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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think swearing in front of a 7 year old is really wrong?

188 replies

goodbyeyellowbrick · 14/04/2021 18:14

My friend has a 7 year old daughter whom she swears in front of. She doesn't swear at her daughter but she swears in conversation around her daughter (not constantly but she certainly doesn't censor herself). When I've asked her about this she's said that she's raising her daughter to not call swear words 'bad words' but instead 'grown up words' so as not to be a hypocrite. She says she doesn't feel the need to filter herself in that way for her child and that her child must learn that there is certain things adults can say that children cannot.

My friend knows I'm not comfortable like this and don't raise my children in the same way and so she respects that and does censor herself in front of my kids. Going to post a few examples of how she swears in front of her child -

'It's fucking outrageous to be honest'

'I can't be arsed with that sort of behaviour'

'I don't give a shit' etc etc.

AIBU to think this is actually really wrong? Every time she does it in front of her child I wince and tense up.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/04/2021 18:30

I very rarely swore in front of my kids when they were little but I knew plenty of people who did in front of theirs, yet I can't say any of their kids picked it up really.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 14/04/2021 18:31

I swear.in front of ds.Not continuously but I don't censor myself.He knows what adult words are and not to say them.

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2021 18:31

If she doesn’t swear I’m front of your children what’s the problem?

I have the same opinion of your friend. My son doesn’t swear and he’s grown up hearing most swear words.

RubyFakeLips · 14/04/2021 18:31

I don’t know any adults who censor their swearing in front of their own children.

What is it that you’re concerned about, they will know a word exists? What damage does it do?

Adults get to behave in ways children can’t and vice versa.

Honeybobbin · 14/04/2021 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StormcloakNord · 14/04/2021 18:32

What was the point of this post? You clearly thought everyone would jump on your bandwagon and judge her.

It's not "really wrong" to swear in front of your children and it's child-dependent. I swear like a sailor in front of DD who is 7 but she never repeats it because she knows, like your friend, it's an adult word.

BurningGubbins · 14/04/2021 18:32

Agree with the consensus here - they're just words and I have no issue with using them in front of my children. Just like everyone else's children above, they know they are not words for them to use.

What harm do you actually think it can do?

Also, a cursory Google shows that studies have found that people who swear have larger vocabularies, so let's nip all that "it's lazy" in the bud. Choosing the right word for the right occasion is not lazy.

Riapia · 14/04/2021 18:33

I was often called buggerlugs by my DM. (Affectionately)😂😂

BoyTree · 14/04/2021 18:34

I think it sets a worse example to children to not respect other people's choices, especially when she clearly respects yours and modifies her behaviour to accommodate your preferences.

I'm way more bothered about my children being good friends and kind people than whether they swear or not.

Beebopawhop · 14/04/2021 18:36

@jewel1968

I swear like a sailor. My kids are very non sweary. I reckon they were never that inclined cos it wasn't forbidden fruit. I inadvertently did some reverse psychology. I have a book all about the history of swearing and some science behind why it is good for you.
Hiya which book is this as I definitely need to read it!!! The difference is in this thread my husband and I swear ..the older child swears but the younger one knows not to...
Hellocatshome · 14/04/2021 18:37

DH and I have always sworn in conversation in front of our kids, not on purpose really but it's just the way we talk and we don't censor ourselves (we censor the content we talk about though if you see what I mean). Our kids have never to my knowledge sworn in front of an adult, it tends to be those uptight about swearing that end up with toddlers running around screaming FUCK in my experience.

Tal45 · 14/04/2021 18:38

If she can sensor herself around your kids it's not really necessary for her to swear at all is it? I don't like it at that age but it's her choice and I would just concentrate on the fact that she respects your wishes.

JackieTheFart · 14/04/2021 18:38

well we're your friend so I think YABU.

rulesofthecar · 14/04/2021 18:41

I’m with you OP. I don’t really swear anyway, but I don’t like it around my children, and know very few people who do swear in front of their children. I just think it’s unnecessary personally. I’m glad she doesn’t do it in front of yours.

