To think swearing in front of a 7 year old is really wrong?

[goodbyeyellowbrick]

My friend has a 7 year old daughter whom she swears in front of. She doesn't swear at her daughter but she swears in conversation around her daughter (not constantly but she certainly doesn't censor herself). When I've asked her about this she's said that she's raising her daughter to not call swear words 'bad words' but instead 'grown up words' so as not to be a hypocrite. She says she doesn't feel the need to filter herself in that way for her child and that her child must learn that there is certain things adults can say that children cannot.

My friend knows I'm not comfortable like this and don't raise my children in the same way and so she respects that and does censor herself in front of my kids. Going to post a few examples of how she swears in front of her child -

'It's fucking outrageous to be honest'

'I can't be arsed with that sort of behaviour'

'I don't give a shit' etc etc.

AIBU to think this is actually really wrong? Every time she does it in front of her child I wince and tense up.

as parents we're meant to be setting an example. It's not about shielding them but about modelling the kind of behaviour we want to see from them

We are setting an example, and we're modelling the kind of behaviour we want....we want our children not to be sanctimonious up tight people who have a fainting fit if someone says fuck.

@Mybestestfriend

I think it depends on your culture. An Irish child who hadn't heard certain words by this age would be horribly isolated.

haha yeah agree, it's part of the language almost here

YABU.
Not everyone is terribly concerned by swear words. It’s very normal in my family to swear, and all the kids understand that they’re “grown up words”.
Swearing is part of normal adult life. When my son grows up, he will swear, and it’s ridiculous to pretend he won’t.

@Herbie0987

Swearing is just lazy.

Lazy how?

@Mybestestfriend

I think it depends on your culture. An Irish child who hadn't heard certain words by this age would be horribly isolated.

Ha I was just thinking that. My dd 8 can casually swears with the best of em. It's definitely a cultural thing.

In the UK it's considered shocking, but here it's just conversation.

@CathbadtheDruid

I am in total agreement with you, OP and find it hard to understand the majority of the posters on this thread who seem to think it is okay for adults to swear in front of children. Would they be happy if their children's teachers swore in the classroom in front of their children?

I'm sure they have done at some point

Thinking about it, I actually find it quite weird that some people edit the language that they use in front of their kids.

I mean, if you don't like swear words and don't swear at all, that's totally fair enough. But if you do swear, presumably you don't think that those words are inherently bad or evil, or whatever, so why would you be worried about your dc hearing them? Is it that you're worried about them being unable to judge when it's appropriate to use them or not? If so, why not just teach and model this, rather than pretending to them that you don't swear at all?

I'm like your friend. I swear around my kids, but not around others kids. If she respects not swearing in front of your kids I don't see why it's an issue. None of my kids swear around me. I'm sure the teens swear with their friends, but my swearing has turned them into foul mouthed kids.

Would they be happy if their children's teachers swore in the classroom in front of their children?

My dd's wonderful chemistry teacher swore on a recent video lesson. I couldn't care less tbh. As long as the teacher isn't swearing at the children, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Of course, teachers should avoid this kind of language in the classroom precisely because so many parents are uptight about it, but that's the only reason that it's an issue. The words themselves don't actually harm the children, you know.

Can you actually articulate why you think it’s wrong?

Think about it. They’re just words. All words can be harmful, even totally innocuous and acceptable ones used in the right context could offend and hurt someone (fat, simple, ugly to name a few). Surely it’s better to teach your children how to judge your audience and use language appropriately? For example, I don’t find the word fuck offensive so my child wouldn’t offend me but might offend their grandmother. Isn’t it better for her to know she can express herself using language in a safe place but not where it could offend?

To ban all words you deem “bad” is just lazy IMO.

YABU. Complete non-issue.

So it's alright to use words like cunt infront of kids? I pity the kids

Also, Ive noticed (and this is a generalisation) that the type of people who tend to get upset by swearing are usually ok with racism, sexism and homophobia - but if anyone says the word "cunt"... 😲😲😲

My dad was like your friend, he would sometimes swear in front of us at kids but we were taught not to swear as they were adult words. As an adult I rarely swear and definitely wouldn't infront of my parents. My dh doesn't like swearing around children at all and because neither of us is inclined towards swearing it is easy enough. Its just a difference in parenting if you don't like her swearing at your home, tell her so.

I agree OP, it's truly awful to swear in front of children.

What a surprise OP has vanished

I pity the kids

And I pity the kids who have parents that are unable to prioritise what is actually important in life and what isn't. Every person I know IRL who gets offended by the word "cunt" is actually quite happy to act like a cunt - being selfish, xenophobic, misogynistic etc.

Anna - now I'm a racist, sexist homophobe, because I hate the misogynistic word cunt?

My oldest is only 4 and we used to swear (very, very occasionally) in front of our kids, but oldest has made it known she doesn't like hearing those words so we don't use 'bad' words around her now.

Otherwise I don't really see a problem.

I don’t. But I wouldn’t be bothered (obviously as long as not swearing at child and child know that lots situations where swearing inappropriate).

Kids will not die from hearing some swear words.

I used to live i a country where English songs etc weren't censored, unlike they are here. So, you would regularly hear children speak in their native language and suddenly throw in an English sweary. One other expat Mum I knew even had to complain to her kids nursery teacher about it. The nursery teacher told her there was no problem.

I don't care about swearing, personally. I'm far more concerned about children's manners and morals.

To be honest I think we as a society make way too big an issue out of designating words as “bad words”

They are just words! Words that someone in history decided that we shouldn’t say.

usually they are said as an outward sign of an emotion. People are happy to hear words said in delight excitement sadness
Why not words for fear or anger?

@Rukaya Wanting your child to not swear isn't being uptight or sanctimonious It's teaching your child basic good manners.
Nobody has a fainting fit if they hear the word fuck. It's fine in an adult-only environment. But hearing young children swear makes me cringe. They learn it from adults, or from other children who've learned it from adults...so yeah, sorry, I think swearing in front of kids is vulgar and I would avoid people who do that.