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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think swearing in front of a 7 year old is really wrong?

188 replies

goodbyeyellowbrick · 14/04/2021 18:14

My friend has a 7 year old daughter whom she swears in front of. She doesn't swear at her daughter but she swears in conversation around her daughter (not constantly but she certainly doesn't censor herself). When I've asked her about this she's said that she's raising her daughter to not call swear words 'bad words' but instead 'grown up words' so as not to be a hypocrite. She says she doesn't feel the need to filter herself in that way for her child and that her child must learn that there is certain things adults can say that children cannot.

My friend knows I'm not comfortable like this and don't raise my children in the same way and so she respects that and does censor herself in front of my kids. Going to post a few examples of how she swears in front of her child -

'It's fucking outrageous to be honest'

'I can't be arsed with that sort of behaviour'

'I don't give a shit' etc etc.

AIBU to think this is actually really wrong? Every time she does it in front of her child I wince and tense up.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 14/04/2021 19:58

I very rarely swear at all and definitely not in front of the kids. I’m just not keen, I don’t think it sounds nice and I hate hearing kids swear, just think it sounds horrible.

pointythings · 14/04/2021 19:59

When mine were that age we didn't swear in front of them often, only if there was severe provocation. But honestly, as someone whose kids have experienced 'really wrong' at the hands of their alcoholic and emotionally abusive father (and there was no swearing involved in said abuse), I think you're waaaaaay over the top in your reaction. No, it isn't great. But 'really wrong'? Hardly.

StevieNix · 14/04/2021 19:59

I hate hearing parents swearing AT their children obviously but I can’t get worked up about swearing INFRONT of them- especially as she respects your wishes and censors herself in front of your children. I think your friend just has just a different parenting technique than you and it sounds fine. I do try to not swear in front of my DS but I do occasionally and it’s not a huge deal to me, DS knows that he’s not allowed to say swear words.

DaydreamsAndWishes · 14/04/2021 19:59

I wonder which kids are the ones that swear at primary school then?

When we have to talk to some parents about some of the language used in school, those parents are surprised. I bet they too thought their kids wouldn't swear. It's worth remembering that a child's first role model is usually its parents (or main carer).

We also see a huge amount of it used on social media too because the parents bring it to our attention.

Skysblue · 14/04/2021 19:59

Yanbu, children imitate how adults talk, they can’t help it. They repeat this stuff at school where it gets them into trouble with teachers, and more importantly brands them a ‘rough kid’ from a ‘dodgy background’ which impacts on what they get invited to as they go up school.

I know two potty-mouthed kids whose mums can’t say a sentence without swearing. The kids are the same and tbh they don’t get invited to meetups anymore.

Calling them ‘grown up’ words is ridiculous and inaccurate.

Kanaloa · 14/04/2021 19:59

Obviously don’t have an issue with other adults swearing if they want to, also think it’s an overhang from growing up in an abusive household - swearing seems rough/aggressive to me.

sadpapercourtesan · 14/04/2021 20:02

A teacher swearing in the classroom is a completely unrelated scenario Confused because it's a professional relationship in a formal environment.

I think you've unwittingly struck right to the heart of the issue with that point though - the really important thing for children to learn is that different behaviours are appropriate to different situations. Mine knew very early on that they would get a proper roasting from me if they used a swear word on the bus (or any loud, silly behaviour) because it's inconsiderate of others who may have different standards, particularly older people. I might overlook a sputtered "shit!" after a stubbed toe in the privacy of our own home, though. Learning these distinctions is a part of socialisation.

WeatherwaxOn · 14/04/2021 20:03

I don't swear in front of my DC - yet. But I am well aware that they may have already heard some words, and are likely to hear all the others by the time they get to senior school (currently Y5) so will be looking at ways to broach the subject.
I don't pepper my conversation with expletives, but sometimes I have had to bite my tongue in the past. I think it sets a good precedent though as it shows that there is, as the old adage goes, "a time and a place."

I'm also keen to share some very funny comedy things which are mostly age appropriate - in terms of the actual thing that's funny - but do contain some of the stronger swear words.

WhoWants2Know · 14/04/2021 20:06

I swore around my daughters when they were school age, and allowed them to swear at home (depending on the words) from when they got their first period. That's the point where I really felt they had something worth swearing about.

I explained what words meant, so that they would be used in the appropriate context.

