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Original poster

Holding on to a grudge for a wedding no show?

509 replies

Sightforsoreeyez · 11/04/2021 12:10

Would you be upset at an evening guest that didn’t show up because they decided to go out drinking with their friends instead and never messaged on the day to say they weren’t showing up? Limited guests so I would have invited someone else.

Obviously this was a couple of years ago now but that person has since messaged me to meet up for a catch up. Am I silly for holding on to a grudge most people wouldn’t be bothered about?

OP posts:
Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 13/04/2021 12:40

...plus she wouldn't have ruined the photos.

Lovely Hmm

Aprilshowersandhail · 13/04/2021 12:47

A friend of mine did attend my wedding (not the cf dc in posh outfits friend) she was my closest friend... She casually mentioned she wasn't getting us a wedding gift as she had got one when I previously got married .. Thought she was joking tbh..
She wasn't!!
Grin

Cokecake · 13/04/2021 12:50

I would hold a grudge if invited to only the evening part

Skysblue · 13/04/2021 13:03

If they chose not to come after accepting, that is really insulting and I can’t imagine continuing the friendship.

We did however have four guests who forgot to come. Which as I was paying a cost of £100/ per guest, was v v annoying. But I forgave them cos they are idiots.

RampantIvy · 13/04/2021 13:10

@Cokecake

I would hold a grudge if invited to only the evening part
How petty Hmm
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/04/2021 13:19

With hindsight (what a marvelous thing that is!), I think it would have been better if she hadn't turned up that day, I'd have done my hair and makeup earlier rather than sitting around waiting for her plus she wouldn't have ruined the photos.

Bet she does, too.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/04/2021 13:28

@Skysblue

If they chose not to come after accepting, that is really insulting and I can’t imagine continuing the friendship.

We did however have four guests who forgot to come. Which as I was paying a cost of £100/ per guest, was v v annoying. But I forgave them cos they are idiots.

Why not, we all need a couple of idiots in our lives.
HikeForward · 13/04/2021 15:37

Cared enough to notice, remember and then regale us all with a thrilling story. Lives too short - let it go already

I guess your thread jogged her memory?

There are so many reasons why people might pull out of a social event like a wedding (or not turn up). Why do so many brides feel their wedding is so special and precious it cannot be missed for any reason?

Like the poster who was furious a couple about to divorce couldn’t ‘hold it together’ for one evening to celebrate her wedding? As if they’d be in any frame of mind to go to a wedding when their own marriage had just collapsed 🙄
To even think they should have put on brave faces and pretended to be a couple one more night was so insensitive. Their marriage was ending, I doubt a wedding party was high on their list of priorities.

Suppose the guests who didn’t showed had intended to make it but suffered an accident or suddenly got ill or their child or relative became ill and they weren’t able to let you know in time. Maybe they didn’t want to explain the details? Perhaps it was private or embarrassing. Or maybe they suddenly got very anxious about going to a big social event, or had a massive row with their partner or other emotional crisis that made your wedding pale into insignificance.

AiryFairyMum · 13/04/2021 15:41

Not for evening guests, no. That's just a casual 'if you're passing' type thing, as you're not invited to the actual wedding.

hmmmwhatif · 13/04/2021 15:49

None of my Dad's side could be bothered showing up to our wedding or responding to RSVPS, only one family on that side made excuses. Plus, we'd had a tragic event in the run up to our wedding and none of them bothered to offer any condolences. I don't bother with any of them anymore.

HikeForward · 13/04/2021 15:50

On the day everyone turned up except my brothers wife and daughter, no call no apology no nothing. When I asked I was told his wife had a migraine but no reason regarding his daughter

You really think she should have called to apologise for having a migraine and missing afternoon tea just because you’d thrown an expensive, exclusive 21st birthday event? That your brother should have grovelled for his wife being ill and his daughter not attending? (Guess she was taking care of her mother).

Some people seem to have no compassion.

user1490954378 · 13/04/2021 15:51

I probably wouldn't bother with them again, and just forget about it. There's more to life quite honestly.

Seeleyboo · 13/04/2021 15:55

I had 2 day time guests not turn up or let anyone know. Very small wedding and at £250 a head very expensive. I never spoke to them again. I'm not sure I would hold a grudge for an evening invite but I'd probably never socialise with them again.

thebillyotea · 13/04/2021 16:09

at £250 a head

I have nothing against expensive weddings, but what did that include! Shock Was there expensive champagne and wine for the guests?

BRB2021 · 13/04/2021 16:30

That your brother should have grovelled for his wife being ill and his daughter not attending?

Grovelled? Talk about OTT are you a DM headline writer?

