To think swearing in front of a 7 year old is really wrong?

[goodbyeyellowbrick]

My friend has a 7 year old daughter whom she swears in front of. She doesn't swear at her daughter but she swears in conversation around her daughter (not constantly but she certainly doesn't censor herself). When I've asked her about this she's said that she's raising her daughter to not call swear words 'bad words' but instead 'grown up words' so as not to be a hypocrite. She says she doesn't feel the need to filter herself in that way for her child and that her child must learn that there is certain things adults can say that children cannot.

My friend knows I'm not comfortable like this and don't raise my children in the same way and so she respects that and does censor herself in front of my kids. Going to post a few examples of how she swears in front of her child -

'It's fucking outrageous to be honest'

'I can't be arsed with that sort of behaviour'

'I don't give a shit' etc etc.

AIBU to think this is actually really wrong? Every time she does it in front of her child I wince and tense up.

My parents raised me in the same way your friend is raising her daughter about swear words. I didn’t feel comfortable swearing until I was 18 and still don’t in front of my parents as someone in their early 30s. I curse under my breath when in pain and/or surprised (in a bad way), a lot in my head, and when talking with adults around but even then it’s for emphasis not every other word.

Unfortunately, my husband is a bit different in this respect but is learning quickly that he should ease up on the swearing since our 3 yo is like a sponge with repeating words and songs that he hears.

I do agree with your friend’s approach. Realistically, our children will hear swear words regardless if we censor ourselves or not whether it is just being in public, on tv, in music, at school, etc..

I'm so surprised at the majority at the posters on this thread! I'm not saying it's wrong or right to swear in front of young children, I just don't know anybody that does.

I'm amazed at how liberal everyone is. I certainly wouldn't like her to swear like that in front of my children. Show some restraint and show some respect of other's views. They're children !

I swear a lot. I do try not to in front of the kids, but if I slip up I just tell them they must never use words like that in class. It's not that big a deal.

I am a swearer. I’m not proud but I do what what your friend does. I too have a 7 year old.
She herself doesn’t swear.

@WhenPushComesToShove

I'm amazed at how liberal everyone is. I certainly wouldn't like her to swear like that in front of my children. Show some restraint and show some respect of other's views. They're children !

She doesn't swear in front of OPs child though. OP was very clear on that. She respects the view of the op when it comes to OPs own child. It's for her (friend) to decide what language is acceptable when it comes to her child.

I don't swear (except online where I set free my inner potty mouth 😁) I'm 47 and still feel like if I did my mother would come through the window like the monsters inc movie only instead of shavers it would be a bar of soap and a lot of shouting.

I don’t believe all the posters who claim they regularly swear in front of their kids but their kids don’t swear. Children mimic their parent’s behaviour

Rubbish. I drink wine in front of my children, they've never started swigging chardonnay. I drive a car in front of them all the time, they've never joyrided. I've done 4 million loads of washing and they've never spontaneously done that either (wish they bloody would).

Don't know about yours, but my children are fully capable (from an early age) of understanding that adults do and say a myriad of things that are not suitable for them to do. Like swearing. They know I can use words that they can't, and they don't.
Maybe you have not bothered to teach your children these things, but don;t make that about the rest of us.

I think kids mimic behaviours and I rarely swear in front of my kids and certain words I never say in any event, yet alone in front of my kids. However, both me and my husband have said “can’t be arsed” in front of my children (it turns out!) because my eldest had a light bulb moment a few years ago when she realised that we were saying “can’t be arsed” and not “can’t be asked”! Apparently she’d regularly said this thinking it was along the lines of I don’t want to do it so don’t ask me! Now all my children say “can’t be asked” jokingly.

Op I made a conscious decision to never swear in front of my dc & have never heard any of them swear. What they choose to do elsewhere is up to them. I hadn’t heard any of my friends swear in front of their dc either until they were at least mid/late teens.
At the preschool I work at it is obvious those parents who regularly swear in front of their children as these 2-4 yrs olds don’t know any different. Unfortunately other children then pick words up & say them elsewhere. I think it is extremely naive for parents to think young children won’t copy their parents.

I feel it is wrong to swear in front of children and never did it, neither did my husband - mind you, husband never swore.

In my experience it is the parents who swear AT kids who end up with kids who swear and use agressive language the most. Then it is parents who are uptight about swearing in front of kids who are more likely to end up with kids that have phases of swearing inappropriately because it is taboo.

Those kids that have parents that swear casually around them but not at them usually don't have any issues with their kids swearing and have more relaxed conversations with their teens because they aren't changing the way they speak so the conversation is more natural.

@Herbie0987

Swearing is just lazy.

