To be beautiful?

[Mindgoneblanko]

Aibu to want to be beautiful and to wonder what it must be like to be beautiful and know you’re beautiful? How does it feel, if you are?
Have you been aware of having more opportunities in life, people being nicer to you etc, based on your looks, or has it been detrimental in any way?
For the record, I’m not hideous, ok I’d say or was when younger, but definitely not highly attractive/very pretty/beautiful

I always wonder about that too, OP. I did not have a single instance in my life when a man showed active interest in me, all my relationships were where I took initiative / asked them out, and they just kind of went with it until a better option came along.

It would be really interesting to spend a day in an attractive woman's skin. I am not insecure about it anymore, it is more a scientific interest.

@TwitOrTwat

*allfurcoatnoknickers I'm a big believer in “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones*

Am I the only one who is genuinely perplexed as to how "not being lazy" is meant to change the features one is born with?

I wondered this too. What lengths equate not being lazy?

It does seem to me that there are a much greater number of beautiful people around these days. I don't know if it's to do with better quality make up, make up being more professionally applied via YouTube tutorials, regular maintenance from salons - lashes, brows, hair extensions. Maybe growing up they all had better nutrition, who knows.

Most young women look very polished and that adds to the whole "beautiful" vibe, plus confidence. I think in the 80s and before, most people just had a Rimmel lipstick and mascara. The beautiful young girls that I know now all have lash extensions, brow shaping, sun beds, hair extensions and gel nails as standard. It might all be fake but still gives the impression of glossy, glowing, beauty.

It must be hard to stand out as beautiful these days. There must also be a lot of pressure to conform.

I find this thread kind of sad, it highlights how women are conditioned to believe they are their best in their teens and 20s and by the grand old age of 30-35 they've lost their looks, past it, etc.
Yes your face will change slightly but it's very unlikely you look old.
Someone like Liz Hurley still turns heads at 55, if you take care of yourself you can be beautiful at any age.

forinborn same here. I’ve never been actively sought out and approached by men. They look right through me unless they’re being polite and/or charming because they want to appeal to my friend.
This thread has been fascinating to read.

Loving the feminist vibe on this thread.

Women are either beautiful or lazy.

Have I slipped back to 1953?

I am by no means full of myself- I have terrible self esteem, but I have blonde hair, very light blue eyes and an hourglass figure (which at the moment could do with shedding a couple of stone from it due to lockdown feasting like a piglet). In the late 90s and early 00s when I was a teen, this shape was a source of scorn to boys in my age group because I didn't have the 'heroin chic' look so favoured at the time and that really did a number on my confidence. I even had one tell me I'd be "so hot" if I didn't have hips!- but guys who were 15-50 years older were all over me. And so were the ones my age who felt they could do a lot thinner than me, as soon as they'd clocked the fact that I had very big breasts and had done since I was 14. I was fetishised from a young age because of these attributes and constantly being groped. Either the blonde hair and blue eyes, the hourglass shape or the big boobs made The Penised think they could grab me. My face is reasonably attractive, not that most men paused in their ogling and pawing long enough to notice. Except to comment that I had "blow job lips".

Honestly? It was not great. I was treated like paid entertainment by men when I went out with friends and as for women wanting to flock to you- well. I must have the wrong type of looks, because most were absolute bitches to me. Especially the ones around the age I am now. I'm 37 now, and women this age treated me as if I was some kind of Jezebel trash whore out to steal their husbands simply for existing in the same space as them! I had a female boss tell me to wear a minimiser bra because I was distracting her husband when he popped in and I've been blamed by a woman for someone sexually attacking a CHILD because I " obviously fired them up with wearing a v neck blouse near them." I expect the kind of attractiveness that other women want to be around is more Keira Knightly than pinup girl.

I experienced less of this after I had breast reduction, which I had because of the way I was treated far more than for the inconvenience of the size of them. Still fairly sizeable breasts afterwards, so it didn't prevent wankers, it just made me less visible to the ones who wanked over cartoon character proportions. As I got older, the more I went out with my children accompanying me, the less weird men have approached me. Have experienced virtually none of this during lockdown when everyone's been viewing each other like clouds of contagion. I also tend to dress in a certain era of vintage clothing now and the men who would find that utterly arousing are all in nursing homes or dead. And I never EVER get any man come up acting inappropriate when my husband is with me.

I don't think it's necessarily conceited to know you're beautiful. Most of us know what we're good at and if you see beauty in the mirror and people frequently tell you and model scouts approach you, well, you'd know.

I suppose it's more obvious than other things and affects your interactions more, but I don't think it's inherently a character flaw to be aware of how you look.

I was (but didn’t think it at the time) between the ages of 22-27 particularly. I got told I was stuck up by men and women (I’d never been accused of that before, or now I’m older and a mum. I was actually quite self conscious and tried to please, I really wanted people to like me.)