PaperMonster · 14/04/2021 18:42

Not particularly a sweary person but I do swear now and again in front of my child. She doesn’t swear - she just says that they’re words and that she doesn’t want to use them as she’d get into trouble at school. No big deal - I feel your reaction is a bit OTT.

Twattergy · 14/04/2021 18:42

It's not really wrong to swear in front of a 7 year old. Up to each parent to decide what approach they want to take. My parents swore when I was young, didn't do me any harm. I take same approach now I'm a parent. I'd be pretty upset if a friend judged my swearing in front of my own kids as wrong tbh. I totally respect any parent that chooses not to swear in front of their own kids too.

SchrodingersMother · 14/04/2021 18:46

Honestly? I would say all those things in front of my kids (ranging from 15 to 5). And none of them swear (well I'm sure the 13 and 15 year old swear around their friends, but they know not to swear around me, other adults or young children) they are words. She's not even swearing at her kids just around them. I really couldn't get worked up about this

itsgettingwierd · 14/04/2021 18:48

And I bet "in front of her dd" isn't actually in front as in deliberately directed at her being part of the conversation but rather whilst chatting to another adult and her DD just happens to be in earshot?

Wouldn't bother me either. I actually like the idea of grown up words rather than swear words.

I think swear does lead to that forbidden fruit type feeling and more like to encourage the boundary pushing by using them.

My nephew certainly did at that age Grin

Misty9 · 14/04/2021 18:48

I do swear in front of my children, partly because it's so satisfying to swear sometimes. But rarely at them and they know it's something only grown ups are allowed to do. Saying that, I do try to reduce my potty mouth and am frankly amazed that my kids don't use swear words in anger!

A friend is like you and I once let one slip in front of her child, who was on it like a shot and made a massive deal out of it. I think it's best to normalise it - my kids didn't bat an eyelid. Plus, we only have to stand near a teenager at the park and they hear much worse...

Somethingsnappy · 14/04/2021 18:48

@BurningGubbins

Agree with the consensus here - they're just words and I have no issue with using them in front of my children. Just like everyone else's children above, they know they are not words for them to use.

What harm do you actually think it can do?

Also, a cursory Google shows that studies have found that people who swear have larger vocabularies, so let's nip all that "it's lazy" in the bud. Choosing the right word for the right occasion is not lazy.

Larger vocabularies because they are bulked out by inventive swear words? Grin
DaydreamsAndWishes · 14/04/2021 18:49

I'm with you @goodbyeyellowbrick

I think there is a world of difference if the odd word slips out when exasperated and those where every other word is f this or f that.

The latter, IMO, gets children used to hearing that kind of language, and they do repeat it because it's what they are used to hearing. I hear a lot of swearing by kids at the primary school I work at. Some kids will say it when talking with their peers - not too bad when they're the older ages but not great when at the younger end. Some will use it at staff.

Some neurodiverse kids use it as they are not able to judge when it's appropriate or not IME.

tinofbeans · 14/04/2021 18:55

The consequence of swearing around kids is what we had last weekend at my son's party... 7 year old guest telling other children to fuck off, then saying 'fucking hell' when my husband told him to be polite.

Child is from a 'well brought up' family. I don't want my children behaving like that, so we set the example of not swearing in front of them. And yes, i did massively judge that child and their parents.

GrolliffetheDragon · 14/04/2021 18:58

I don't swear in front of DS, well not very often anyway, occasionally I have done without thinking but he seems to have survived.

He's 8 and has become aware of various swear words in school, but doesn't use them at home. He has asked what some of them mean and I've answered him. And a million other questions about why they're swear words.

I do think swearing loudly or aggressively in public is unpleasant.

MyGoMargot · 14/04/2021 19:00

Lol at everyone who thinks because their DC know they’re not allowed to swear, they don’t

Surely you’re not all this naive in RL?! Grin

Soubriquet · 14/04/2021 19:06

@MyGoMargot

Lol at everyone who thinks because their DC know they’re not allowed to swear, they don’t

Surely you’re not all this naive in RL?! Grin

Well I’ve never had any reports from school and that’s the only place they go so far so I’m pretty confident they don’t swear

I was brought up in a very sweary household and I never swore infront of my parents but did outside the house. Even then it wasn’t until late secondary school/college that I started to use swear words

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