Did you know that swearing can be a sign of intelligence?

www.sciencealert.com/swearing-is-a-sign-of-more-intelligence-not-less-say-scientists

I never really understand why people get so upset about swearing. They're just words?

I have never censored my language in front of dd. She knew as a young child that certain words were words for adults and didn't use them. Now, at nearly 16, I'm sure that she swears with her friends sometimes and she will sometimes use words in conversation with me if she wants to express a particularly strong feeling - she knows I don't care. She wouldn't use those words when talking to other adults, though, as she knows that some people don't like it.

She never swears at people, so I don't personally see a problem. I honestly don't know what harm people think can be done by a mere word.

Well I’ve never had any reports from school and that’s the only place they go so far so I’m pretty confident they don’t swear

😂 You surely don't think schools report to parents when a child swears?! Every school would need double the number of staff just to coordinate that!

I love swearing but would never swear in front of children and yes, I'd judge people who do. If I was near teenagers who were swearing loudly when my children were small I told them to watch their language and never had a problem.

I'm amazed at all these responses, really.

And what does 'grown up language' mean anyway? What else would you include in that?

I wouldn't like constant swearing in front of children - fucking this, fucking that etc, but the odd slip is ok

Swearing at children is an absolute no no IMO

We didn't swear in front of our dc when they were little. They are now 13 and 15 and we do (dh more than me, as I'm not very sweary really). They will be hearing constant swearing at school at their age, so it's not as if there's any particular point in trying to shield them from it at this stage. They have sworn mildly on occasion in front of us, and no doubt do so with their friends. They are intelligent and savvy enough to adapt their language to the situation and the company they're in, as reasonable adults do.

Really surprised by the responses here. I work in an industry where half the day is spent swearing and similar in social circles, but I would never swear in front of a child, its just so unnecessary.

What gets me the most is I assume these people who swear in front of children do have a filter and surely use it at the doctors or parents evening so considering your child worthy of less respect really grates with me.

I'm not a swearer, although I will occasionally swear and I don't censor myself just because my children are in the room.

I take my son to watch the football (or did before lockdown) and he's heard every swear word imaginable whilst there. We also were in the bank one day and a man came in and was clearly mentally distressed and was using lots of colourful language.
You cant prevent children from hearing swearing as it's a part of our culture whether you approve or not.

My son asks about words and we have discussions. He knows what words he can use and what words are rude and unkind and as far as I'm aware he doesn't use them.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable as your friend has respected your decision by not swearing in front of your children so you really need to respect her decision in not censoring herself.

but I would never swear in front of a child, its just so unnecessary

So's giving them chocolate. Since when was "necessary" any kind of metric with kids?

What gets me the most is I assume these people who swear in front of children do have a filter and surely use it at the doctors or parents evening so considering your child worthy of less respect really grates with me.

It isn't a lack of respect, though. I really don't see it that way at all. I have taught my dc that swear words are just words, a random combination of letters/sounds. There is nothing inherently bad about them, so I don't think it's remotely disrespectful to use them in our own home where nobody minds. We also both know that swearing at people is different because it is intended to cause offence - we never do that. Non-swear words can also be used to cause offence, and that is equally unacceptable in my view.

Regardless of the understanding that we have in place at home, though, dd understands, as I do, that some people have a problem with these words in and of themselves - either for religious reasons or because of some other inexplicable taboo that they have associated with them. Consequently, dd and I both understand that it's better not to use these words with people whom they might offend, so we would not use them when talking to doctors, teachers etc. That's just about being respectful of the differences between people, surely?

What gets me the most is I assume these people who swear in front of children do have a filter and surely use it at the doctors or parents evening so considering your child worthy of less respect really grates with me

It's more respect actually, but you're so busy judging you can't be bothered to think it through.

@HollowTalk I feel the same. I don't get people saying "oh but kids will hear those words at school". Sure, they'll hear and see all sorts of things throughout life but as parents we're meant to be setting an example. It's not about shielding them but about modelling the kind of behaviour we want to see from them.

It's not about shielding them but about modelling the kind of behaviour we want to see from them.

But that's the point, isn't it? Some of us don't actually have a problem with swear words used in an appropriate context as a means of self expression, but we don't ever use them with the deliberate intention to cause offence, nor do we use them in contexts where we might unwittingly offend someone who might consider them to be taboo. That's the behaviour that I want to model to my dd, rather than a blanket ban on the use of words which are ultimately just a random combination of letters and sounds.

I love swearing and swore profusely throughout my daughter's childhood. She hasn't once uttered one of those words in front of me, or at school. I imagine she swears with her friends but I don't see that as an issue. She turns sixteen in a fortnight and has an impressive vocabulary.