not. I really turned heads in beautiful mode. Its 90% artifice and quite expensive. Hair cut, hair styled, nails, light tan, clothes, shoes, eyebrows done. Those beautiful women you know aren't naturally like that. They're pretending its natural. Especially the infamous current outdoor mode version ie Kate Middleton.
Without hair done or styled, nails in their natural bitten state, no light tan, undone eyebrows and older clothes and shoes I'm barely recognizable.

When I'm beautiful women are meaner, apart from shop assistants and receptionists. Men leer, but I do quite like their smiles.
When I'm not beautiful, women are nicer, men are downright rude, and so are shop assistants and receptionists.

Having said all that - I’d love to walk around town as a stunning 26 yr old to see what it’s like - I’m sure it would have good and bad.

I have been told I am beautiful by many people.
It is not a gift!
Most men particularly can’t get beyond it, and always have an agenda. I have never been able to trust my managers over the years, they would inevitably hire me for the wrong reasons. I am good at my job, I had to be to prove I deserved the job to my colleagues. In my younger years I lacked confidence in my abilities.
The worst issue was friendships. My best friend would say she used ‘test run’ her boyfriends commitment and whether they could be trusted when they met me.
Everyone stared or men would shout if I walked along the street. Walking into a restaurant, party or pub was anxiety inducing, as people would gawp rudely and openly.
Men made passes constantly. It’s annoying.
Boyfriends were insecure and jealous.
It has taken me ten years to build up friends that don’t care, now I am getting older it’s getting much easier. Still creates jealousy though. I def don’t get as many dinner or party invites.
So over the years it tends to be a strain more than gain. I do usually get sat at good/best tables in restaurants, high profile party invites and am given good customer service.
I would choose for my dd to look professionally competent/laid back good looks rather than strikingly beautiful if I could. Sadly they are both very pretty and already very conscious.

@Crystal90567

I used to be beautiful, some of the time. It was something I could switch on and off. It took me to my late thirties to realise the same woman could be stunningly beautiful or completely very much not. I really turned heads in beautiful mode. Its 90% artifice and quite expensive. Hair cut, hair styled, nails, light tan, clothes, shoes, eyebrows done. Those beautiful women you know aren't naturally like that. They're pretending its natural. Especially the infamous current outdoor mode version ie Kate Middleton. Without hair done or styled, nails in their natural bitten state, no light tan, undone eyebrows and older clothes and shoes I'm barely recognizable.

When I'm beautiful women are meaner, apart from shop assistants and receptionists. Men leer, but I do quite like their smiles.
When I'm not beautiful, women are nicer, men are downright rude, and so are shop assistants and receptionists.

Don’t quite agree - we call look better or not so good but some are just naturally stunning, it’s not gloss, it’s figure, cheekbones, teeth, smile, dimples, mane. Natural beauty. That’s different to d rubbing up well.

Seriously Crystal90567 are you saying when you are not beautiful shop assistants are mean to you. Im sorry I call bs I work in retail I have never ever observed my colleagues or been myself mean to a customer based on them not being beautiful. If that were true 99.9% of customers would have awful experiences in shops which is clearly not true.

I haven’t read entire thread.

When I was young (20s) I was beautiful, rich and very clever. As time went on, I’ve drifted towards the mean. I have an average, comfortable life and I’m ok with that.

@Ffsseriously

Seriously Crystal90567 are you saying when you are not beautiful shop assistants are mean to you. Im sorry I call bs I work in retail I have never ever observed my colleagues or been myself mean to a customer based on them not being beautiful. If that were true 99.9% of customers would have awful experiences in shops which is clearly not true.

This kind of thing is why I'm now wondering if a lot of beautiful women think that their experiences are because of their looks when in fact they are fairly universal. Not that it makes no difference, but perhaps not as much difference as one might think?

I'm not beautiful but people really aren't routinely rude to me. I share a LOT of these experiences, good and bad. I've been scratching my head a bit because I could have written some of these posts and I am not beautiful.

