Page 2 | As a hoarder, AIBU to ask how much stuff you've kept / thrown away

Original poster

BrianJacquesfan · 12/04/2021 04:30

I did get rid of most of my CDs and DVDs which freed up quite a bit of space and I was immensely proud of this

OP posts:

aramox · 12/04/2021 04:44

Definitely not papers from significant dates! Or programmes, tix etc. Maybe one a decade, but only if you really look at them or cherish them.

tortoiselover100 · 12/04/2021 04:51

I moved this weekend and the removal guys were taking the mickey because I had 7 boxes with 'memory box' written on. They were full of the things you've listed, birthday cards, kids artwork, cinema tickets etc. They said it was usual to have one or two.

They just get put in the loft so why not keep them?

chaosrabbitland · 12/04/2021 05:15

i keep everything mostly , my mum has said im a hoader , it was ok and not too bad when i and dd lived in a 3 bed large house i private rented , but then we had to leave and now we are in a 2 bed smaller end of terrace its a struggle for room , i do try and be ruthless and have a clear out now and then , but even that always dosent seem to make a lot of difference , dd is the same if not even worse and her father hoards as well , . when she still had contact weekends with him i used to drop her around to his house and the place was exploding with stuff

tcjotm · 12/04/2021 05:20

I keep old passports. I was really cute in my first few passport pictures.

I would suggest doing the culling in stages. The ring binders you can toss. But letters, tickets etc, maybe box up neatly for another go through in a month or so? You’ll find it takes up space and then it gets easier to go through regularly and find things that you can let go, without risking chucking lots of stuff you’ll be devastated about losing.

I mean those letters are a fascinating glimpse of a time period now gone. I have loads to my friends all covered with stickers and silly SWAK type comments and that’s just not something kids are still doing as much today. Maybe you’ll keep a few things from different categories?

Definitely check out Marie Kondo. Her suggestions can seem very wacky but they can also be really helpful getting your mind past it.

Baileyscheesecake · 12/04/2021 05:21

I have everything you listed but I’m a hoarder too. I am waiting to have therapy but there’s not a lot of specialist help for hoarding. The Hoarding UK website has useful info and my local MIND group runs a support group. My hoarding has got worse since my husband died suddenly and I have the space to keep everything and no one to tell me not to keep things. If my husband were alive we probably would have gone through things together and it would have been easier to let go of things like old baby clothes etc. Now everything has even more sentimental attachment than before.

M0rT · 12/04/2021 05:28

Go through the skinny clothes and keep the ones that are in very good condition and suitable for your age now, give away/throw the rest out.
I have moved between sizes and learned when I was slim after having gained weight that a lot of the skinny clothes were from a younger age and didn't suit my lifestyle at all or were well washed and raggy looking so had to go.
Also there is nothing like going to a shop when you've been choosing clothes just because they fit/hide your arms, tummy etc and trying on anything you like the look of. If you have too much clothes you won't be able to do that guilt free.
Could you do a memory scrapbook for each child?
Would make you have to pick the really important things to keep and anything that doesn't fit in the scrapbook has to go.
I completely get it, I get teased for being a hoarder by my friends.
It's a combination of having thrown things out previously that I then had to replace/couldn't replace and needed.
Also I have issues with replacing things that still work.
The advantage to that is that I am very picky about what I buy as I know I'll have trouble replacing it if it's not suitable.

Don't be too hard on yourself but try to see it as a positive action rather than a negative, making scrapbooks with/for your DC could be lovely.

Gingernaut · 12/04/2021 05:33

First off - what state are they in?

If you wouldn't be happy to receive or give it as a gift, bin it.

You have your qualifications, you don't need your old notes and exercise books.

I keep tickets, programmes and other ephemera in scrapbooks.

Old books - text books are more than likely out of date and if you've already qualified, useless, yearly periodicals, like the National Trust Guide are definitely out of date, reference books are now replaced by Google and books you haven't picked up in 6 months can go too.

Clothes - unless it's ski wear, beach wear or some other kind of holiday gear, you can get rid if you haven't worn it in a year.

Your kids have grown, they don't need the stuff they've grown out of - donate to charity.

The clothes you're too fat for can also be donated to charity.

Small keepsakes, like baby's first tooth, a lock of hair, the first babygro, the first bootees etc won't fill a shoebox.

Old story books can be donated, if they're in a fit state.

CrazyNeighbour · 12/04/2021 05:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gingernaut · 12/04/2021 05:38

Look up an author called Don Aslett.

He runs/ran a cleaning 'empire', but has written and co-written a series of books about cleaning, de-cluttering and efficiency.

Funny, with to do lists, but a bit 'American', I much Aslett to Kondo.

BlackCatShadow · 12/04/2021 05:59

I know Marie Kondo is controversial by the way, What I like about her approach is that I think she deals more with the emotional side of letting things go and I think that is what is missing from a lot of approaches. In the OP's case, I sense a real emotional attachment to the stuff she has and anxiety about what to get rid of and what to keep. I think Marie Kondo might be a good way to help her deal with that burden. It's not always as easy as just grab a bin bag and throw stuff out. Sometimes it's about giving yourself permission to let things go and that can be really hard.

