As a hoarder, AIBU to ask how much stuff you've kept / thrown away

[BrianJacquesfan]

I am starting to realise i maybe have a problem...
Friends are weirdly cagey about this so is hard to ask them and get an answer.

Have you kept, for example, your old school exercise books? Text books from uni? Story books from your childhood? Your kids' clothes? Artwork / handicrafts made by kids? Your DCs old school exercise books? Christmas and birthday cards? Sentimental stuff e.g. cinema tickets, letters from friends, handmade gifts etc.? Jewellery you don't wear anymore? Clothes that you're too fat for? Old bank statements? Letters from HMRC etc.? Things "just in case" (e.g. 5 hole punchers)? Loads of books?

I guess I just want to get an idea of what is "normal"... as I said my friends are quite cagey and I don't have that many anyway 🙃

thank you for reading x

I’ve kept the children’s hospital bands from when they were born, the first sleepsuit they wore and a blanket each. Scan photos, school reports, a few pictures and hand made cards. Medals and tickets from whatever shows my daughters performed in. That all fits into a small box. I’ve got a wardrobe full of clothes I’m too fat for. I’m a bit of a book hoarder but I’ve got lots of book cases. I like my house clutter free.

It's something you can do if you have the space. My parents are hoarders and keep everything but it is less noticeable as they have a large house with plenty of storage and spare rooms.

If you live in a tiny flat or terrace then your only option is to pay for storage space or use your parents house.

There's hardly anything on your list that I have kept - it's hard to judge constitutes sentimental letters and tickets, but I guess I would have 1 shoebox of that.
But definitely No to old exercise books, gift cards, bank statements, kids books, clothes art etc

I've become the designated family member who goes through the stuff/houses of older people in my family who have died, so I am really sensitive to my own "stuff" and hanging on to it or tossing it.

Holiday cards/birthday cards - toss it - unless signed by a famous person

Toss fake / costume jewelry - keep the real diamonds, etc (I've never been married, so I don't have much real jewelry)

Donate all clothes I don't wear over the course of 1 year. (same for children's clothes)

I sold all books to a resale book shop (this includes children's books and text books). I only buy/read digital books on a Kindle. Getting rid of 1000's of books was a HUGE game changer. Books can be a huge psychological "love" but also a HUGE psychological burden.

Shred almost all paperwork including bank statements. You can scan these docs or obtain them from the banks in the future.

That is my issue i think... My parents kept all the stuff listed but they had a big house and had room for it! I do not have a big house but I have big house mentality 😁

By sentimental letters i mean notes from my boyfriends, starting when I was in my teens and I'm late 30s now. Letters from friends as well.

No. I did for a bit tgengas a clear out. I kept my childrens first outfits, hospital tag and about 3 paintings from nursery. Everything else gets binned. My mums a hoarder so I don't want to be like that.

Then had*

No, I have one box with my DC hospital bands, school reports, programmes of concerts they’ve performed in etc and that’s it.

I think it's a question of space, OP, rather than a question of the type of things. If you've got the space for it, it's fine. If your stuff is crowding you out, then you've got a problem. I've got a lot of your type of things, but I've got a lot of space, so I don't appear to be a hoarder. If I suddenly had to fit into a one-bedroom flat, I'd be in trouble.

Ah - I fear I am as bad as you OP! As an example, I recently threw away university notes (graduated 1992), and lots of school exercise books after boring DD with them. It's like a horrible dilemma - I do enjoy going back through old things and reminiscing, but also hate having so much crap around... No garage & not much storage. I have clothes of DDs in all sorts of sizes to give to people/sell but am rubbish at doing either! Two bags went to the clothing bin this weekend - big achievement.

I've moved so many times in my life that posessions really do weigh you down. We're in a very small flat and are currently clearing out masses of clothes (Red Cross, BHF, local clothes bins, textile recycling collection from local authority for things beyond wearing - we would send things to Thrift+ as well but don't have anything quite posh enough for what they want; also books (Ziffit, We buy books, Music Magpie, and possibly Amazon if I can work out how to resurrect my ancient sellers account, I'm sure it used to be much more straightforward than this...). I do however have external hard discs packed with scans of old letters, photos, cards etc including sentimental things like soft toys. That way I preserve the memory and let the physical items go. My mother was a hoarder, my dad had hardly any posessions and the older I get the more I tend to his philosophy especially now we have Kindles, streaming, etc.

