To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

I don’t know. I had a lot of attention from men but I never felt beautiful. But then again, I can see I have been privileged due to my looks. I found it easy to get jobs, make friends, had a lot of compliments etc. But in my head, I have always felt that I am not good enough in every sense, including my looks. It is a shame that I couldn’t appreciate what I had really. I definitely think that now I am older.

@TableFlowerss Wow he sounds like a legend...oh sorry. Bellend. He sounds like a bellend.

One friend I met later in life was very beautiful in her youth and had so many awful experiences with predatory men, jealous women. It made me appreciate being middle of the road back then tbh

I'm not beautiful now but middle age ish and happy. Spent alot of younger years ugly duckling type thing. Had a period of being beautiful though, one summer in my 20s🤣 was super healthy, tanned, body looking great, hair shiny and lots of confidence. 2 incidents spring to mind, went on holiday and very very fit surf teacher type person literally did a double take when I came down for dinner, I was so unused to this sort of thing I was confused about that, and his later attentions!! On the same holiday I was by the pool, lounging in my bikini gazing into space (or so I thought,) looked up to see a girl standing and giving me the most evil death stare looks, I realized she thought I was staring at her boyfriend on the next lounger 🤣. Literally had never had that sort of reaction before, being seen as a threat. Very strange. So, yeah - for one holiday I was beautiful or hot looking at least!!

The popular misconception of young girls and women is that having facial work done eg lip and cheek fillers, brow tattoos, botox crazy false lashes and trowels of make up, is NOT beautifying or enhancing! They all look oddly similar, they are beautiful without it and it's a one way ticket to a future of ugliness whereby their skin is over stretched horribly. Look beneath our skin for real beauty and it will shine through.
None of my adult sons would date a woman who's had work done as its so obvious and that they look ridiculous. They're so right!
If someone is that insecure ask yourself exactly why.

Erm, well I was never beautiful but I think I was attractive in my late teens and early 20s. I was also really happy in myself and really enjoyed life which I think can make you more alluring. On the whole I attracted a lot of make interest and as I wasn’t strikingly pretty, didn’t have a huge problem with women. One or two older women in my place of work were pretty bitchy though because I was easy going and most people liked me.. lots of comments like ‘oh SHE can do no wrong’ etc
I can imagine it is doubt hard for beautiful girls on the bitchy women front

Define beautiful. Not everyone s cup of tea, is Angelina jolie. I tend to not gravitate towards the typical good looking person, because I stereotype they will be arrogant. Maybe this from experience, and have actually found typically attractive people boring and mundane!
Humour, wit and someone being very down to earth is far more attractive than physical beauty.

I’ve never considered myself to be beautiful or anywhere close to it but I’ve been told a lot that I am. My therapist once said that I had the ‘best calling card’, that doors closed to others would be open for me. I do know that I’ve been judged harshly because of the way that I look. When people have gotten to know me they’ve said that they assumed that I would be horrible. I truly believe that beauty comes from within...it’s so much more than physical.

Also I was a real ugly duckling as a child and often compared to my much prettier sister. Think short dumpy sister with chubby cheeks and dark frizzy hair vs slim blonde sister.
We were absolutely treated differently by everyone, even aunts and grandparents etc. My sister was aware and used to laugh about it. Anyway she managed to blag her way through life and as a teen I blossomed a bit more but was dedicated to education/work as I wanted to improve my life
Her looks have faded and she’s found herself close to 50 with no real career or backing as she was used to getting men and others to help her out. I’d say I got the better end of the deal really looking at our positions as adults

@speakout

BTW, being beautiful means you can be very, very picky about men. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 because I had so many boys trying it on with me that I waited until I found one whom I thought was special. Even now, aged 50, I have only had two partners.

Holy crap. So much wrong about that post I don't know where to start.

You may see things wrong with it, but I don't. Though I would extend it to self-esteem generally. On the whole, people with high self esteem don't go around shagging all and sundry, because they don't need the fake ego boost.

