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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be beautiful?

588 replies

Mindgoneblanko · 14/04/2021 18:37

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 15/04/2021 15:22

@Mindgoneblanko

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are? Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way? For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful
I've often wondered the same...
Nanny0gg · 15/04/2021 15:23

@Gobbeldegook

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Not entirely.

I think there are some people that everyone can agree is good looking/pretty at least

DrSbaitso · 15/04/2021 15:28

I'd completely forgotten about this but now I remember. Some years ago we had a new woman join our all-female hobby class. She wasn't a fit and from some public Facebook posts she made when she left, I think she thought we hated her for being beautiful and a model.

But she wasn't beautiful. Attractive, absolutely, but she was an alternative model so not a conventional beauty in the usual sense. Her photos were great but in person, she was obese (all photos were in mad waist trainers and highly stylised) and honestly nothing unusual to look at. Half the other women there were at least as pretty, not that any of us gave a toss about it.

We just got bored of hearing about nothing but her modelling and being shown her entire portfolio, while she never took any interest in anyone else. At several points she wanted us to do a group project based around one of her shoots and we just didn't like the aesthetic (like I said, alternative and stylised; her work was pretty much intended not to have mass appeal). When she found out some of the people there hadn't been to uni, she made a number of intellectually snobby remarks that left them really upset.

From what I can tell, she seeks convinced that the problem was us being jealous bitches over her beauty but I swear to God it wasn't. We've since had new members join us, early 20s, absolutely stunning, and we love them, they're great people.

StylishMummy · 15/04/2021 15:54

My BF is stunning - very pretty with big eyes, big lips, enviable figure and she's absolutely lovely with it. But she gets unwanted male attention regularly including being groped on trains/the tube. She's had issues at work where older women have been quite cruel and made jokes about her shagging the boss Hmm I'm happy being plain but I think it can be a blessing and a curse to be stunning

OscarWildesCat · 15/04/2021 16:01

I was told I was attractive/pretty in my younger days, sometimes still to en extent but I got a bit fat and got a few wrinkles which changed things somewhat. As a young teen/early twenties I got a lot of attention from men which in most cases I didn’t want. I did move up the ranks in my job quickly but I’m not sure that can be put down to looks, I’d prefer to say it was hard work on my part.

Youcunnyfunt · 15/04/2021 16:05

My mum tells me I'm beautiful, and it makes me feel wonderful Grin

Confidence and friendliness will get you a lot further in life than perfect features.

TableFlowerss · 15/04/2021 16:15

I tell you what is hard to swallow - being told your boyfriends ex girlfriend’s stunning.... by him 😫

At the beginning of the relationship when you ask about ex’s and things in hindsight you wish you didn’t ask etc.. 🙈 it wasn’t his fault, it was all in context.

And to be fair, she is the epitome of beautiful and stunning, really gorgeous 🙄😢 aww man I was gutted I looked at a photo of her, especially as I’m not anywhere near her league. Her new boyfriend is a millionaire so as you can imagine, he’d have his pick so that says it all.

Joking aside, it was hard to stomach because I thought, talk about going from the fillet steak to a burger and she was a nice lady by all accounts too.

I felt like I couldn’t compete at all and whilst he never ever made me feel inferior, I still felt like the consolation prize. I almost split up with him a couple of times because I felt like I couldn’t live up to that level of beauty.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 15/04/2021 16:20

@theworldsbiggestcrocodile sounds like me when I was younger . I honestly cringe looking back sometimes. Me now would loath me then Grin

SavannahLands · 15/04/2021 16:29

Being really Beautiful takes more than just Looks, it takes personality and kindness too. I have nursed some people with stunning looks, many of them totally false due to the amount of cosmetic surgery they had been through. Very few of them had a personality to match, many were selfish, rude and Arrogant and not nice people at all.

