As a hoarder, AIBU to ask how much stuff you've kept / thrown away

[BrianJacquesfan]

I am starting to realise i maybe have a problem...
Friends are weirdly cagey about this so is hard to ask them and get an answer.

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? Text books from uni? Story books from your childhood? Your kids' clothes? Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Your DCs old school exercise books? Christmas and birthday cards? Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Clothes that you're too fat for? Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Loads of books?

I guess I just want to get an idea of what is "normal"... as I said my friends are quite cagey and I don't have that many anyway 🙃

thank you for reading x

I’ve kept way too much and I know it’s too much as it adds to the stress of life. I know if I had less then we would find things easier, be happier with no clutter around us etc so I’m decluttering

One problem is I attach memories to things. I’ve found it easier to let go of some sentimental stuff but taking a photo of it

Have you kept, for example,

your old school exercise books? no
Text books from uni? no
Story books from your childhood? no, though I did recently buy one to read to my kids.
Your kids' clothes? no - only their coming home outfit. The rest has been passed on. I kept a few new born bits for DC2 but passed them on once she outgrew them.
Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? some - but we now have a 1 in 1 out policy.
Your DCs old school exercise books? no
Christmas and birthday cards? no
Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? no
Jewellery you don't wear anymore? no, except my wedding and engagement rings.
Clothes that you're too fat for? some, I have some really nice (expensive) jeans which I will likely be back in soon.
Old bank statements? no, they are all available online.
Letters from HMRC etc.? depends what they are. Once they are no longer relevant then no.
Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? no, we have 2 - one for 4 holes and one for 2. Other stuff I don't keep "just in case" as a rule.
Loads of books? no, I read and pass on

I keep very little.

If you asked my husband though, he'd answer very differently!

In addition to 5 x hole punchers, I have 6 x staplers. And so many pens! We have 6 pen pots now. Plus a big "bag for life" of spare pens.

I'm impressed you have counted...
How did you end up with 5 hole punches?
We may have 2 or 3 staplers, I think 2 tiny ones from university days & a decent size regular one. That's all.

Think of the good you could do, BJf, by giving 2/3 of that stash to charity shops to resell, or offer items on local freebie facebook page. You're depriving other people of chance to find those things useful.

And if any of it is plastic -- it can degrade. It won't keep for your grandchildren. The items need to be used now to ever be useful to anyone.

@BrianJacquesfan - it's really good you realise you have a problem, and want to do something to change things.

[quote Charley50]@BrianJacquesfan - it's really good you realise you have a problem, and want to do something to change things. [/quote]
Thank you ❤

I think your question about orders of service, party invites etc got a bit lost. I would definitely bin all party invitations anyway but even more so if your children are no longer in touch with the sender. These won't have been written with love or care, I really don't think you'd notice if they were gone. I don't keep orders of service either because I'd much rather look at photos to remember a wedding, not a wordy booklet.

We had loads of pens too. Mostly rubbish. I just binned them one day and bought two packets of 3 nice pens. Oh my word, what a difference. My husband and I know where they live, there's always a good pen to hand and there's not shitty biros all over the place!

RE the hole-punchers and staplers... I am v messy and disorganised so bought one when I couldn't find ours (makes 2). DC1 had one for school but didnt need it after year 6 (so that makes 3). Then 2 with my old school things = 5

We have eight school calculators in a cupboard.

I may not be helping here.

@OnandOnforHoursandHours

I may not be helping here.

Your old school exercise books? No - my mum did, and gave them to me. I had a moment of revelation, and realised that I was holding onto the DC’s exercise books, and if I was ambivalent about keeping mine, why was I keeping theirs? So I had a leaf through and then chucked them all

Text books from uni? No - all textbooks from uni will be out of date in my subject now as the law has largely moved on.

Story books from your childhood? Some, but hardly any. I think I still have the St Clare’s and Malory Towers series, as they were my favourites, but that’s it. I was a prolific reader as a kid, these books would have been a teeny percentage of what I had.