Sad story: I once taught a truly beautiful (and nice) girl whose mum was a booker at a modelling agency. She was quite bright but didn't bother with schoolwork: her brilliant future lay ahead of her. In her late teens, she was involved in a nasty car crash, which put paid to her nascent career.

[quote CallmeBadJanet]@TableFlowerss Wow he sounds like a legend...oh sorry. Bellend. He sounds like a bellend.[/quote]
I did tell him that! I think he wished he didn’t tell me how beautiful she was because it split up almost on several occasions!

I was always called beautiful teachers loved me and people wanted to be mates at school but I got bullied way more then any of my friends did. Being chased off the bus and having my long blonde hair ripped out by those cows wasn’t worth it.
I’m only friends with my childhood friends as women tend not To wanted to be my friend.
I’ve got a decent job on average intelligence because I knew the Boss liked me and I got a front facing roll in a male dominated environment which I don’t even like because I’m naturally shy when it comes to men and can’t flirt to save my life lol
I got a good job based on looks because I know others could do it better tbh but no one stays long in the job I do but the money is to nice to leave.
Men treat you like shit when your nice looking average friends always had better blokes than I did and seemed to go further in life in general.
I’m 34 now and obvs looks fade I’m ok with it I wouldn’t say I was overly Beautiful but above average and only five feet tall.
My looks have faded I’m not stupid enough to think I look like I did ten years ago I’m not phased by it though.
Beauty gets you so far but also you get negatives the girls at work never invite me out or even text me on maternity leave and I try so hard to fit in and be nice to them I over compensate by being too nice then get walked on.
I wish I had more female friends I’ve tried so hard to make them school moms etc but it never sticks it’s annoying.
I’ve got two close childhood friends one is stunning but wants to stay single and hates men maybe that’s why we stayed mates so long as she never dates.
My sister is stunning and looks like a doll and my mom and both grandparents were also beautiful but they also had tragic lives all my brothers are good looking too and my younger one constantly gets told how good looking he is I gather it’s a good gene pool I think men fair better than women if their good looking for some reason.
I think I would of rather had brains then i might not of met some of the dicks I had and stayed with them as long as I did.
I’m happy now though I don’t think beauty buys you everything it Defo doesn’t buy you friends.

I've doing a class and it has been amazing. Ione of the experiences has been exploring this ide of beauty and the skills that some people have to attract and be seen as beautiful. Think of the unconventional or the friend who attracts people but us not beautiful on paper. It has been amazing. It is a skill likely other. My confidence is flying. All the things I wish I had if I were beautiful are there.

Not a beauty but once I got to 23 I was suddenly considered sexy, which I think is a pretty crap deal
It's meant I have had very good treatment customer service wise from men, builders, taxi drivers,police etc but I find it very hard to wear feminin clothes without looking slutty, or have a conversation with a man without it starting to feel uncomfortable after 10 mins or so.

My most recent ex hurled it at me as insult a lot and it affected me quite deeply. I go out of my way now to not do my hair nicely, wear anything figure hugging, talk to people for too long.
It has been quite lonely when starting new jobs knowing that men are having a perv and some of the women are looking down their nose at me

I wouldn't say i was beautiful but I have been told that I was by men and women when I was younger, I think it does help people often help you for example if you can't reach some thing in a shop people offer to help without you having to ask, you get bogus drinks more when your out without doing anything to get them, I once got a free bus ride coz I only had a £10 note and the driver didn't have change so instead of giving me vouchers like he was supposed to he gave me a free ride, the girl behind me got vouchers! You get away with a lot by smiling sweetly! Once of my teachers said in front of the whole class that my smile really brightened up his day really embarrassing! I think you cat calls are the bad affect I used to work in a city centre I hated walking to get lunch coz I couldn't go anywhere without these, I got called Miss World by some randamor shouting out to me, shouting comments and whistles and then odd inappropriate suggestion or comment -the girl i used to go with thought I hadn't heard when she'd tell me people were calling out to me but I was just used to ignoring them!

