As a hoarder, AIBU to ask how much stuff you've kept / thrown away

[BrianJacquesfan]

I am starting to realise i maybe have a problem...
Friends are weirdly cagey about this so is hard to ask them and get an answer.

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? Text books from uni? Story books from your childhood? Your kids' clothes? Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Your DCs old school exercise books? Christmas and birthday cards? Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Clothes that you're too fat for? Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Loads of books?

I guess I just want to get an idea of what is "normal"... as I said my friends are quite cagey and I don't have that many anyway 🙃

thank you for reading x

I could probably answer yes to all of your list...I joke that my husband and I are hoarders as we definitely keep unnecessary things and fill up any available storage. I find it really hard to part with things for sentimental reasons, because I don't want to be wasteful, and also worrying that it could be useful in the future. Sounds a bit like I'm finding any excuse now I've written it down! I do know that clutter contributes to messiness and I am happier in a mess-free house so I would like to get better and letting go so everything can be more organised.

Old school exercise books? One or two
Text books from uni? Several that remain relevant and not out of date eg anatomy
Story books from your childhood? Two favourites
Your kids' clothes? Few baby grow and first shoes for both
Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? A couple of favoutites
Your DCs old school exercise books Again one or two with funny comments
Christmas and birthday cards? no
Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Handmade gifts if I like them are displayed or in use. *A cinema ticket is NOT sentimental
Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Some pieces but fit in a small jewellery box
Clothes that you're too fat for? No
Old bank statements? Keep about five years worth of tax folder
Letters from HMRC etc.? As above
Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? One of each if it breaks I can buy or borrow one
Loads of books? Depends what you mean by loads. I have one big bookcase and keep favourites that i keep rereading and cookbooks. Throwaway fiction I borrow from library as an ebook

Just get rid!

I come from an extended family of hoarders and it makes me feel really anxious whenever we have clutter.

My parents kept everything from my school days and as much as it was mildly amusing to look at them, it's also not a loss to not be able to do that. I've shredded everything. I have no attachment to clothes and if they don't fit or I don't wear them they go to the charity shop. I don't keep notes, letters, cards etc.

I genuinely belive your memories live in your head and I don't need physical objects to remind me.

However, we have way too many books. I just can't get rid of ones I've loved or would like the kids to read, or signed copies etc.

I definitely have the ability to become a hoarder so I find it easier to be very consistent in getting rid of things regularly.

I never, ever want to end up with lots of stuff.

In the last 18 months
-2 full skips
-87 bin bags full of general stuff
-4 car loads (big car)

And still my house is cluttered and a mess but I’m getting there I had some severe issues a few years ago that led to depression (accused of FII and child protection investigation as my child had digestive issues allergies and then I asked for asd assessment and got accused of ‘doing it for the dla’). My house went to pot as did my life I’m clawing back now to try to recover but I need to do the mess lockdown slowed me as the tip was shut

I’ve got most of the things on your list.

I haven’t got all DCs clothes, but I probably have more ‘first’ things then I should.

I really do try to sort and dump stuff but it’s hard.

My mother is the complete opposite, I don’t know where I get it from.

Thank you all so much for your lovely understanding messages, it is much appreciated ❤ I fell asleep and then came back to tons of helpful ideas 😁

It has definitely made me realise that most people keep less stuff than I do!

I think that there is a certain amount of trauma involved, a ton of my belongings were thrown out when I was a teenager and then more recently a very abusive ex damaged a lot of my very precious papers, diaries etc.

I will definitely check out Marie Kondo. I had always avoided her because she seemed so extreme but if she's gentle with it, it might be ok. Also I will check out that American chap.

Thank you especially to those who've kindly shared what it's like to sort through a hoarder's stuff when they have died. I definitely don't want my DCs to have to do this, especially as one of them has ASD and very severe anxiety.

I think the buying of Prince Philip newspapers (mortified having to type this!) comes from a "joke" we had in my family about keeping stuff as it'd be a "collector's item" one day. We were pretty hard up so I guess the idea of having something which might one day be valuable appealed...

I have recently split with my OH and ome of the things I am finding really hard is that the DCs are bringing stuff home to him when he picks them up from school. And I will never get to see it - ex is abusive so would not be willing to show me.(Appreciate this sounds totally crazy!)

Over your life you need to reassess your attitude to “collecting”. What seemed reasonable at 20 becomes absurd at 40 - you just have more stuff and more years to accumulate things.

I found moving house or preparing for building work is helpful - when you physically must move stuff, you might as well get rid of it.

@3characters

In the last 18 months -2 full skips -87 bin bags full of general stuff -4 car loads (big car)

And still my house is cluttered and a mess but I’m getting there I had some severe issues a few years ago that led to depression (accused of FII and child protection investigation as my child had digestive issues allergies and then I asked for asd assessment and got accused of ‘doing it for the dla’). My house went to pot as did my life I’m clawing back now to try to recover but I need to do the mess lockdown slowed me as the tip was shut

OMG i am so sorry that happened to you 💔

The only thing on your list I keep is bank statements and hmrc stuff. And even then bank statements I go through and only keep the last 3 months. That’s all you’ll ever need.

@BrianJacquesfan I had to clear my mums house after she died a few years ago. It was a nightmare as she had so much stuff both hers but also stuff she had taken from my grandmothers house. In the garage I found three great big boxes of my childhood books, these were damp and mildewed. I had kept my two favourites when i sorted them with her years before. So instead of going to charity shop as discussed at the time they were thrown out. I did find my school reports which i have kept for now but they were scattered through every room in the house except the bathroom! Similarly there were photos in everyroom but none labelled or organised so I have lots of very old photos but no idea who they are. No other family members know either so I will be getting rid of loads. when i get the chance to put them in albums.

