Page 7 | As a hoarder, AIBU to ask how much stuff you've kept / thrown away

OtherPlans · 12/04/2021 13:22

This is interesting. I lost everything at one point and have issues letting go. Now I need to declutter as I have a progressive illness and will need to move etc, but feel overwhelmed and like I can't find the things that are meaningful to me. I think I need to find some cheap plastic storage boxes (any recommendations?) and go one room at a time. Then I'll sort and donate before moving to the next room. I'd hire someone to help if I could afford it.

Animum2 · 12/04/2021 13:42

I've kept pay slips and bank statements and various letters going back 25 years, I really do need to have a clear out at some point

rhuds · 12/04/2021 13:45

With regards to keeping your children's stuff - just have a think of what they might want and get rid of the rest.

My husband has just been given his 'memory box' from his mum (still happily alive but purging her own house of 'stuff'), and it was full of stuff that was a laugh to look at once but almost all of it will now be binned. There isn't much use in a 33 year old man having the cake topper of his 18th birthday, a trophy from a football game from his primary age, school reports or birthday card..

The only thing I suggested he does keep is his school yearbook as it is quite nice to have that for our own kids to look at in the years to come.

Caspianberg · 12/04/2021 13:49

From a keep children’s things for the future grandchildren’s perspective, with my own child now, it’s nice having the odd things from the past ie dh old teddy was kept and Ds has it. But realistically a small box of toys for grandchildren to use at yours and a small box of favourite outfits to be reworn for grandchildren photos is probably plenty.

Dh was 36 years when Ds was born. So it’s better that those things were used over the last 30 odd years rather than just all getting old and musty.

Klarajannsson · 12/04/2021 13:51

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? I went through them and kept a couple from classes I remember fondly lile English.

Text books from uni? Yes, I have some old textbooks on my shelf but mostly grammar books as I dod languages (so they coild come in useful).

Story books from your childhood? I have heaps, they are all out as I have kids but I will put in boxes and keep. I love them!

Your kids' clothes? I have kept quite a few baby clothes that I loved neatly in boxes, and things like ballet/Rainbow clothes but I have passed on others, otherwise my house would consist of nothing else.

Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? I have it all BUT at some point I will sort these. Not throwing it all away n omatter what Marie Kondo says!

Your DCs old school exercise books? Some but see above.

Christmas and birthday cards? I go through them every npw and then but actually, I love particular ones from people no longer with me.

Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Um, yes!

Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Yes but I don't have lots.

Clothes that you're too fat for? No, I am ruthless about getting rid to charity of clothes I don't want or need.

Old bank statements? No.

Letters from HMRC etc.?
NO.

*Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? No.

Loads of books? yes!

Pyewackect · 12/04/2021 13:51

We have a large Victorian house in SW London.

One of the rooms I've decorated in its original 19th century style and is kept as the, " Library ". In there, on the walls, are photos of kids, family, friends, weddings, school, University, old pics of relatives going back the Boer War. Awards, Certificates and formal Qualifications.

There are cabinets full of books and draws with stuff: my school, the kids' school, my life on my grandparent's farm, our life overseas and a shed load more. I have a wooden sea chest with my wedding dress, all my old nurse's uniforms and my medical studies. My husband has his father's RAF trunk full of his stuff.

There's a fireplace, a piano, an aspidistra and a stuffed fish in a glass cabinet we got from a junk shop. There's also a large picture of Queen Victoria and Sir John French. They were there when we bought the house.

If you want some quiet time to yourself, you can go and sit in there and read or stare at the fire of a winters evening and fall asleep on the sofa. The kids do their study in there but no food or drink is allowed. I discourage the girls from entertaining their boyfriends in there but there always seems to be a lot of giggling going on.

Klarajannsson · 12/04/2021 13:52

Ps I got rid of old love letters after years. From exes not DH!

TheSilveryPussycat · 12/04/2021 14:17

I got rid of most of my university text books. And over the years, cookery books. Now I am in my 60s and have bought a very few of them second hand, just to refresh my memory (and some of the cookery books are now inspiring cooking again.

But I am a document hoarder. And so was my DF. I am still sorting his stuff to find what to preserve electronically, and ditto my own, but I am enjoying it and should have it all finished by about 2040

username12345T · 12/04/2021 14:45

I don't see myself as a hoarder, but I did have a big clearout where I threw away 10 years of bank statements and bills. It was more laziness in not wanting to go through the stuff and sort it out, than hoarding.

