To be miffed at all the presents for being a wife and mother

[Creamcustards]

Inspired by the baby shower thread.

What is it that makes us ‘reward’ getting married and having children with money and gifts?! I mean, surely the joy of the marriage / the child is enough!?

Yes, I am single and childfree. Maybe a little bit bitter?!! When I get a pet or a new job or there some other happy event in my life I don’t get showered with gifts / money!

Grr.

[Commonwasher]

Good point.

What do you suggest?

[DilemmaADay]

@lazylinguist. Well bully for you, just because you've had a DC doesn't mean it trumps others life events such as getting a pet or a new job.... bit rubbish for those who are infertile, should they have nothing to celebrate as it's 'not comparable' to reproducing

[sadpapercourtesan]

On the plus side, you don't get showered with shit and vomit either

So there's that

[iMatter]

You need new friends

I buy my friends (small) gifts for new jobs, new pets, passing exams, binning an arsehole husband, finishing chemo, pretty much everything that ought (imho) to be celebrated.

[babbaloushka]

I think baby showers are for baby related gifts. I could give you a load of our old stuff, if you're that desperate, I'll put little ribbons on it and all.

I get your point though, but it's just in celebration of a big event.

[Mmn654123]

@Creamcustards

Inspired by the baby shower thread.

What is it that makes us ‘reward’ getting married and having children with money and gifts?! I mean, surely the joy of the marriage / the child is enough!?

Yes, I am single and childfree. Maybe a little bit bitter?!! When I get a pet or a new job or there some other happy event in my life I don’t get showered with gifts / money!

Grr.

Quite! Cut right back - give tokens if you must but no significant expense. It’s bonkers and they never think of others in return........

[Mmn654123]

@Boom45

People get presents from people that love them just for getting a year older too. Grrr.

But we all have a birthday each year. So hardly the same......

[AlrightTreacle]

I celebrate all these things, typically:

New job = offering to take friend out for lunch etc my treat to celebrate, plus maybe a new mug or some flowers.

New pet = something for the dog rather than the friend. Nothing for cats. Not a cat person. Soz.

Wedding = £50 bunged in a card if a day guest, £10/20 if an evening guest.

Baby shower = cute outfit and maybe some nappies, nothing for the mum.

Birth of new baby: card and a just eat voucher so they can get a takeaway.

[SelkieQualia]

In the past, when you were getting married or having a new baby, there was a whole lot of basic stuff you really needed, and most people wouldn't have had the money to just go out and buy; hence these traditions starting. These days, on average,
people tend to be more established when they get married and have babies, and the cost of goods is lower, so they can buy their own stuff. It means the gift giving is now symbolic instead of practical ( and therefore often a bit of a waste).

[TheOneWithTheBigNose]

I kind of see your point about weddings, although wedding gifts are usually in return for the massive expensive party you’ve just invited them to, I reckon. Like taking a gift to a birthday party.
But new baby gifts are generally for the baby. I mean, if I was childless I wouldn’t want a load of muslins and babygros.

[babbaloushka]

I also give little gifts for other events, like promotions, passing exams etc, but not of the same calibre as a birth or wedding, as it's not as life changing or difficult.

[Peaplant20]

Because people like being happy and celebrating things? If you don’t like it then don’t join in/ go. And if you think people should be bought presents for a new job/ home/ pet then start doing it for your friends and maybe it will catch on!

[RachelRavenRoth]

Getting a new job would be the person getting a card. Having a baby means the baby gets a gift.
Yabu

[Hoolihan]

Two of my best friends recently got a dog and I bought presents for them both. Would always send or take a housewarming gift. I often buy colleagues a small pressie if they've done something great at work or got a promotion. I actually give (and receive) loads of presents for all sorts of celebrations/commiserations/no reason at all.

[TheChosenTwo]

I buy my friends presents all the time! Not necessarily all out expensive gifts but just things I think they’ll like, usually consumable in some way or things that they won’t have hanging around the house forever, but just in this last week I ordered and had delivered mil a couple of books we’d been talking about and I knew she’d like, some of that new wonder water hair stuff for a friend as I’d tried it and liked it and thought she would too, and a bunch of flowers for my mum because I miss her! Oh, and a box of chocolates for my neighbour because they’d had their dog pts.
I’d have loved to have received any of those things! More so than a bottle of (gross) champagne for a wedding or a(nother) blanket for a baby
Anyway, I don’t really know if yabu, but I love my friends and treat them when I see things I think they’ll like, if I know they’re having a shit time or just if I see something that makes me think of them.

[Peaplant20]

Also people only tend to get married once... and the couple usually spend a hell of a lot more per head on each guest than the guest spends on a gift. People also only tend to have 2 or 3 children. If you bought a new gift for every new job/ house/ pet then it would get very expensive and you’d be on a never ending cycle of present buying.

[RJnomore1]

Someone got it spot on up there. Weddings used to mean setting up home and having children had large costs too, the tradition of giving presents was both to celebrate and to help out with the expense.

A new job however usually means you are better off than you were...

[SeaTurtles92]

It's a celebration just like a birthday.. of course your children are enough but people like myself like to gift someone on a celebration. You just reminded me I need to look for an outfit for DP's work friend who just had a little girl, thank you! .

[drpet49]

Bitter much?

[UhtredRagnarson]

Nonsense

People get birthday presents, new home presents, new jobs presents, exam results presents, performing in a show presents, retirement presents. And probably loads more I haven’t thought of.

[TheOneWithTheBigNose]

Also, I’ve moved house 11 times in 10 years. My friends would be skint

[BlowDryRat]

Many years ago, I read a post by a MNer rather snootily saying that she didn't congratulate her friends on successfully reaching orgasm, i.e. announcing they're expecting a baby. Don't be that person!

[Commonwasher]

How about a weeding gift list?

‘Congratulations on getting your allotment’.

[Babygotblueyes]

@Sparklfairy

There was an episode of Sex and the City which covered exactly this.

Yes - how much you spend as a single person on your friends.

[emilyfrost]

Getting a pet or a new job isn’t worthy of a gift or celebration. Especially a pet - what exactly did you achieve there?

Pets and jobs come and go. Children are for life, and marriage should be too if it’s done right.

Growing an entire human and giving birth to them is a major event, as is finding the love of your life and sharing that with family and friends.

They mean something.