I'm reminded of the woman I spoke about upthread who believes she didn't fit into my art class because of her looks...but her looks were nothing special and anyway, it was her personality that grated. She was self obsessed and not very nice.

Plus, so many people who claim they were absolute raving beauties and never knew it. So it's not that obvious?

I disagree that beautiful women have to work hard to be that way. My dd doesn’t wear any make up, and looks after herself in the most basic way. Trims nails, hygiene only. And she is outstandingly beautiful.

DrSbaitso absolutely this is one of the weirdest threads it feels like a lot of delusion and misunderstanding is happening.

@Ffsseriously

DrSbaitso absolutely this is one of the weirdest threads it feels like a lot of delusion and misunderstanding is happening.

I wonder if a lot of it has to do with male attention? Perhaps the very beautiful don't realise how easy that is to get? My experience of men is that most of them, bless them, are really not that hard to please. And even the stunning men are often flirtatious with average women. Men like female attention in general.

DrSbaitso definitely lol

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I wish I was good looking!

I’ve been deemed beautiful at various points, but I frankly never knew what to do with it and actually lacked confidence. Being good looking means you don’t have to spend much time working on your personality, as people are drawn to you regardless. I’d say in my younger years I was really quite self centred and I used to check the mirror ten times a day to make sure I looked as fantastic as possible. Problem was, I drew attention not just from people I wanted but also all kinds of random weirdos, you’re not in control of that side of things when you look good

Much happier now that I’m older and although I still look ok, I don’t think about my looks day to day and just get on with being a decent person. I wouldn’t go back to those younger days, I didn’t really enjoy them, ultimately

There is beauty, and there is intelligence. An intelligent woman has a choice of how to be beautiful, and to a degree, which kind of beauty she wants to be, aesthetically. And with intelligence you can work out the steps to beauty, or a semblance of good looking. Averagely pretty, reasonably intelligent; a face cameras like is a huge bonus (I photograph like an envelope). I was, in my youth, pretty in an English rose style. It's not the look I would have chosen for myself, but now I am 64, and my focus is on looking great at 64, by dressing well and staying healthy and fit. I cover the bits of me that are showing time's ravages, and read a lot. I sometimes think that being old is more fun than youth. It's a lot less pressured for sure.

Your stats pertain to white women probably. Black and perhaps Asian women don’t age that fast. My black mum is mid fifties and has no fine lines or a wrinkle yet

I wish that I was photogenic. The camera really hates me.

Women of colour age incredibly well.

I feel that I must be really unattractive... I walked back from Tesco last evening & these 3 lads insulted me from across the road.
Men have always either been just pleasant to me.. or have sexually harassed me.. or worst of all have been really nasty to or about me regarding my looks.
Just as an example I sadly found out one male ex friend who I had a crush on called me ugly like a monster and had all his mates in our small town laughing at me behind my back.
I never got a boyfriend at school & have only had short flings, no man has ever wanted a long term exclusive relationship with me so now I'm 44 and it's too late to have children.
My looks have therefore ruined my life.

Luckily I have a small group of very good friends but I've had some very bitchy female & male colleagues.
Manly because I've always worked hard & I'm conscientious at my job.

My mum & sister are both very attractive but they tell me I'm too overweight (because I am). Men have always liked them.
They will talk about other women who are 'stunning' etc but don't comment on my looks at all even though I compliment them. So obviously im not pretty.

I would like to experience being actually beautiful, I would love it.

Was weird looking as a kid, then stunning, now just ok. It's hard to come to terms with, this old age sucks. For the record I lost my looks because I was Ill and am now past middle age. Just like to add I had a friend who out shone me in the looks department. Their is always someone better looking than you but who cares. I got alot of male attention but they only wanted short term relationships. Don't wish for something that rarely lasts, get your shit together get happy and trust me, health and happyness is far more important. You dont really appreciate how lovely looking you are till it's gone. You will look back at photos and say well what was I thinking, I'm fine

@maria860

I don't know whether you realise it but your values sound all twisted:

I’ve got a decent job on average intelligence because I knew the Boss liked me and I got a front facing roll in a male dominated environment which I don’t even like because I’m naturally shy when it comes to men and can’t flirt to save my life lol

Interested to know what kind of job this was, and why you say you don't like it because you're shy and can't flirt. In most male-dominated environments it's assumed you have to be "one of the lads" not flirt, as you suggest.

