To not want them at our wedding?

[Blacksheep99]

Hi, I’ve NC for this as it’s quite outing but I’ve been around a while!

Me and DP have been together for 6 years now. We’ve known each other longer but got together a year or so after he divorced his wife. I was never the OW and had never spoken to his wife before.

DP brothers, parents, aunties, uncles etc all welcomed me in to the family straight away, have been nothing but lovely to me since I met them. His 3 sisters on the other hand have never spoken to me, ignore me at parties, weddings, bbqs and if we bump in to them somewhere.
They’ll hug and kiss everyone else, chat to everyone else but never, ever acknowledge me.
I’m not bothered anymore, I can’t be arsed with drama and they don’t impact my life at all...but obviously I feel sad for my DP (they still talk to him) but we’re not invited to anything they arrange, because of me.
DP proposed about a year ago and due to Covid we’ve only recently started thinking about the wedding. He’d like to invite his sisters and then “It’s up to them if they want to come or not” I don’t want to invite them...they’ve made it quite clear they don’t like me so I don’t see why we should.

I don’t want to cause upset within the family, especially not to DP or his parents because they are lovely and genuinely make so much effort to make me feel welcome and part of the family.

So what do I do?? Invite them to keep the peace knowing they probably won’t come anyway or not invite them so I keep control of the situation and they’re aware I don’t want them there anyway?

[waitingforthenextseason]

I wouldn't have invited someone who treated my now husband rudely/disrespectfully/like he doesn't exist. I would expect the same courtesy, even if they are 'family'.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I'd consider having another convo with DP's parents and say that you both don't feel comfortable having such rude women at your wedding, especially as numbers have to be limited. See what they say - if they say you HAVE to invite the sisters, ask why? If it's just "Faaamly" then say that they haven't treated you or your DP like family, so why should you do the same for them?

It's hard, I know - as I said, I've been there but I did invite my sibling, despite knowing what kind of person they were. Caused no upset really, but then it was only one person (I didn't invite their partner - that was a step too far for me as they also didn't like me)

Do these sisters have partners/husbands, does your DP know/speak to any of them?

[Youseethethingis]

Because it's your fiance's wedding too? Or does the groom not count in a wedding?
The groom counts but if he thinks his sisters count more than the brides feelings is there going to be a wedding at all?

[LadyEloise]

His Mum has cried at her daughters' behaviour. She has spoken to them to no avail.
I think you and your dp should go to his parents snd say that you don't want your special day ruined by their rudeness and you would worry about something "kicking off" during the day and couldn't relax and enjoy the day because of it so you won't be inviting them. I'm sure they'll understand and be mortified at the behaviour of their children.

Does your dp have children with his ex wife ?
Do the nasty sisters know you had no part in the breakdown of the marriage ?

[Grapewrath]

Don’t invite them. If dp parents complain, explain that the sisters have made clear they aren’t in favour of your relationship so presumably they wouldn’t expect nor want to be invited to the wedding. I don’t see how they can argue with that tbh

[MargosKaftan]

You know, this would be a good situation for a difficult wedding.

A Friday, or even better, a Thursday, term time. More than 2 hours drive from where you SILs live so they'd have to stay overnight.

Spread a rumour you're having a ceilidh and everyone will have to join in.

You could announce a colour theme. Children are welcome but only if they are dressed in little sailor outfits. Upto the age of 17.

You get to be the bigger person by inviting them, but then only the people who really really care about you will bother turning up to that!

[FortniteBoysMum]

Invite them. Odds are they will not come but if you do not invite them then they will always make out your the one with the problem. The witch who would not allow them an invite to their brothers wedding. If they don't come the whole family will see them for what they are. If they do its not like you can avoid the bride and groom at a wedding. They may surprise you my partners sister was off with me for years as was his stepum. At his other siblings wedding however things changed and now we all get on fine.

[MargosKaftan]

Its also worth noting the 3 sisters are not one unit.

Invite them all. It could be only one or two goes to your wedding. And that's fine. You can see who is worth bothering to make an effort with.

[Profiterolegirl]

If my DP wanted me to not invite my siblings to our wedding I would take that as a massive hint to me that I should keep on walking.

[Dentistlakes]

Not inviting them will give them leverage abs a reason to justify their treatment of you. If you really don’t want them there then have a very small wedding with just parents present. That way you would get your way but without treating them differently.

[Heysiriyouknob]

@Profiterolegirl

If my DP wanted me to not invite my siblings to our wedding I would take that as a massive hint to me that I should keep on walking.

Even if they have been vile to him?

[Skysblue]

This is v v weird. It’s all for DP to sort out. If they are literally at family events where you are there, and refusing to answer when you speak to them, then DP should be having a huge row with them over that, and not inviting them to the wedding if they can’t manage basic civility / inviting to themon the condition that before the wedding day, they apologise to you and welcome you into the family.

You certainly can’t risk people being at your wedding who are actively being horrible to you.

[LadyEloise]

@Blacksheep99
Did you get sorted ?