When I heard the things that were said to them (mainly by boys) at primary school and later on the school bus or even on the street, I was glad that they were confident enough to offer a fitting response.

WallaceinAnderland · 14/04/2021 20:09

It's interesting that she will censor herself out of respect for your child but not her own.

Oblomov21 · 14/04/2021 20:10

Total non issue to me. I try not to swear much, but I do occasionally. I very rarely in front of the children. I did swear badly once when driving, when someone cut me up very badly, and both ds's were horrified: "mummy"!

tttigress · 14/04/2021 20:13

Not good for the child, will cause them confusion when they find out swearing is not acceptable in all circumstances.

BTW swearing has been pretty heavily clamped down on in a lot of professional work places compared to when I started work 20 years ago, so I think you friend may be setting the child bup for problems.

KoshkaKills · 14/04/2021 20:13

I swear and blaspheme in front of mine (5). I don't consider can't be arsed as a swear tbh. Rude yes, a bit like crap or idiot.

She doesn't repeat these words. She knows they are grown-up words. We've has a chat. Sometimes she even tells me off if I drop a bad one.

Hankunamatata · 14/04/2021 20:14

You would bloody hate my house

Rukaya · 14/04/2021 20:14

YABVU and pretty weird OP.

Figgyboa · 14/04/2021 20:15

Sorry OP but I think your reaction to her swearing is over the top and dramatic...wincing? She's an adult, respects your opinion by not swearing in front of your kids, respect her in return.
BtW, arsed is hardly a swear word....

DaydreamsAndWishes · 14/04/2021 20:19

@sadpapercourtesan

A teacher swearing in the classroom is a completely unrelated scenario Confused because it's a professional relationship in a formal environment.

I think you've unwittingly struck right to the heart of the issue with that point though - the really important thing for children to learn is that different behaviours are appropriate to different situations. Mine knew very early on that they would get a proper roasting from me if they used a swear word on the bus (or any loud, silly behaviour) because it's inconsiderate of others who may have different standards, particularly older people. I might overlook a sputtered "shit!" after a stubbed toe in the privacy of our own home, though. Learning these distinctions is a part of socialisation.

I agree, @sadpapercourtesan, it's really important that's kids know how to respond in different situations. But we are seeing kids at school that don't know how to differentiate those situations and think it's OK to swear in school at a young age.
ImAlrightThanx · 14/04/2021 20:20

As long as the child won't be punished for using them I guess? I once heard a very classy lady telling her son to "stop fucking swearing you fucking twat" in Tesco.... Shock

Swear words are just words.

KoshkaKills · 14/04/2021 20:20

It's interesting that she will censor herself out of respect for your child but not her own.

I think it's more out of respect for the parent parenting differently. I have no issue watching a 12 rated film around my 5 year old, or letting them play Fortnite, but I wouldn't let these be played/watched by someone else's 5 year old if they didn't allow their own kids to.

Babymamaroon · 14/04/2021 20:20

Absolutely not. They're children and should have a childhood.

Swearing is for adults and just as I wouldn't expose my kids to any adult themes, I wouldn't swear in front of them.

SwedishK · 14/04/2021 20:20

I don't swear intentionally in front of my kids (now teenagers) but it does happen. They swear too sometimes and I don't make a big deal of it if it's not directed at someone in a malicious way.

Queenoftheashes · 14/04/2021 20:22

Why, that’s disgusting!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 14/04/2021 20:22

I am the same op - can't bear swearing in front of children but on the other hand l know it doesn't hurt them and there are much worse things you can do

KoshkaKills · 14/04/2021 20:23

Lol at everyone who thinks because their DC know they’re not allowed to swear, they don’t

I don't hear her swear at home and her school have never complained about her language, nor have other parents come to me to complain that their child has copied a swear word from mine... so if she does swear, I don't know where!

She's 5, I'd likely know if she did. Once she's a teen etc of course she's going to swear, but that's pretty normal and as long as it's not at teachers, I won't care.

MixedUpFiles · 14/04/2021 20:24

I occasionally swear in front of my child and i don’t apologize for my language. They are just words. I don’t have a problem with her using any words either as long as she follows appropriate social guidelines for usage. We talk about the difference between home and public and between public and school/work. We talk about how the power assigned to words depends on the individuals and that different cultures find different words offensive.

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