MyOtherProfile · 12/04/2021 06:06

I have kept so many sentimental and non sentimental things over the years and am fortunate to live in a large house. However I hit a point where it all felt so full and I've been working through getting rid of stuff. I'm getting better and better at getting rid of things and it makes me feel really good.

Out of your list I have kept:
your old school exercise books? Text books from uni? Story books from your childhood?
NO

Your kids' clothes? Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Only absolute favourites

Your DCs old school exercise books? Christmas and birthday cards? Yes but have been getting rid.

Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? No

Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Yes but am working through the stash

Clothes that you're too fat for? Yes but I'm losing weight

Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? No

Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Loads of books? Yes especially the latter but I'm working through.

I read Marie Kondo and and found it a bit OTT but I did like the idea of keeping things which bring you joy.

MeanderingGently · 12/04/2021 06:07

No, I do not keep all that stuff, there really is no need.

I have 3 x A4 size memory boxes, that's only because I'm now in my 60s and a bit too many years for one box. I have small things from my own childhood including photos and some school reports, bits and pieces form my marriage, a small selection of things to remember my babies, odd newspaper cuttings and sale details of houses I've lived in over the ages. You don't need all the art work your kids ever did, nor the stories they wrote. Keep a couple of the best in your memory box, get rid of the rest. Take photos if you must.

You do need to do some sorting out. Too many people spend their lives dragging round "stuff" that is never uses and not needed (and often never look at) thinking either that it's "sentimental" or that we "might need it one day".

Sort out all your clothes. You don't need anything you can't get into, nothing that's out of date. You need a couple of decent outfits for weddings/funerals, some work wear (if applicable), some cold weather outfits and summer hot weather outfits, a swim costume and underwear. Anything else can be sold, taken to charity shop or put in clothing recycling.

You do not need past babywear once your children are older....keep perhaps one special baby outfit if you must and a first pair of shoes if you have to. Get rid of the rest as above. Again, you can always take photographs of things if you must....lay out a collection of items on the bed and take a picture before disposing of them, not endless photos.

You do not need several hundred books, old CDs, defunct videos and out of date equipment. Nor do you need out of date packets of food in the kitchen cupboards, endless bits of kitchen equipment you don't use....

There is no need for mountains of paperwork, such as banks statements, when it can all be done online. I have a mini filing cabinet, it has 6 A4 drawers and is only about 18 inches high (sits on top of a desk). In it I keep the latest papers essential to keep, a drawer for finances (tax, credit card etc), a drawer for the car (receipts, insurance, MOT etc.) one for professional (exam certs, training certificates), medical, bank, the house... You only need the latest few bank statements, current copies of insurances etc.

A drawer for stationery is helpful, all your pens, staplers and hole punches kept in one place. You need one decent hole punch, not 5. Not even two.

To answer your question, yes, you really do need to clear all the stuff. Do you have friends who would help you? It can be emotionally difficult for some people, for others it's just that they haven't got round to having a clear out, or else they don't know where to start....

SomewhereInbetween1 · 12/04/2021 06:39

You mention keeping things that have a personal importance such as your children's things, but then go on to say you bought several newspapers because of Prince Philip's death and I'm curious as to how many things you have that are really if no personal importance such as the newspapers, rather than memories from your family? Reason being it might be easier to begin shifting that stuff first and once you enjoy the space, to begin the more difficult task of moving the more sentimental items?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 12/04/2021 06:49

The answer would depend on when you had asked me.
Moved 3 years ago from a house where I had been for 15 years but before that it was my parents. Clearing that out cured me of any hoarding habits I had tbh.

ElphabaTheGreen · 12/04/2021 06:54

My mum was a hoarder, so I’m exactly the opposite. If it’s not nailed down, it goes. I cannot stand clutter and things kept ‘just in case’. I started life with many of my mum’s hoarding traits but when I met DH and moved countries, I realised how utterly unnecessary and bloody expensive trying to keep it all was.

At the end of the day, it will only cost you, or your family, hundreds more in disposal fees than it will ever give you pleasure in reminiscing. I just felt resentment at my mum after she passed for leaving me with a shitload of shit to put in skips and book several house clearances for. I did not sit there looking gratefully through all newspapers and magazines she’d kept from when Charles married Diana.

CSIblonde · 12/04/2021 06:56

No to School & University books, essays etc. Yes to clothes I'm too fat for. As everything's online now I only keep a year of tax stuff on paper & you can ask the bank for no more paper statements & check balance in their app or internet. Books I keep a year or so then clear to make room for new ones (small flat). If you acknowledge you have a hoarding tendency you're half way to sorting it. And it helps to think of other people enjoying stuff/books you give to the charity shop etc.