Your kids' clothes? I’ve kept the outfit they came home from hospital in (just sleepsuits), and a couple of tops that they absolutely loved. But that’s it. I keep DC1’s things for Dc2, but as soon as dc2 outgrows them, I either donate or recycle.

Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? I posted upthread about this - I keep a A3 portfolio folder per child per academic year and in it goes their best bits. Now that Dc1 is at secondary, there isn’t much to go in the folder!

Your DCs old school exercise books? None of them

Christmas and birthday cards? I used to keep the previous year’s Christmas cards. I think it was so that I knew that I’d someone died in the year (I know this sounds morbid), I would still have a Christmas card from them the following Christmas. But when I did suffer losses, I didn’t get their cards out that Christmas, so I stopped keeping them. Birthday cards - I have kept the first birthday cards when Dc turned 1, but no others. Again, I used to, but I’ve stopped.

Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? I don’t, but I can understand keeping these things as long as they don’t take up huge amounts of space. Same with your collection of theatre programmes and things like this.

Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Yes, but not really tatty or dates costume jewellery. I do keep some costume jewellery that I don’t wear anymore, but nothing tarnished or really dated

Clothes that you're too fat for? I posted upthread about this as this is my nemesis

Old bank statements? No, as they’re available online and we don’t get paper statements anymore

Letters from HMRC etc.? Yes, they’re also useful as proof of address. But I don’t have loads

Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? I have plenty of this kind of thing eg staplers, elastic bands, bulldog clips, tape etc. I don’t have five, but I have one hole puncher upstairs in the study and another downstairs in the kitchen. That’s plenty i think!

Loads of books? I posted upthread about this. I don’t keep loads but Dh does, they are his nemesis

Pens - I have a small pot in the kitchen and another upstairs in the study. I have chucked those that I don’t like using and kept the ones that I do, making sure that I have different types eg biro to write on freezer bags, sharpie to write on plant identifying sticks, roller balls to write on anything else. But I only keep the pens I like using, not tatty ones

Car stuff - worth keeping if you plan to sell the car on

Order of service - I don’t keep these, I think I may have a copy of my own from my wedding in the attic with other wedding memorabilia

Birthday party invites - don’t keep anything along these lines

I keep a lot of sentimental stuff, cards, pictures, letters etc but try and whittle it done only to the really special things.
I also a bit of a crafter so collect up things ‘in case’ - also for the children’s art projects.
I keep Jewellry but don’t really have ‘costume’ Jewellry so it’s mostly stuff with a history and will have some value.
I don’t hand onto clothes though, or shoes. Certainly not mine anyway.
I’ve kept a few special bits of the kids, but have given away sacks of their clothes and shoes.
We are lucky to have room for it too.
My DH is also more of a keeper - mainly caused by the fact that his mum keeps hold of nothing and gave away all his childhood possessions!

Welltidy - you sound super organised I think I might start with pens as can't really go wrong with them!

Do people have ornaments? I have quite a lot of those. Some (most) of which were presents.

Cuddly toys? My parents kept all of mine from childhood - too many too count, about 2 large stakkaboxes at least. My main teddy is in my room.

I have kept all my DCs cuddly toys not sure if I can get rid as they are important to the DC who has ASD.

Toiletries / smellies / bath bombs etc? Have huge issues with these, I 'save' the nice ones which then never get used although I am getting better at this.

My parents are hoarders. My children are horrified and bemused that 5 people lived in the tiny house that now only dm has. I think both of then had trauma in their childhoods that led to the behaviour

I started to do similar with old cards,.letters, school books etc but then realised.after receiving g my own childhood birthday cards from mum that they mean nothing now. I know I was loved, I do t need the cards to remind me, every year the same people sent them, lots of those people are dead now. The cards.just got recycled many years after they should have been.