Had a few make friends who (surprise, surprise) didn’t really want to be my friend, which shocked me as I was quite naive. I had been a bit of an ugly duckling, and had never had lots of friends or been popular so it was a novelty that all these members of the opposite sex wanted to hang out with me. I had a lot of unpleasant experiences with the opposite sex during that time in general.

I posted on another thread the other day about becoming invisible, which I have more so since I’ve become and mum and gained a fair bit of weight. I’m alright looking, attractive I suppose, when I put the effort in, but I don’t garner the same attention I did. I’m so much happier for it!

I’ve been told that I’m beautiful, but I don’t see it in myself, so I’m very self-deprecating if anyone says it to me directly (as in “Oh God, you really need to get down to Specsavers!). However, I attended a course on public speaking at work a number of years ago, and apparently it’s not how you look, per se, but your confidence, that makes you attractive enough to be listened to and regarded as a respected authority on what you are presenting. As I’m very comfortable in my own skin, I was quite pleased to find that people really do pay attention to what I’m saying, which in turn made me even more confident and enabled me to apply for a promotion that has resulted in a really good career...
So I would agree that it’s more about self-acceptance and self-confidence as PP have said (and helps scare off any creeps, too, as they don’t tend to like assertive women very much!)

I also used to get asked where I got my hair done an awful lot! It wasn’t anything special and I don’t get asked now. Not sure if that was related.

I'm beautiful apparently, but didn't realise until I was around 12/13, which was when I started to become interested in boys. I remember the constant attention and favouritism as a child, to within my own family but definitely at school and ballet/ guides etc.
It's definitely a curse for me. I find it difficult to make true friendships, although the handful I have are those that I know love me, for myself and know me well, and those friendships have endured through the decades. But, I've been married three times and had a lot of relationships where I've been used by awful men. The decent men, the ones with good personalities don't approach me beyond staring.
The constant staring is something I live with, men trying to come too close for comfort, trying to touch me, and feeling entitled to do so. I can never dress up, I'm usually in trainers and leggings, rarely a dress. The summer is difficult, because my body is good, although I prefer to keep it muscular rather than booby these days.
I'm in my 50s, and I'm looking forward to being invisible enough to go about my day without problems caused by men.
I know it's not considered ok on Mumsnet to mention women disliking you for no reason, but this is usual for me. My ongoing problem is from a number of women on my street, including my neighbours, (especially next door where there are four sisters and a younger girl) who take it upon themselves to watch me and shout abuse at me at every opportunity. I've spotted them filming me and taking pics of me. It's quite stressful.
Waiting to be flamed now

Same here, I look at Angelina Jolie and feel nothing, I don't get the fuss about her looks to be honest, but it proves that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Perhaps also it's a case of people taking others at their own estimation. I'm thinking about the meaning of the word 'Jolie' in French. Supposedly this was originally her middle name and she later adopted it as her surname.

I'd have dropped it entirely, even if I looked like Christie Brinkley.

@Primark872

I find this thread kind of sad, it highlights how women are conditioned to believe they are their best in their teens and 20s and by the grand old age of 30-35 they've lost their looks, past it, etc. Yes your face will change slightly but it's very unlikely you look old. Someone like Liz Hurley still turns heads at 55, if you take care of yourself you can be beautiful at any age.

Yes you’re right, she does turn heads. Liz Hurley has always been beautiful though. She is one of the very few that I would consider ‘beautiful’. She doesn’t look like the averse woman, never has so it stands to reason that she’s going to still look glorious as she ages. Let’s not forget, celebs also have access to the best stylists and products that the average woman doesn’t...

I felt stunning on my wedding day (I think most brides do) but that’s because I was sat in a bar for an hour getting my make up done professionally.

I also think Joan Collins looks incredible for her age, however, most women that age don’t look like that.

@pictish you’re obviously lazy if you don’t carve your face and body up with surgery in order to achieve stunning levels

On a more realistic note, brains over looks any day.

Sat in achair

(@pictish - sorry just want to clarify, I wasn’t calling you either lazy or unattractive!)

Unfortunately can't speak from own experiences! But I see it in my daughter - she's maybe too young (17) to be 'beautiful' but she's very pretty, confident and does well academically. She also plays a male dominated sport at a high level. She is very much underestimated, I think mainly because of her looks, and that has brought her much upset and frustration over the last few years. She's grown into it a bit now and enjoys proving people wrong. She also struggles with girl friendships, especially groups, and 90% of her friends are boys - but she's been heartbroken more than once when a boy 'friend' says he luurves her, or when she gets accuses of flirting with a boy that's taken (which she doesn't do). Hopefully it will be better for her when she (and her mates) are a bit older :)

One of the most upsetting things about is jealousy from other people, and what forms it takes. Some women will attack other aspects of you because they can't attack your looks. So they will try to say an attractive woman has had life easy, or doesnt work hard, etc.