The one who will always stick in my mind came into have eye surgery as a Day case. They were instructed not to eat after midnight the previous evening, and to just have fluids on waking in the morning. They were booked in for the 2pm Operating list, but called in to say that they would arrive an hour later due to Transport problems. We finally got them into Theatre for around 3.30 pm, and started the procedure. It quickly became apparent that they were having cardiac problems and the surgery had to be stopped. We later discovered that this person felt that the advice we had given him was nonsense, and it was ok if he went ahead and wined and dined a group of business people for Lunch, including himself, and this was the true reason for his lateness.
He then vomited this Lunch all over the surgeon trying to help him, and extending his stay to an overnight under the care of the cardiologist, and being as he had acted against the medical advice previously given to him, he was not covered by his medical insurance for the costs incurred, and was faced with a hefty bill that needed to be settled in full before his discharge.
The rudeness and Arrogance continued right up until he left, clicking his fingers to gain staff attention, shouting ‘Hey you,’ if he didn’t get it immediately. He might have had Beautiful looks, but the personality that lived within was rotten down to the core!

We did get a bit of the last laugh though, his eye surgery had to end up being rushed to get him off the table quickly and upto Cardiology, so the final bit of sewing turned out to be a bit of a puckered bodge!

CroutonsAvatar · 15/04/2021 16:51

My first long term boyfriend broke up with me when I started to get better looking (lost the puppy fat, skin cleared etc) as he didn’t like the way I started to be treated, the attention and being asked if he was really my boyfriend and what I saw in him while he was standing right next to me. It seemed to happen more and more. People are rude. I totally understand it made him insecure, it made me feel like shit as well. In the end he said I’d changed too much. Which really made me question myself. I continued to be the same self deprecating, insecure girl I’d always been, but he didn’t see me that way anymore.

CounsellorTroi · 15/04/2021 17:07

@Tittie

In my early teens, I was overweight and had acne, and no confidence. I didn't look great and was bullied a bit.

I then discovered calories and found a medication that made my skin loads better. I lost loads of weight (too much really) and my skin cleared up, I learned how to wear makeup; Topshop clothes looked good on me, and I was a lot more confident. And suddenly, the popular girls started talking to me, and so did boys, and I got invited to the cool parties. The popular girls who had taken the piss the year before, now made conversation with me. Shallow twats.

Beauty is very subjective. I think that a lot is down to confidence and perception - if you think/know you look good, you're likely to act differently and hold yourself differently, and probably smile more. I think people are drawn to confidence. It's attractive.

It's often the case that pretty young girls prefer to hang out with other pretty young girls.

I was a very plain teen, glasses, braces and puppy fat. When the puppy fat went,I got rid of the braces and swapped the glasses for contacts, I had a very nice figure and nice colouring - blue eyed brunette - but I was still seemingly not attractive in an obvious way. No one asked me out until I was about 20. When I went clubbing with friends they copped off much more often than I did! TBH I feel more attractive now, pushing 60, and a bit overweight but loads more confident.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/04/2021 17:17

Couldn't tell you. Grin I've no doubt beautiful get ahead but not without jealousy and lost opportunities from other women.
My personal opinion is people are beautiful in all forms whenever they are decent and respectful.
You could be the most beautiful person in the world and have no self awareness or could be really nasty.
I know many beautiful people it's in the eyes they'd laugh if I said it to them.
The prettiest girl in our school many years ago had a hard life with an amazing personality she went far.

harknesswitch · 15/04/2021 17:18

I was never traditionally beautiful but I was more quirky in an attractive way.

Through my 20s and 30s I never had any issues attracting me

harknesswitch · 15/04/2021 17:21

I was never traditionally beautiful but I was more quirky in an attractive way.

Through my 20s and 30s I never had any issues attracting men (I'll finish my post off), and I do think that I had more opportunities, I don't think it was due to men wanting sex, I just think you get an easier ride if you're attractive. People seem to have more time for you and want to spend time with you.