I want to experience being intelligent, must be liberating

I don't think I have ever flirted, professionally. In the 1970s, intransigent feminism was rather a dominant attitude. It was always first about how well you could do the job. I was horrified/scandalised when I returned to work in PR in London after years in NY, and someone suggested I enter a wet T-shirt contest. NY valued competent professional women, and promoted them, and I had no comeback ready. Fortunately, a very switched on bloke said, "Bryan, if it's a wet T shirt contest, we're entering you: your tits are epic". I have never ever been so grateful to a relative stranger.

I worked in performing arts in my 20's, and was considered attractive by most, (though personally, I think I had a better body, than face 🤷🏻) did some small scale modelling jobs between singing jobs etc. But was surrounded by generally attractive people, who took care of themselves for a living, so didn't feel like I stood out massively.
I will share one of the most uncomfortable yet, sort of flattering, moments of my life!! 😳
One of the female dancers I was working with (trim, pretty,long blonde hair) turned to the male comedian we were chatting to and asked why every man we worked with fancied me!! yes I was good looking but not off the charts (can't remember her exact words, but that was the just.....ie. she isn't prettier than me so why does she get all the attention)....awkward pause, but his answer..."confidence" pretty much that I was just confidently myself and not trying desperately to impress (I was engaged to my childhood sweetheart at the time, so wasn't looking for male attention)
I do think confidence and taking care of yourself does a lot of the work for you, without having to be a total stunner.
Hardly anyone would say it sucks to be attractive, but it most definitely comes with downsides.
The majority of guys I was friends with, would try it on at some point even though I made it clear I was happy in my long-term relationship. Insecure girls (of which there are many in the performing arts world) can be f*#king nasty when jealous.

AGEING SUCKS! I roughly was the same weight the whole of my life til I stopped performing at 31, then proceeded to have 2 babies in under 2 years at 35 & 37 and now I look in the mirror in disgust. I look fat and tired and scruffy and when you have spent your whole life looking fit, healthy and polished AND in a job that expects that of you and judges your appearance the minute you walk in the room, it is really hard to accept. I can totally understand how model and celebs ruin their looks with fillers and surgery when they get older. I am hoping that when the kids are a bit bigger and I have more free time, the gym and less biscuits will make enough of a difference, that I don't fall down that rabbit hole. 😂
So yeah, it's great and it's shitty!

I don't know how to word this without sounding boasty. But I guess this is my honest experience of life. I would say I'm pretty, men and women have told me im stunning. I was a bit nerdy in my teens and blossomed in my 20s.
My experience has not been nice. I don't have the self confidence, therefore people assume im stuck up. I've had women be jealous of me (I don't know why), I've been bullied and excluded from groups and tbh now I am a bit of a loner because I have alot of trust issues from old friends stabbing me in the back.
When it comes to guys they would always comment on looks. Never you're intelligent, caring, funny. Always looks. I've had unwanted male attention since a teenager and I hated it. I've been harassed and when just being polite to males they think I'm flirting. Men haven't treated me nicely. Sometimes I wish to be invisible and for women to want to be my friend instead of assuming I'm stuck up or becoming jealous.

So that is my experience, hopefully that didn't come across as boasty

I am genuinely surprised this is a topic of concern. My mother told me I would never be pretty just elegant at about 30! She was outstandingly beautiful, a Elizabeth Taylor copy. My daughter was a pretty child, catcalled by men by 9. Attacked at 12. She now seeks to disguise her looks. It breaks my heart but until we stop judging women on their appearance we have got nowhere. I am OK but I am having my blonde hair (highlights) cut off next week to be my natural pepper and salt. Do I care if I am beautiful? Actually I don't, I am kind, love my family and I am helpful to people. For me at 55, I am done.