To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

Also just remembered a youngish girl on my MA who was very striking looking and even though the course was largely middle aged people who should know better there was a LOT of bitchy comments about how dim she was when she absolutely wasn't.

[quote rarari]@SchrodingersImmigrant do you see her as pretty though or just average? [/quote]
@rarari above average, but not "stunning".
For me, Heidi Klum is in the stunning category. And Eva Longoria. And omg Penelope Cruz.
I don't know why

I’d say it’s quite the opposite of people being nice. I was often told I was beautiful, nice women would say they would like to look like me and I didn’t have to make much effort with hair and make up to get compliments. However, I think most people have insecurities and women would often be dismissive, rude or downright mean to me. Men on the other hand would always find it hard to look me in the eye or, worse, would be lovely until they made a move and then horrible however politely I declined. I’d like to think it’s a bit different now, Beauty products being what they are I don’t think beauty has to be natural like it was in my day, there are lots of beautiful women.

@Primark872

I find this thread kind of sad, it highlights how women are conditioned to believe they are their best in their teens and 20s and by the grand old age of 30-35 they've lost their looks, past it, etc. Yes your face will change slightly but it's very unlikely you look old. Someone like Liz Hurley still turns heads at 55, if you take care of yourself you can be beautiful at any age.

Not at any age, no, sorry. Care homes for the elderly are not generally stuffed with beauties. Wrinkles, jowling, bone changes, etc. do change things. I've seen a few 70+ still with great bone structure, but not at 90+.

"Someone like Liz Hurley still turns heads at 55, if you take care of yourself you can be beautiful at any age."

Also, is all of Liz Hurley 55 years old or does she have things done to her face/body?

I am mid-late thirties. I am called gorgeous and beautiful all the time by both men and women.

I've been propositioned multiple times by friends' husbands/partners. I am guessing this is down to my looks and not just my personality. I have lost friendships over this.

I have attracted a lot of unwanted attention over the years. I still get harassed in the street by men on a regular basis.

I find women are often unfriendly towards me. I just joined a dance community and the men are welcoming and friendly and the woman are competitive and unpleasant, but friendly towards the other women. I've found that it can be tricky to make friends with women. I do my best to be friendly and open, and interested in other people but it doesn't help sometimes.

I am currently seeking a partner and trying to dress nicely for dating but as a shy person dislike the stares and heads turning in the street when I dress half decent.

I'm very insecure. Looks have nothing to do with confidence.

I think that being beautiful is not ideal if you are shy, if you don't want attention from unsuitable men and if you want to make new female friendships. It may be better if you love attention.

above average, but not "stunning".
For me, Heidi Klum is in the stunning category. And Eva Longoria. And omg Penelope Cruz.
I don't know why

It's funny isn't it, I think PC is beautiful, EL is pretty/cute & HK is very attractive/sexy.

I preferred Liz when she was younger & more natural, I don't see her as beautiful but she's very attractive. Amazing bod!

I don't know how I feel about myself as I have such bad self esteem. I can only go on what experiences I have had.

From age 12 onwards I was getting so much attention from men. On the way to school, walking anyway, going out. One girl would even hang around with me to know what it felt like to get beeped and harassed when out. Which she really enjoyed.

Men have groomed me, assaulted me, raped me, abused me and controlled me. So why would I feel pretty?

My mother was always very annoyed with me and how I looked. I remember getting ready for a date (about the 4th date I think, DH) and she said 'when are you going to let him see the real you then, without all that make up on. Do you think he won't want you anymore when he does?' stuff like that.

My first office job, many of the men fancied me and made it very clear, and the women hated me. I was only 17. Making the tea and looking pretty I was told was why I got the job. Something nice for men to look at.

I've kept myself away for a long time at home, because when I go out, I get hassle from men. Even when I went out with DH, I got asked for a drink when he popped to the toilet!

I don't think I'm stunning at all. I think I could pass as pretty but not beautiful. DH says I'm stunning, but that's because he loves me.

I have awful body dysmorphia and when I look in the mirror at times, I see something just so hideous. There are no mirrors in the house apart from the bathroom.

I've started a new job and women have been very very difficult with me. So I'm working very hard on just being me. But part of me is I love wearing make up and nice clothes though.

Men think I'm stupid. I'm really not.

So while on the one hand, I know I was pretty as a teenager, I think I still must be now because of the attention, but yet I don't really believe it, I'm still worried about losing looks/getting old.

Having said that, I am getting more confident in myself as a person, and this job is doing wonders for me not hiding at home anymore.