I'm now old and fat and I definitely realise how blessed I was when younger. I feel invisible these days

I think people definite treat you differently

IEat · 15/04/2021 17:25

Everyday I ask myself how do other people cope having to see my beautiful face everyday.. I’ll never see anyone as beautiful as me so I can’t answer that question

nicoladuffell40 · 15/04/2021 17:27

Oh crikey, I’d forgotten her ...🙈

Whycantibeapuppy · 15/04/2021 17:30

My sister is beautiful and has always gotten her pick of the guys. I have always been the ugly duckling, overweight etc but with the brains. Although I was jealous in my younger days, I do think I’ve got the best end of the deal. My relationships are much more meaningful because they love me for me and not for how I look. With my sister I think a certain about of complacency has happened because everything she has has been through her looks and what people gave her, never worked etc. I’m proud that everything I have I worked hard for and got myself. I do have the most wonderful boyfriend too and I love my sister, we are just very different people with very different lives. I’ll stick to being an ugly duckling 🐥

HuntingCuns · 15/04/2021 17:30

Speaking from experience. It makes life a lot easier. Men will do anything you ask them to do. Women want to be friends with you, so long as you're not asking their other halves to do anything (which you wouldn't, because that would make you a shit). It's easier to get jobs. Everything is easier.

Ageing is very, very difficult, though, because you are so used to being beautiful (which also tends to mean 'young and beautiful') that it is hard to look in the mirror and see that you have lines and a slightly saggy jaw.

HuntingCuns · 15/04/2021 17:32

BTW, being beautiful means you can be very, very picky about men. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 because I had so many boys trying it on with me that I waited until I found one whom I thought was special. Even now, aged 50, I have only had two partners.

speakout · 15/04/2021 17:34

BTW, being beautiful means you can be very, very picky about men. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 because I had so many boys trying it on with me that I waited until I found one whom I thought was special. Even now, aged 50, I have only had two partners.

Holy crap. So much wrong about that post I don't know where to start.

Staffy1 · 15/04/2021 17:35

I don't agree that being beautiful brings problems such as making friends. If you have a nice personality people will like you. I have/had two absolutely stunning friends. The one that's still around has loads of friends and everyone likes her. The other one had problems with jealous women and always ended up with idiot men as she tended to play the damsel in distress and seemed to thrive on drama. The fact that one of them has had no problems with either and is very down to earth shows that these kind of problems are nothing to do with being beautiful, more to do with how you present yourself/personality.

speakout · 15/04/2021 17:36

Hiding this thread now. So much internalised mysogyny.

CallmeBadJanet · 15/04/2021 17:38

@Mindgoneblanko The most average looking person, i.e. the ones that don’t conform to what the “world” thinks is “beautiful” can be the most attractive because of how they make other people feel. A sense of humour is beautiful. Kindness is beautiful. Strength is beautiful. Intelligence is beautiful. Thoughtfulness is beautiful. Offering a different perspective is beautiful. Watching First Dates (teen or hotel) just underlines never to judge a book by its cover. Otherwise, the majority of people on the planet are excluded from being “beautiful”.

nevernotstruggling · 15/04/2021 17:40

@HuntingCuns

BTW, being beautiful means you can be very, very picky about men. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 because I had so many boys trying it on with me that I waited until I found one whom I thought was special. Even now, aged 50, I have only had two partners.
Yeh. Anyone 9 and below is so desperate they shag anyone that offers.

Ffs

Mumkins42 · 15/04/2021 17:41

When I was younger, yes, I was very insecure and wished I was beautiful as I noticed what you have pointed out re preferential treatment. Now though,I am a completely different person, have higher self esteem than I've ever had and couldn't care less - and I'm less attractive now. It's liberating when you leave this behind. Depends on your age, I imagine you're still quite young. Confidence and self esteem is absolutely everything I now realise. Those drawn to beautiful people may lack the substance that make people genuinely great to be around. I bet you've got loads more going for you than you actually realise.