I think you should work out have much space you have for this stuff and then choose the amount of stuff that will fit the space you are willing to give to it, if that makes sense.

Like, when I moved house, I bought a bookshelf with enough space for 200 books, so I chose my favorite 170 or so books and gave away the rest.

I have a memory box for old letters and photos as they are important to me, but old text books and note books i threw away.

Well, I keep most of the things you mention, but then I'm also a hoarder, so...

That is a good idea Blackcat I am in between houses at the moment and living with family and they are getting a bit miffed by it all I think. I think the books will be easiest but the cinema tickets and tickets and programmes from random attractions (Alton Towers etc) will be harder

I know quite a few people do keep a memory box but I have about 6 large stackaboxes of sentimental items, 2 boxes of DC baby clothes, several tons of jewellery/ handbags. A very large wardrobe of clothes which 99% are about 3 sizes too small. Then there is so much random "stuff"

I am ashamed to be honest. It is embarrassing to list everything

I have tried the one bag a week method, and I don't actually buy that much stuff. Maybe it is my lack of space that is the problem. I really want to be "normal"

I am over 60 and have been using lockdown to try and sort through lots of possessions I have kept for years - finally threw out love letters & diaries from my teenage years - didn't like to think of people going through them when I have died! But I still have too much 'stuff' - my Uni final exam papers (why do I keep them ???), paperwork from previous jobs (not just pension info), clothes that will fit 'if I lose weight' ... I have the space but still it is just a lot of 'stuff'.

I have had to clear out relative's homes after their death .... it is seriously depressing and a huge amount of work .

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Have you read any of the Marie Kondo books or watched her show on Netflix? I don't agree with all her methods, but I think she deals well with the emotional attachment people have to things and how important it is to let things go. I really recommend her approach. She's very gentle and positive about it.

Do you like the stuff more than you like the space not having it? I'd seriously ditch the too small clothes, if you lose weight you'll want to buy new things. I do think it's hard if you weren't taught as a child to have clear outs - my bedroom just got fuller and fuller to age 18! I'm getting better now.

I have books and a memory box from DS. I think that's normal. I haven't kept any notes from old boyfriends or exercise books.

I tend to hoard when money is tight and keep clothes past their normal life. When my budget eases a bit I genuinely enjoy chucking out old clothes and making some space. It's very liberating

Oh, and I also realised the only time I looked at memory things was when having a clear out... Obviously they were that important.

I will definitely check out Marie Kondo, thank you for the suggestion.

Yes i never got taught to get rid of stuff as a child, the concept is totally alien to me! I guess it is a life skill. Should probably encourage my DC to learn how to do it!

I have a single drawer in my bedroom with cards from when the DC were born and their hospital notes. I had their first sleepsuits etc made into a blanket. Beyond that I am not at all sentimental and the idea of having all that ‘stuff’ hanging around actually makes me feel a bit panicky and weird. I think it’s because my mum has some hoarding tendencies and her (tiny) house is full of ‘stuff’ that makes it feel very cramped and overwhelming.

If there’s stuff you can’t quite bring yourself to let go of, can you condense it in some way eg take photos of all school reports?

I also ask myself ‘would I prefer to store this or have the space now and buy another one on the future if really required?’ That should help with things like the five hole punches!

Best of luck, I can imagine this is hugely emotional but I think you will a lot lighter once you’ve tackled it.

If you can buy it for less than £10, then you don’t need to keep it “just in case" - i love this and will definitely try it out! Thanks 😊

I think it is just the sentimentality thing plus I have had some traumatic events where I have lost stuff or it has been damaged (by an evil ex) so the stuff i do have has taken on extra importance. I would love a big forever home where I could keep everything - like the house in Friday Night Dinners or the one in Flowers. But given my ~dire~ financial circumstances that is never going to happen. I think I will be able to rent a 2 bed flat at some point so the stuff has to go!

Does anyone else keep old passports? I have tons of those. Or programmes - from the theatre. I have a box of those. And newspapers from significant dates. E.g. today I got several because Prince Philip had died.