@rarari

above average, but not "stunning". For me, Heidi Klum is in the stunning category. And Eva Longoria. And omg Penelope Cruz. I don't know why

It's funny isn't it, I think PC is beautiful, EL is pretty/cute & HK is very attractive/sexy.

Exactly. It's the perfect example of the subjectivity, isn't it😁

@Chocaholic9

I am mid-late thirties. I am called gorgeous and beautiful all the time by both men and women.

I've been propositioned multiple times by friends' husbands/partners. I am guessing this is down to my looks and not just my personality. I have lost friendships over this.

I have attracted a lot of unwanted attention over the years. I still get harassed in the street by men on a regular basis.

I find women are often unfriendly towards me. I just joined a dance community and the men are welcoming and friendly and the woman are competitive and unpleasant, but friendly towards the other women. I've found that it can be tricky to make friends with women. I do my best to be friendly and open, and interested in other people but it doesn't help sometimes.

I am currently seeking a partner and trying to dress nicely for dating but as a shy person dislike the stares and heads turning in the street when I dress half decent.

I'm very insecure. Looks have nothing to do with confidence.

I think that being beautiful is not ideal if you are shy, if you don't want attention from unsuitable men and if you want to make new female friendships. It may be better if you love attention.

I find dressing up for dating so tricky. Plus dating in general, so many men sit silently, or are just so nervous. Online dating, I've put my worst pics up, none dressed up or showing too much skin, so it's quite shocking when I show up. At the moment I'm on a slow burning flirtation with a man I like very much. Covid has at least given me the chance to get to know him, and him me, without so much sexual pressure. I really want to find a good man, but I wonder if I even know what a good man is

@rosiedeus Essentially it's someone who treats you with respect and who you find interesting. Physical attraction always wear off a bit once you get used to each other - even for gorgeous types like you! Plus, you don't notice what a person looks like as much once you've been together for a while, they're just "them" the person you love.

If you can talk and laugh together and they want you to live your best life, you've probably got a good one.

Interesting and quite disturbing thread.

I was not attractive at all until I hit 16, lost a bit of weight, got the braces off, and was shocked to be "lauded" as one of the "top 10 fittest girls" at my 6th form 😂. From then on, I almost always just got the guy I liked without a problem, was told all the time how beautiful I was, got all the jobs I went for...BUT I was completely insecure and never appreciated how pretty I was. I found there was a "sweet spot" for me when I had put a bit of weight on, so nice guys weren't intimidated and girls had an obvious flaw to focus on (strangers I mean, real friends of course didn't do this). I also had the sort of weird looks where one day I looked completely meh & get no attention at all, and the next for no obvious reason people stared and told me how absolutely gorgeous I was. Never have understood that.

To be honest, reaching 40 and having had 3 kids I feel relieved that the pressure to have a good looks day has diminished significantly...And that is a question of not being as bothered, rather than down to the ridiculous notion of being over the hill at 30!

I think you are right about people being attracted to those who are beautiful, I have never had any friends and relationships have been short lived disasters. Even my parents said how plain and unattractive I was.

In my early teens, I was overweight and had acne, and no confidence. I didn't look great and was bullied a bit.

I then discovered calories and found a medication that made my skin loads better. I lost loads of weight (too much really) and my skin cleared up, I learned how to wear makeup; Topshop clothes looked good on me, and I was a lot more confident. And suddenly, the popular girls started talking to me, and so did boys, and I got invited to the cool parties. The popular girls who had taken the piss the year before, now made conversation with me. Shallow twats.

Beauty is very subjective. I think that a lot is down to confidence and perception - if you think/know you look good, you're likely to act differently and hold yourself differently, and probably smile more. I think people are drawn to confidence. It's attractive.

Without sounding like a vain twat, I was beautiful when younger. It was awful looking back. I was so vain and I became obsessed with staying beautiful. So much fretting about it all. Now I'm early 50s , well groomed/attractive in an older woman sort of way but I'm plump and no longer beautiful. I'm so much happier this way!

I'd love to be beautiful for a day just to see what it's like. (I'm OK looking, better still with some makeup haha but I've never been "beautiful"). I've a feeling that, as an introvert, I actually wouldn't like the level of attention.

One of the juniors at work is absolutely beautiful. When I have a video call with her I get mesmerised by her face and stop listening to what she's saying. (I'm straight btw so not attracted in "that way" - she just has such an aesthetically pleasing face).

But it must be annoying/disheartening to have people not listen to what you say (she's very clever and capable) because they are too busy gazing at your beauty!

One of my oldest school friends is stunning, in her 20s looked like a young Brooke Shields, tanned, slender, gorgeous face. Everyone was just drawn to her, wanting to talk to her, be near her, she just attracted people. The added bonus is that she is (and was) funny, intelligent and kind. A perfect combo.