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/04/2021 16:33

@Seeleyboo

I had 2 day time guests not turn up or let anyone know. Very small wedding and at £250 a head very expensive. I never spoke to them again. I'm not sure I would hold a grudge for an evening invite but I'd probably never socialise with them again.
Did you deliberately keep the guest list small in order to spend £250 per head?
HalfTermHalfTerm · 13/04/2021 17:12

@HikeForward

On the day everyone turned up except my brothers wife and daughter, no call no apology no nothing. When I asked I was told his wife had a migraine but no reason regarding his daughter

You really think she should have called to apologise for having a migraine and missing afternoon tea just because you’d thrown an expensive, exclusive 21st birthday event? That your brother should have grovelled for his wife being ill and his daughter not attending? (Guess she was taking care of her mother).

Some people seem to have no compassion.

If the brother attended (which it seems like he did) then it would have been polite for him to either call/text before and let them know it would just be him coming or for him to come up to the host and explain that his wife was unwell so she wasn’t able to make it. Nobody can help being ill (of course) but it is waste of the host’s money so a courtesy apology would be good!
ddl1 · 13/04/2021 17:27

At 1pm I was still waiting for her and the ceremony was due to start at 3pm!
She eventually arrived at 1.55pm.
I had to wash my hair and put my own makeup on whilst she was getting herself into her dress which annoyed me, then with such a tiny window of time before we had to leave the house I actually left for my wedding with wet, unstyled hair!
She'd also been on holiday the previous week and got herself a really red sunburn all around her neck and chest but the pattern wasn't conducive with the neckline of her bridesmaid's dress so you could see the sunburn and white patches (not great on the wedding photos!) which got my back up even more.
With hindsight (what a marvelous thing that is!), I think it would have been better if she hadn't turned up that day, I'd have done my hair and makeup earlier rather than sitting around waiting for her plus she wouldn't have ruined the photos.

Well, it was rude and inconsiderate for her to turn up late when she was a bridesmaid and had promised to come at a certain time.

But if your main preoccupation is how she looks in the photos, I'm not very surprised that she may not put a very high value on the friendship.

Harmonypuss · 13/04/2021 17:36

MarieIVanArkleStinks .....

When someone makes a commitment to do something like hair and makeup for a bride then can't be bothered to turn up until its too late to do it, I think the bride would have excellent grounds to be p*ssed off.
Also, said bridesmaid knew exactly the cut of the dress and whilst on holiday wore something that was less revealing than said dress knowing that it would leave a pattern of sunburn and white bits that would all be seen on my wedding day.
Several people commented on the sunburn not only on the day but also when the photos were shown around afterwards (including her own partner), so it wasn't just me that said she'd spoilt them!
We'd been best friends since we were 11 and this attitude to my wedding day really got my back up, so much so that I made it perfectly clear that I would not be attending her wedding a few months later (I was meant to be a witness) and I cut all ties with her.
If your best friend can't respect your wedding day, who will?

Vuyo85 · 13/04/2021 18:27

I wouldn't hold a grudge because I would have cut them off at the time

Seeleyboo · 13/04/2021 18:45

The wedding was 48 guests and looking back I needed a head slap. The marriage didn't last 6 years. When I married again it was 30 per head and we are still going strong.

lap90 · 13/04/2021 18:49

@riddles26

OP has not stated her culture to know whether evening invites are the norm or not. Funnily enough, my British friends also do not seen an evening event as an insult, it just seems to be the case on MN Confused
I don't think it's a purely MN thing as some on here claim. I mean, people fall out over this stuff; I recall a friend having an issue with another friend for the invitation to an evening do as for her wedding, the friend has been invited for the full day.
StillCoughingandLaughing · 13/04/2021 19:58

@HikeForward

On the day everyone turned up except my brothers wife and daughter, no call no apology no nothing. When I asked I was told his wife had a migraine but no reason regarding his daughter

You really think she should have called to apologise for having a migraine and missing afternoon tea just because you’d thrown an expensive, exclusive 21st birthday event? That your brother should have grovelled for his wife being ill and his daughter not attending? (Guess she was taking care of her mother).

Some people seem to have no compassion.

Why wouldn’t you apologise? Whilst migraines are unavoidable, surely you’d feel at least some guilt at a relative being out of pocket?
StillCoughingandLaughing · 13/04/2021 20:07

Did you deliberately keep the guest list small in order to spend £250 per head?

Yeah, you should have had a massive trough of oven chips and given everyone you’d ever met a plastic fork.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/04/2021 20:11

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Did you deliberately keep the guest list small in order to spend £250 per head?

Yeah, you should have had a massive trough of oven chips and given everyone you’d ever met a plastic fork.

You appear to have a trough of chips on your shoulder, dear 😂😂😂 Give over, you are really very boring.