Conversely my mum lacks sentimentality to the extent that there are no photos of me growing up apart from about three school photos - none of me as a baby or toddler. Nothing whatsoever from my childhood and I have no evidence of me as child at all which I find quite upsetting.

OtherPlans · 12/04/2021 14:51

I think scanning documents will be my way forward as I have a printer scanner. Did it take ages? Can I just upload everything to a googledrive? I'll also start photographing things before I donate them.

PhilCornwall1 · 12/04/2021 14:54

Conversely my mum lacks sentimentality to the extent that there are no photos of me growing up apart from about three school photos - none of me as a baby or toddler. Nothing whatsoever from my childhood and I have no evidence of me as child at all which I find quite upsetting.

My parents, or at least my mother, is the opposite and to be honest, when they are gone, whatever my brother doesn't want, I'll get rid of the rest. I completely lack interest in the stuff and can't see where I will have a need for it. My mother is still buying things now and she has to ensure it's equal, as when they are gone me and my brother must have one of each. It's stuff I just don't want. I've told her it's not something I would want, or will keep, but she doesn't listen.

username12345T · 12/04/2021 15:04

@PhilCornwall1

Conversely my mum lacks sentimentality to the extent that there are no photos of me growing up apart from about three school photos - none of me as a baby or toddler. Nothing whatsoever from my childhood and I have no evidence of me as child at all which I find quite upsetting.

My parents, or at least my mother, is the opposite and to be honest, when they are gone, whatever my brother doesn't want, I'll get rid of the rest. I completely lack interest in the stuff and can't see where I will have a need for it. My mother is still buying things now and she has to ensure it's equal, as when they are gone me and my brother must have one of each. It's stuff I just don't want. I've told her it's not something I would want, or will keep, but she doesn't listen.

It's not stuff I'm bothered about, it's photos mainly. I have nothing to look back on. Once I'm dead, there's no evidence of my existence as a child. There are no baby photos of me, toddler photos, birthday photos, nothing. The three school photos are me and my siblings, in school uniform at 10/13 and 15 or thereabouts.

I have a single text book I managed to rescue from the bin that I used aged about 12. My mum just isn't interested and couldn't be bothered to take photos, she doesn't now. Her photo album is in an old biscuit tin and that includes her wedding photos.

MajorNeville · 12/04/2021 15:09

I went to uni abroad, no way was I lugging all my text books etc home. I have some of packing boxes and allow myself one for uni memories, one for my sporting achievements and memories, one per child and that's it, everything else goes out. Could you try something like that?

TeacupDrama · 12/04/2021 15:27

Not all official paperwork needs to be kept unless you are self employed ( then you need 7 years) you do not need to keep years of bank statements 12-18 months is plenty and most banks have past 5 years available digially anyway
keep originals of all longterm investments/ insurance until replaced or renewed or cashed in, eg critical illness, life insurance, pensions endowments ISA;s where your will is etc
the original mortgage, endowment, shares certificates, birth / death / marriages, passport and driving licence and important exams ie degrees professional qualifications ideally this group would be in a fireproof box or safe
you only need the latest MOT, and this years house /car/pet insurance
keep wage slips until annual statement then keep that and get rid of the wage slips
and if selling house proof of a year's utility most of this can be stored online

TeacupDrama · 12/04/2021 15:29

@username12345T it might be worth asking aunts or uncles if they have any photos as they might have a photo of you with one of your cousins etc

Original poster

BrianJacquesfan · 12/04/2021 15:59

@Pyewackect

We have a large Victorian house in SW London.

One of the rooms I've decorated in its original 19th century style and is kept as the, " Library ". In there, on the walls, are photos of kids, family, friends, weddings, school, University, old pics of relatives going back the Boer War. Awards, Certificates and formal Qualifications.

There are cabinets full of books and draws with stuff: my school, the kids' school, my life on my grandparent's farm, our life overseas and a shed load more. I have a wooden sea chest with my wedding dress, all my old nurse's uniforms and my medical studies. My husband has his father's RAF trunk full of his stuff.