I'm more striking than beautiful.Pure facial beauty is totally symmetric face,small nose,nice,eyes,even lips etc. I've got a larger than average nose but I'd say I'm pretty,dh thinks so anyway which is all I'm bothered about.

I was considered really attractive when I was younger and to be honest I loved it. I can clearly remember walking down some stairs into a nightclub with lots of men looking at me and just feeling incredibly powerful. I actually ended up getting bit too cocky about it and I wasn't very likeable for a few years in my early twenties. I started to believe my own hype a bit and I didn't always treat people that well.
Thankfully I cottoned on to myself and stopped being such a divvy.

As I've got older/had kids etc I do miss the attention I got when I was younger. I lost a lot of my self esteem when the lines started to appear around my eyes and I've became very insecure. In fact I was having a conversation with Newish DP this morning about how I have a bit of imposter syndrome when I'm with him as I consider him to be so much more attractive in every way than me. It's a real problem for me nowadays so the shoe is firmly on the other foot of my bitchy younger self!

I'm not what anyone would call a classic beauty, my face is too angular & I'm not very photogenic but I have a few nice features, full lips, nice eyes and skin.

I was pretty at school but only once I got to my mid teens. Boys at school started to 'fancy' me and I used to get quite alot of attention, however, I was shy and abit awkward & I didn't have my first proper bf till I was 18!

I never had issues with other girls till I was in my final year at school - a small group of girls wrote some nasty things on the toilet walls about me and tried to spread rumours, they made the last 6 months of school pretty crappy for me. I was so glad I chose to go to college and they stayed on in 6th form! A couple of girls at college were abit weird with me, one closed a door in my face on purpose then laughed! Very odd! But other then that, I've never had any other issues with other woman. I've always had supportive friendships & nice comments from other woman.

I used to get told I was beautiful in my twenties - usually from other woman & customers in the shop I used to work at whilst at uni. When I moved to London, I seemed to attract more attention, I had a long term bf ( now my dh!) so never had guys falling over themselves at work over me, but I've had inappropriate comments and some unwanted attention from my so called lad mates over the years.

I'm 34 now, so still young but I look more tired now (having a toddler will do that!) I don't turn heads but I think I'm attractive still. I look after myself. My Dh still thinks I'm beautiful, as does my dear mum & I like myself, so I'm happy with that!

My daughter is stunningly attractive (not beautiful) with a lovely figure and bubbly personality. She also has a Masters degree and is very bright. The downside is - men often speak to her as if she is a bimbo, she gets unwanted attention eg. her boss (years ago) offering her a day off if she had sex still him (she was only 18 the dirty b...), men patronising her at work and a lot of men want to go out with her but they are not very nice and just interested in her looks, some women are bitchy to her and she was assaulted by a group of men (not sure if this was anything to do with her looks or not tbh) a few years ago. Not sure what the upside is apart from she does not have any hang ups about her looks and finds it easy to buy clothes with her being tall and slim. I have never been anything other than reasonably attractive having made the best of myself and not experienced the level of harassment she has. I supposed the best thing is to be happy with your looks whilst not standing out from the crowd.

It's interesting to see how so many people feel they stopped turning heads in their 30s yet other people say that's ridiculous and looks don't fade that early.
I personally think mine started to fade around 32, after my first child. I think part of the reason is tiredness and lack of effort with small kids in tow but I do think that glow of youth goes for most people around this time.
I look at my children's skin and it shines like silk in the sun, and their eyes sparkle. There is something so beautiful about young skin and women in their late teens/early teens still have that glow. I think there are lots of beautiful older people but the beauty is different.
I can look at a 50 year old woman and think, wow she is incredible, she looks great but it's not the same as the wow factor of a beautiful 20 year old. There's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean you are no longer attractive. I personally plan to grow old gracefully and not fight to maintain my old face.

I was told i was beautiful by a lot of people and got a lot of attention from men, now im overweight and almost 50 and it went in a flash. I am happily married and a happy person but I miss my looks and attention ,not all the time but sometimes.

I've always wondered this. One of my cousins who is the same age as me was absolutely stunning. She won major beauty pageants and knew very early on the value of her looks. Everything seemed really easy for her: always had great boyfriends, great clothes, amazing luxury travels (thanks to wealthy boyfriends), didn't have to work (thanks to wealthy boyfriends). She just seemed to have the best of everything and lots of opportunities. She married a lovely, funny, rich man and has continued to have an amazing life and went on to have two lovely DCs. She is in her 40s now and still pretty striking, although she is hitting the botox hard.