To think swearing in front of a 7 year old is really wrong?

[goodbyeyellowbrick]

My friend has a 7 year old daughter whom she swears in front of. She doesn't swear at her daughter but she swears in conversation around her daughter (not constantly but she certainly doesn't censor herself). When I've asked her about this she's said that she's raising her daughter to not call swear words 'bad words' but instead 'grown up words' so as not to be a hypocrite. She says she doesn't feel the need to filter herself in that way for her child and that her child must learn that there is certain things adults can say that children cannot.

My friend knows I'm not comfortable like this and don't raise my children in the same way and so she respects that and does censor herself in front of my kids. Going to post a few examples of how she swears in front of her child -

'It's fucking outrageous to be honest'

'I can't be arsed with that sort of behaviour'

'I don't give a shit' etc etc.

AIBU to think this is actually really wrong? Every time she does it in front of her child I wince and tense up.

I wouldn't use 'fucking' or 'bastard' or any top level swears. But shit, bugger, ass ect... wouldn't bother me.

I've heard convos with no sensiring where every second word is fuck this and fuck that though and had to bite my tongue from calling those sorts of people out.

I think swears are brilliant for adding impact and humor and emphasis and so many other uses but I draw the line at people just swearing for the sake if swearing and I wouldn't want them near my kids.

I grade swear words, subconsciously. So I wouldnt say fuck, for example but I gave said 'bloody' and maybe 'shit' if I've hurt myself.

It's not the end of the world tbh. 7 is quite young to hear it but I guess your friend is helping her child to learn context and parameters?
Yanbu to not like it though. Youre entitled to your feelings. It's good she doesn't do it in front of yours.

Absolutely not. They're children and should have a childhood

Hearing their ma say fuck does not take their childhood away, you massive drama queen!

I think at 7 he's probably heard worse at school. My kids knew all the swear words from friends at school..and they knew not to repeat them at home..it's funny they in Thier 20's now and still don't swear in front of me and tell me off for swearing.

@teenagetantrums

I think at 7 he's probably heard worse at school. My kids knew all the swear words from friends at school..and they knew not to repeat them at home..it's funny they in Thier 20's now and still don't swear in front of me and tell me off for swearing.

My parents would probably tell me to fuck off if I "told them off" for swearing!

I think it’s fine, as long as it isn’t done in an aggressive way. This is also secretly what I think when any of the kids in my class swear (usually the boys saying “shit!” if they miss a goal in football), but I still go through the whole rigamarole of telling them off, consequences, phoning home if it’s a repeat offence etc as per the behaviour policy. I am a massive fucking hypocrite

@MixedUpFiles

I occasionally swear in front of my child and i don’t apologize for my language. They are just words. I don’t have a problem with her using any words either as long as she follows appropriate social guidelines for usage. We talk about the difference between home and public and between public and school/work. We talk about how the power assigned to words depends on the individuals and that different cultures find different words offensive.

Completely agree with this approach.

@SimonJT

Wouldn’t bother me, I swear in front of my son, he doesn’t repeat them as he knows they’re words for adults.

Same

Oh I do that too but as a mistake really not brazenly. I wouldn't want my kids to repeat it and get in trouble but do slip up sometimes.

I’m actually with you OP. I do not like swearing in front of children. I have never sworn in front of my DC or any other persons.

But... I do love swearing! I swear like an absolute trooper when they aren’t in the room or are in bed. Any swear word in acceptable to me! (Apart from racial or homophobic words) I can just somehow switch on and off (quite a lot of my vocabulary is swear related when talking to adults)

It wasn’t even the way I was brought up as my parents never and still don’t swear- I just don’t see the harm in it (for myself) and don’t understand why I think it’s so wrong in front of children.

So everyone is different and that the way life goes! If she is a good friend, then it’s probably just best to put up with it.

I think that you are lucky your friend is a lovely person who respects your position on swearing and censors herself accordingly. Focus on that. Her kid won't keel over from hearing some words so try to dial down the judgement before she notices your wincing and tensing.

I'm with you completely OP. I swear like a sailor but don't swear I front of my 7year old.

I have a friend that also swears like a sailor and does openly infront her kids and it makes me inwardly cringe too.

I remember walking into a room with 3 year old DD who turned to look at me, waving her arms about 'just look at this fucking place mummy'.

To be fair the room was a tip and she used it in correct context. I wasn't sure whether to be proud or horrified. But I did (mostly) stop swearing in front of her!

I can't take parents that have told their kids that swear words are for grown ups only seriously. How unquestioning must those kids be? It makes no sense, and the kids probably don't swear because they can hear that it doesn't sound very nice.

the kids probably don't swear because they can hear that it doesn't sound very nice

PMSL, have you ever visited Planet Earth at all?

doesn't sound very nice.

Swearing doesn't "not sound nice" just as words though. It's only because we've been socially raised to view them as bad or disgusting that they do. Some swear words in other languages sound beautiful to me, but they probably don't do the people of that country who have been raised to see them as "horrible"

I don't swear in front of my child but he threw out a vocal "bugger off Mammy!" during quiet prayer in church when he was about 2. He got a big laugh from the congregation. I nearly died.

My DM is the vicar.

100% he'd got it off my Dad

Just different parenting styles is all. Neither of you are wrong. Don’t judge your friends.

Doesn’t bother me. I swear in front of mine always have done. Their young teens now, they don’t swear (well not in front of me 😂

My mum won granny of the year when she spent the whole day trying to persuade DD1 to say dolly then involuntarily shouted bugger when DD1 escaped from her car seat on the M74.

DD1 triumphantly chanted bugger all the way up the stairs to our tenement flat back in the day.

DD1 is a delightful 10yo and our cosy bay windowed flat is but a distant memory.

However, that story and my mother’s (on-going) potty mouth are the stuff of family legend 🤣.

Swearing at children (unless under your breath)-wrong.

Swearing around children when the moment calls for it-human (and as the result of such parenting all I can say is that I still love unusual words and my irrepressible ma 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣).

I really don't think people should swear in front of children. But then we don't swear at all so maybe if we did then we wouldn't see it as such a bad thing.

I've sworn around my now DS9. He didn't bat an eyelid and I never heard him repeat it and now he tells me to put money in a sweat jar. I try harder now now to swear.

I don’t believe all the posters who claim they regularly swear in front of their kids but their kids don’t swear. Children mimic their parent’s behaviour.

My parents swore in front of me in my childhood, I knew not to use them, I don’t think it’s outrageous (maybe some words like the C are) but I would say it’s pretty standard

When I suggested that her sentence would benefit from a full stop my 4 year old replied "you do it Mummy, I can't be arsed"

Whilst not ideal, swear words do sometimes slip out around children. I try not to do it but it happens from time to time!