Sorry for the long ramble. But if you are going to keep stuff then ensure it is organised so that if you want to look at it you can find it. I think you certainly have hoarding tendencies but are at least recognising that. Two red flags for me -1)cinema tickets are not a sentimental item unless perhaps it was during that film a great love was declared, but then you remember without the ticket. 2) Buying multiple papers when Prince Philip died. If you want to remember the date make a note in phone calendar, no social historian is ever going to come knocking your door and asking because everyone alive has forgotten the date.

@BrianJacquesfan

YANBU!!!

I keep all that kind of stuff. DD's childhood stuff, from the late 1990s and 2000s (noughties,) and mine from the 1970s and 1980s. I also have 300 books, (half of them pre 21st century,) a dozen or so old toys, like a string puppet, teddy bears, dolls, several board games, and other various 1970s items,.

Also 500 vinyl albums, 700 vinyl singles, 350 or so compact discs, 25 or so cassette tapes of stuff I recorded off the radio in the 1970s, some posters of my fave actors and pop stars from the 1970s and 1980s, old calendars, old annuals, and 5 or 6 dresses I wore in the 1980s when I used to go nightclubbing (including the dress I wore the night I met DH over 30 years ago.)

I also have 1000s of old photos of my childhood and young adulthood, (and more recent ones!) and also loads of photos of my parents when they were young, and my grandparents, (born 1910s-1920s,) great-grandparents, (born 1880s-1890s,) great, great grandparents, (born 1850s-1860s,) and great, great, great parents (born 1830s-1840s.)

Some of the photos of my grandparents, and great-grandparents are from the 2 world wars, and are of them in lots of different countries.

I will never ever EVER get rid of any of it, and I hope I never have to move into a smaller home, (currently in a 3 bed house with a garage,) because getting rid of this stuff is not an option.

We have a lot of the stuff you mentioned

But that’s because we have a good sized attic and lots of storage, we are moving to a house which although on paper is slightly larger has a smaller attic and no storage

So we are ditching loads of stuff, tipping some and giving the rest to charity and i know we will probably have to do it again when we actually get to the new house 😀

Good luck with sorting everything out 💐

Also wanted to add, my grandparents kept loads of stuff too (and my great grandparents,) and me (and several of my extended family,) were really happy, because a lot of precious memories were held in them.

I even found some letters my grandmother wrote to my grandfather during the second world war. He got them in the country he was stationed at at the time, and kept them, and brought them home. Such precious memories.

I have kept the DC school projects and some cards that's it.
I grew up in a home environment that had stuff in every corner - clothes everywhere - searching things out - I couldn't put myself or my DC through it.
I'm excessive at throwing out or recycling unwanted items.

Just wondering if anyone keeps old mobile phones? If not, what do you do with them? I have about 5 old smartphones now.

My parents have boxes and boxes of wires and other random electrical stuff. Like those cables you would use to plug in a landline or a PC before wifi came along.

I think I will get rid of my "thin" clothes as am unlikely to ever shrink back into them. I have noticed that the 90s / y2k fashions have come back round again which makes me want to hang onto them 😶

Do people give away / chuck out presents they don't like or need? I find it really hard to get rid of anything which was given to me, be it jewellery, books, homemade etc.

I'm so impressed by the person with almost nothing in their loft! Is that common? Ours is organised but full of camping stuff, skiing stuff, outgrown clothes that'll fit the next child in the next 6 months...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4198486-The-Hoarders-Anonymous-5

@Horehound

Does anyone else keep old passports? I have tons of those. Or programmes - from the theatre. I have a box of those. And newspapers from significant dates. E.g. today I got several because Prince Philip had died.

Passports. No I have my current one that's it. There will never ever be a need for your old passports so get rid. You're meant to cut a triangle out if then btw.
Get rid of all those programmes what a waste of paper and you'll never look at them and what do you need the newspapers for? No. Go and put them in the bin now!!

Actually, last time I went to the US, I had to enter the number of all my previous passports for my ESTA (because I have a 2nd nationality). I was rather glad I'd kept them.

Old phones can be recycled. If you Google, you should find somewhere.

Unwanted presents can be sent to a charity shop or listed on freecycle. weirdly, people will happily take all kinds of stuff if it's free.

My Ex also had a big box of random cables and I threw them all out and never missed them.

Do people give away / chuck out presents they don't like or need? I find it really hard to get rid of anything which was given to me, be it jewellery, books, homemade etc

Yes, charity shops are always glad of donations. I hate being weighed down by stuff and don't feel obliged to keep anything that I don't like or need.

[quote Nettleskeins]www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4198486-The-Hoarders-Anonymous-5[/quote]
Thank you for this link!

If anyone is interested, there are some lovely friendly decluttering groups on Facebook. It's not my cup of tea as I like to stay anonymous but everyone is very supportive 😄

I also kept my old passports. I love looking through all the old stamps and visas. That's a personal thing. How do you feel about your old passports? Do you find them interesting/useful/nostalgic? If not, throw them out.

I have got old mobile phones - some of the messages on them act as a sort of diary! I must get a box for them together with the correct charging leads. I like old passports for the photos!

I also find it hard to get rid of things that were given to me as gifts, but why do I keep them? Jewellery that I don't wear, but which gives me a fleeting memory of the person who bought it for me when I go through a box every 5 years would surely be better sold off or given to someone who WILL wear it. It's the sentimental attachment that I find hard.

I think you can keep some stuff without hording, but you do need to be selective.

Books I don’t think more than fits on one bookshelf now. Kindle for all general books now, mainly cook books, reference and children’s books.

I’ve kept a few things the kids have made and one sleep suit each from when they were little. Nothing else on your list. Take photos of sentimental things and bin them! Send your clothes to charity shops..