There's a fireplace, a piano, an aspidistra and a stuffed fish in a glass cabinet we got from a junk shop. There's also a large picture of Queen Victoria and Sir John French. They were there when we bought the house.

If you want some quiet time to yourself, you can go and sit in there and read or stare at the fire of a winters evening and fall asleep on the sofa. The kids do their study in there but no food or drink is allowed. I discourage the girls from entertaining their boyfriends in there but there always seems to be a lot of giggling going on.

This sounds amazing!!!!!

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Nanny0gg · 12/04/2021 16:01

@BrianJacquesfan

That is my issue i think... My parents kept all the stuff listed but they had a big house and had room for it! I do not have a big house but I have big house mentality 😁

By sentimental letters i mean notes from my boyfriends, starting when I was in my teens and I'm late 30s now. Letters from friends as well.

I'm much older than you and I've just had a purge.

I didn't want my DC (or DH) reading old love letters.

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2021 16:04

@BrianJacquesfan

I am ashamed to be honest. It is embarrassing to list everything

I have tried the one bag a week method, and I don't actually buy that much stuff. Maybe it is my lack of space that is the problem. I really want to be "normal"

It's not lack of space.

If you are now, for example, a size 14, keep the 12s (for the time being) and get rid of the 10s

Purge your handbags to ones you love and ones for particular occasions then get rid of the rest

I have one box of clean, beautifully folded, baby clothes

If you have sentimental items that you never look at then they're not sentimental - get rid

Original poster

BrianJacquesfan · 12/04/2021 16:04

[quote TeacupDrama]@username12345T it might be worth asking aunts or uncles if they have any photos as they might have a photo of you with one of your cousins etc[/quote]
This is a nice idea. My DPs are in a similar situation - my mum's parents didn't own a camera! They didn't "see the point", apparently You could also try FB groups, I am in one for the local area I live in and occasionally people will post things like "Does anyone have any pics of X primary school from the 60s" and people will upload. It's lovely!

I have all my old car paperwork, all the MOTs etc. I think I thought that you were supposed to keep it

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TeacupDrama · 12/04/2021 16:05

@BrianJacquesfan there is a you tuber called Marissa Zen that did one on decluttering sentimental items specifically she speaks about never giving up her grandmoters quilt but also what she doesn't keep and what questions she asks in debating which you keep and why
you might find it helpful

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2021 16:05

Oh, and I have all my children's reports and certificates but none of their work - they didn't want it so I wasn't keeping it

NeedToKnow101 · 12/04/2021 19:33

[quote 4PawsGood]@Charley50 I think I need that book
There are a couple it might be on amazon though, which one did you have?[/quote]

It's this one: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35297297-the-gentle-art-of-swedish-death-cleaning

I got it from the library, to avoid more clutter

I do agree with PPs that hoarding is not an easy habit to break, being a psychological condition, but a general clutter habit is easier to break.

lljkk · 12/04/2021 19:51

BrianJ: how cluttered is your house? Be honest.

I hold on to too much stuff but reading this thread reminds me I'm not doing badly for letting go of stuff. I keep very little for 'sentimental' reasons: it's potentially useful stuff I dislike letting go of. I'd keep the 5 hole punch... but I'd give to charity any spare 5 hole punches for sure. And I try very very hard to never acquire anything additional into the home.

Keeping car service documents is considerate, when you go to sell, to show how up to date the vehicle is for things like brake fluid changes.

hiredandsqueak · 12/04/2021 19:54

I keep next to nothing, I just don't feel the need, I have my memories and that's enough. I have enough storage for everything I have now so if I buy something new I throw something out either to a charity shop or on Freecycle. Ex who is a bit of a hoarder despairs at my lack of sentimentality and I despair at all his dust so we are both happier now we are separated.

Original poster

BrianJacquesfan · 12/04/2021 20:14

[quote TeacupDrama]@BrianJacquesfan there is a you tuber called Marissa Zen that did one on decluttering sentimental items specifically she speaks about never giving up her grandmoters quilt but also what she doesn't keep and what questions she asks in debating which you keep and why
you might find it helpful[/quote]
Thank you very much i will check that out!

To the PP who asked how cluttered my house is... It is cluttered it has got to the point where I am walking over stakka boxes of "stuff". It isn't even my house 😪

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