I hate to admit this but I was classed as beautiful in my teens and in my 20’s however, I am losing my looks now in my mid 30s. I think the friends and family members who put a lot of emphasis on my looks have made ageing harder for me as I am now more self aware than I need to be. I was, and still am a shy, modest person but that wasn’t easy with the attention I received by people. If I’m honest, I wish I was smarter and more accomplished than I am, I’d give up some beauty for that.

When I was younger I didn’t have the confidence in my good looks and was treated badly by women in the workplace ... the chubby mums outside the school gates etc even once was told not to apply for a secondment at work as would be unfair to others as I would be at an advantage! I did not apply.
I was never aware of my looks as considered myself as presentable and not big headed as had a mother who was not the most complimentary.
I am now middle aged, same size and think I actually look better in a maturer way! My looks match my inner confidence and wow 🤩 I attract like minded people from all walks who don’t give a monkeys whether I look like Nora Batty or Angelina. Life is what you make it peeps... don’t get hung up on the physical... beautiful world out there!

Also I’m really against facial work like lips and stuff I know why women do it and I think it looks awful and fake please ladies don’t do it! They all looked better before too.
I think what you might think as beauty others won’t I bet you are more beautiful than you even think you are and I also agree beauty is from within ive met some really dull good looking people who wants that !

I was pretty when younger, but had a-ahem-strong nose which obviously spoilt my looks. I was self conscious about it and thought of surgery but then figured it never stopped me getting boyfriends or doing things as wanted so I stopped worrying about it. My daughter, though is beautiful and I sometimes look at her and think how on earth did I give birth to you. She gets helped with her luggage, freebies given to her, told by strangers in the supermarket how lovely she is, things bought and finds it easy to make friends so her looks are definitely an advantage. However, on the downside, she gets unwanted attention, men call her from their cars(started about 13) and judgements and comments based on her looks which people would never dream of saying to a plain person. A good friend of ours told her that if he saw her on the street or in a bar he would think she was so up herself he would completely blank her-luckily, she took it in good humour but it made me think people can judge her on something she’s not responsible for.

The wonderful Anne Lamott wrote “never compare your insides to other people’s outsides. It will only make you worse than you already are.” Life wisdom ...

it is called the pretty privilege and some women know how to use it. Helps to find a rich/powerful man but that does not bring happiness in the future!. Some women find it difficult and can be shy or even put on weight to hide it. You get it when you are young which doesn't help, LOL.

I don't think I'm sharp witted, but people laugh at my jokes, I think just because I'm beautiful. It's always obvious when they do it, it's possibly to win favour with me. Men do it because they fancy me, and women because they want to know things about me, or so I've found, usually to gossip about me.
I do find that people think I'm stupid, when I actually have a PhD. I rare
Y tell people, unless for interviews etc., I just play on the fact they think I'm dumb to get what I want. It's a skill I've learned over the years. And the ones that laugh at my below par wit, and fawn over me, are the ones that will give me what I want but also are the first to stab me 8n the back. One of my good male friends, owns a pet shop, I went in to buy a cat carrier and cat scratcher and he managed to serve me without leering at me. I was so impressed, I became a regular customer. Turns out he is gay. It's the measure of a person, I think, if they can manage to connect with you without basing it on your looks

@Twizzy22

it is called the pretty privilege and some women know how to use it. Helps to find a rich/powerful man but that does not bring happiness in the future!. Some women find it difficult and can be shy or even put on weight to hide it. You get it when you are young which doesn't help, LOL.

Yes, I've been married to two wealthy men, and dated a lot of wealthy men. Not by design though

I was really beautiful in my youth and I wasn't happy. I got horrible behaviour from men and learnt never to trust them. Men I really likes wouldn't go out with me because they felt intimidated, women didn't like me so I had few friends.
You also don't develop a personality because you don't need one.
I've lost my looks now I'm 60 and I only feel relief, no more unwanted attension, everyone wants to be my friend and use my personality now instead of relying on my looks.