One of the most upsetting however is being accused of having plastic surgery/fillers. I've always had larger lips (I'm mixed race, it's inherited from my mother) and in this country, most people assume I've had lip fillers. Apparently, I'm meant to "take this as a compliment". I've had arguments about it with people who simply will not believe that I haven't. Apparently, I also look like I've had cheek implants and a nose job. Then again, I rarely wear make up, so some men feel fully entitled to tell me I look "nice and natural". I've had women try to "steal" boyfriends from me by being very flirty and throwing themselves at them. I often get bullied online by other women I don't know if I comment on things. I was in hospital for something recently and a man stared and stared at me so much that I called him out on it and he tried to justify it by saying he was staring because I was good looking. I wasn't in the mood and told him he was creepy and inappropriate.

Funnily enough, I have much nicer experiences outside the UK. Women aren't so jealous, men tend to "do" nice things rather being creepy, such as helping me with heavy luggage. None of this I take for granted as I'm quite shy and don't flirt or invite contact.

One thing I do know though - there is nothing more unattractive than someone literally contorting themselves with jealousy. It has to be one of the most hideous things out there. I've had the unfortunate experience of witnessing it too many times, and while looks might change over the years, basic personality and character don't.

I've been told since my teens and still get told at 51 that I am beautiful, striking, or gorgeous. I don't think I am, probably because I was fat and an ugly kid. When I was a teen I used to wear a lot of makeup and I was very athletic with a good figure including a 32F bust so thought it was because of that. However, at 50+ I don't wear a lot of makeup at all and I still get told this. I work with a lot of young women and a few of them have told me that they think I am a 10/10 and beautiful. I find that very flattering. My DH, my dad, and my brothers tell me that I am beautiful but then I think they are biased.

I think I have aged well. I am still a size 10/12 and I look after my skin and hair. I feel better about myself than I did when I was younger. I used to get a lot of male attention when I was young. I still get men staring at me, but they are around my age or older. On a daily basis, I don't make much effort but I can scrub up really well. If I dress nice, do my hair and put on some makeup I can look really good.

I don't get other women being jealous of me, probably because my friends are all actually very good looking so they don't care and they are not that shallow. I know quite a few women who I considered to be very attractive, but then as they got older they looked even better, and now in mid-'40s and '50s they look a million dollars.

The only pushback I have ever had is from my MIL and SIL. They are both massively insecure, especially SIL, and they would rather throw themselves into a firepit than say something like "Oh, Radioh, you look nice". Whenever I turn up looking half decent they throw each other looks and do the raised eyebrows/ closed eyes look to each other. They are like the step mum and sister in Cinderella. They have made quite a few comments about my looks in a derogatory way over the years. Once, we met one of their friends and the dad commented that I was very pretty. I was about 25 at the time. My MIL went nuts and said, "no she's not". When we were standing in the line to greet all our wedding guests, MIL was standing next to me and whenever someone paid me a compliment, as they do on your wedding day, she said "she doesn't normally look like this". She said it about 15 times. LOL.

TBH, I don't think I am that attractive, but I love how it winds up his mum and sister.

I find this thread kind of sad, it highlights how women are conditioned to believe they are their best in their teens and 20s and by the grand old age of 30-35 they've lost their looks, past it, etc.

I agree. As someone in my 30s who is definitely lazy & has put on weight, I don't think I have lost my face so to speak. I don't feel invisible at all

I am by no means full of myself- I have terrible self esteem, but I have blonde hair, very light blue eyes and an hourglass figure

This is not directed at the person who posted the above but I kind of find hair colour & eyes & often shape irrelevant to whether your face is beautiful or not as I see it as a composition of features.

Ashley Graham is plus sized but I think her face is amazing.

I heard the phrase “unthreateningly beautiful” the other day, which is a good sweet spot to be in terms of advantages without the disadvantages of jealousy etc. But I have some truly beautiful friends and they’ll be at airports and offered first class seats by men who just want them to sit next to. I wouldn’t say no to being that beautiful haha.

Radiohead, your mil and sil sound really horrible!
You obviously have just sucked it up over the years, but it's still not nice.
They sound very insecure.

They are the80's. TBH even if I had a face like the back end of a rhino, I still think they would be massively insecure and horrible to whoever DH was married to.

We once went to a family wedding and MIL/SIL went to a slimming club for a year, had a total makeover, fake tans, bought £500 dresses each because in their words "we want to make an entrance" and "everyone will be looking at us to see what we are dressed like". Honeslty, I shit you not. On the day 40-year old SIL had an absolute massive paddy because she didn't look like she wanted to. It was hilarious. They really were like the ugly sisters getting ready for the ball. They go way overboard and end up looking like men in drag.

Sounds mean, but they have both been absolute cows to me and yes I've had to suck it up.