I had kept my kid's cards and realised it was the same, so they went out apart from a couple of special ones.

I think the trick is to keep checking through stuff. So recently I went through birth cards i was given for both dc, loads of people I cant even remember! The baby clothes I thought I could be part with meant mostly nothing g to me 10 years on so they went to charity. I'm now working my way through toys. What I thought would be heirloom wooden toys look tatty and old now so they're going.

The kids school stuff I looked at and kept the most special pictures and the best writing or topics that showed their mind and thoughts and creativity but chucked all the handwriting practice and maths books etc.

I'm dreading the day I have to sort mums (it will be me I'm sure!) She has so much stuff from over 50 years in one house... and she can't even blame dad as we got rid if his stuff after he died!

She just can't get rid of anything. It definitely is a mental illness but she wont accept that

The only thing I really regret getting rid of is childhood books. I kept some, but novels like famous five and st clares/Mallory towers which I've since read to the kids and thought they were dreadful now! They can still be bought but random 70s picture books that I have vague memories of loving looking at can't. My greatest pleasure on facebook these days is the site that shares pictures from old ladybird books, I've even started buying some again, which may not be a good idea...

My dad is a major hoarder - I grew up in a family where absolutely everything was kept and moved from house to house. I carried on this way in my 20s but then became quite brutal in my 30s.

DH and I are both pretty ruthless, we’re forever having clear outs. I have 1 small box of childhood/teenage/uni stuff and he has less.

Not really kept much kids stuff .... Dd stuff handed down to ds and then passed on to friends. A few personalised items are in a memory box.

Definitely use your nice toiletries op! I used to do this but it's a waste. I do try and wear my clothes now when not carrying lockdown weight! rather than save "for best" as nice stuff never gets worn.

I threw away, recycled, sold or charity shopped half my stuff. However I would have got rid of more if I could have.

I found dh has helped me, both in challenging the reasoning for keeping stuff, ie is it really sentimental or important or am I doing it because mum did it.

Also in making me think will it really be useful in future. And will the kids really want be presented with a sackful of their birthday cards from my old aunts they barely remember when they've left home as adults!

Before my dad died he started presenting me with random stuff from childhood on every visit. Something he never got round to doing for my siblings who now have partners who dont want this stuff in their houses so it stays at my mums because she cant bring herself to chuck it out a d yet she moans about it being there!!!

old school exercise books? Tore out and kept a few specific pages which I might frame for fun

Text books from uni? Charity shopped

Story books from your childhood? Kept only ones the kids will 100% read plus one or two sentimental ones for myself

Your kids' clothes? Gave away to friends or charity shops

Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Each child has one portfolio for such items. Or they are framed on wall

Your DCs old school exercise books? Charity shop

Christmas and birthday cards? Kept a handful only

Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Kept the most special items only

Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Gave to friends or car boot

Clothes that you're too fat for? Charity shop

Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? Burnt in a big fire after 7 years mostly.

Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Charity shop

Loads of books? Kept the best ones only

your old school exercise books? No.
Text books from uni? Only the ones relevant to my profession that I used regularly.
Story books from your childhood? Inadvertently. My mother kept them and then gave them to my kids.
Your kids' clothes? No.
Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Nope, I take pictures of it.
Your DCs old school exercise books? No.
Christmas and birthday cards? Nope.
Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? No.
Jewellery you don't wear anymore? If it’s very sentimental ie my GGM’s necklace,
Clothes that you're too fat for? No.
Old bank statements? Yes.
Letters from HMRC etc.? Not really.
Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? No.
Loads of books? Yes. Never got rid of a good book in my life.

My DM keeps all that type of stuff and I KNOW who’ll be left to sort through it all some day. I’m not putting that on my DC. Plus I don’t need or want it.

Photograph the teddy collection. Put them all together and have one image of them all. Frame the photo, charity shop the teddies apart from the favourite one.

Start using the nice bath items