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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I mad to want another baby before leaving my husband?

304 replies

DisneyBaby · 12/04/2021 00:07

My husband and I have been very up and down throughout our whole relationship, he's always been lazy and not much help around the house, he has a gambling problem which has resulted in trust issues and he can have a bit of a temper with me at times too.
We have been together 10 years, married 4 and have a 15 month old daughter. I have always wanted 3/4 children close together in age so they would have a close bond like my sisters and I had growing up. But I am now pretty certain after deliberating about it for several years, that I want to leave my husband. I do believe I can do better, and a lot of friends and family have told me the same.
I worry that I wouldn't meet someone new straight away and I think about my daughter growing up with no siblings close in age, and it makes me think... Should I just stay for a few months longer and have baby number two so that my daughter will have a playmate, or is that totally stupid? As much as I would love another baby myself, this decision is more based around her, if I were to be a single Mum she wouldn't have someone else to play with at home and that breaks my heart.. Surely I can't be the only person who has thought or planned such a thing??? Am I crazy?

OP posts:
Troyhelena · 13/04/2021 10:18

Yes it’s stupid. Having another child with a man you’re planning on leaving just so your kid has a ‘playmate’ is a ridiculous idea. Second/third children should be wanted for themselves, not just so that their older sibling has company Hmm

imalmostthere · 13/04/2021 10:22

It's funny how you say you could do better. He definitely could after reading your post.

LikeABundleOfHay · 13/04/2021 13:40

I don't think it's selfish to consider this. I'm a single mum to an only. It's can be very quiet and lonely just being 2 of us in the house. Every meal just us 2, running out of conversation. We see friends but there's so much empty time in between. I work and use childcare so DD feels passed around. It would be much harder for me to have 2 children but it would be a happier family environment.
Having a 2nd with your husband would be much kinder to your first child than forcing a step dad and half sibling into the mix. As another pp said, you would potentially feel time pressure to find a new partner and make a bad decision in the rush. Better to have your family first, spend some time single then calmly find a partner just for you, with no aim to have more children.
That being said, it's only doable if you're financial stable and have people who can babysit regularly.

asifnothinghappened · 13/04/2021 19:35

LikeABundleOfHay

The glaring absence of any concern for ethics in this relationship might be a reason why you say you feel lonely? This is no way to treat people!

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