RubyFowler · 12/04/2021 07:01

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? No
Text books from uni? one or two only. I no longer work in a related field
Story books from your childhood? no
Your kids' clothes? going home from hospital outfits only.
Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? a curated selection
Your DCs old school exercise books? no Christmas and birthday cards? no
Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc. one shoebox full max
Jewellery you don't wear anymore? no
Clothes that you're too fat for? no
Old bank statements? no
Letters from HMRC etc.? one years only
Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? no
Loads of books? no but I actually wish I had more.

I am the other extreme, having moved lots I like to travel light!

notanothertakeaway · 12/04/2021 07:02

Another vote for Marie Kondo book. She suggests you start with books, as you don't tend to have an emotional attachment to them, and if you get rid of a book then regret it, they're easily replaced. Then you move up to clothes

A tidy house is far easier to clean

Sleepisoverrated150 · 12/04/2021 07:03

On the clothes front my rule Is have you worn it in the last year? If not it’s going to charity, caveats are ski clothes etc if you own anything like that. I’m talking normal everyday clothes.

Maybe just start with something like that, it will be a gradual process you can’t do it all in a few weeks and is a big adjustment

sophiasnail · 12/04/2021 07:03

I have hoarding tendencies which I have to work exceptionally hard to stop things building up again. I have two questions I ask myself. Do I wish I didn't own this item? Which helps me to get rid of things which I feel like I ought to keep like presents and hand me downs, and What is the worst that could happen if I change my mind? Which helps me get rid of things which might at some point be useful, but in reality could be replaced if really needed.

stealthbanana · 12/04/2021 07:17

OP I’ve recently done a 180 on this - used to keep EVERYTHING but as I’ve got older I’ve realised what a millstone it is to be lugging (physically and emotionally) all this stuff around.

So am having a proper clean out. Going through everything properly, having a smile.c then binning it. Clothes - eBaying them all for reasonable prices, if they don’t sell within 6 weeks they go to charity. Books/CDs to music magpie. Kids stuff - artwork sent to be digitised, kept a couple of small baby things, the rest out.

Also, Marie kondo never really worked for me but I recently read about the concept of Swedish death cleaning and that really resonated. The idea of burdening my family with all my crap when I die fills me with horror.

Charley50 · 12/04/2021 07:34

The Swedish Death cleanse book is a really lovely read, full of anecdotes. As someone who had to clear both my parent's houses (one a hoarder, one an almost hoarder), it really resonated with me.

I have one medium bookcase, and won't keep any more books. So I read them then give away, or borrow from the library.

I'm fairly brutal with clothes, although I know I should get rid of more. I can now see what I do have so am more likely to wear it.

I do keep old letters, as some are hilarious or sweet, and I like to reminisce. But I've now thrown away old birthday cards now (which I used to keep) and lots of old photos, just keep the best ones.

I do have a few school projects and artworks, and same for my DC. I keep it all together and have only kept a few favourites.

Keep just a few children's books and much-loved toys and game. In a couple of boxes for when/ if I have grandchildren. My DC are not too attached to things and often throw things away or give to charity shop.

Got rid of CDs and DVDs. I throw away old bills etc.

I'm going to spend a few hours decluttering today. It is such a satisfying feeling, getting rid of stuff. Makes me feel lighter.

pointythings · 12/04/2021 07:34

I've got a set of baby clothes for each of my DDs with one item in each size starting at Newborn and ending at 18-24 months. That's it. My earring collection needs a mild cull. I have flung/donated all my old no-longer-fitting clothes and shoes. Recently we redecorated the living room and cleared the shed, resulting in 4 car loads (and I have an estate) of stuff being shipped out, including 11 big carrier bags of books. My late husband was the type to hang on to stuff - I'm really not, I'm ruthless.

suspiria777 · 12/04/2021 07:38

@BrianJacquesfan

I am starting to realise i maybe have a problem... Friends are weirdly cagey about this so is hard to ask them and get an answer.

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? Text books from uni? Story books from your childhood? Your kids' clothes? Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Your DCs old school exercise books? Christmas and birthday cards? Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Clothes that you're too fat for? Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Loads of books?

I guess I just want to get an idea of what is "normal"... as I said my friends are quite cagey and I don't have that many anyway 🙃

thank you for reading x

school exercise books: only a couple from primary school (unaided work books) textbooks from uni: yes but i'm a research academic storybooks from childhood: I have 5 favourites. kids' clothes: n/a kids' artwork: n/a (but i think I would probably only keep the best artwork, not everything, and only two or three "crafts" per year/occasion (birthday presents, mothers day, xmas decorations or whatever) kids' schoolbooks: only unaided work and, say, gcse art coursework. I don't need to keep all their maths worksheets etc. and by gcse i would trust them to choose for themselves what to keep/bin xmas and birthday cards: only to recycle as labels or if they have a proper sentimental message inside cinema tickets: no jewellery i don't wear: no -- if it's broken i would get it fixed; if i don't like it i would get rid. if i like it and it's not broken, i would wear it! clothes that don't fit: no bank statements/hmrc: no it's all online things just in case: no, nobody needs five hole punches, or even one (in any situation that can't wait to borrow a holepunch).

A lot of the things you mention can also be digitised -- you can take photos of the artwork, for example, and birthday cards/letters.