Page 17 | Holding on to a grudge for a wedding no show?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 21:18

Are some people only allowed out in the evenings without children when they're invited to an evening wedding reception?
Why not just book a babysitter and go to a venue of your choice?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 21:18

Another time, I mean, not necessarily instead of.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/04/2021 21:50

@GreyhoundG1rl

Are some people only allowed out in the evenings without children when they're invited to an evening wedding reception? Why not just book a babysitter and go to a venue of your choice?

What IS it with you? If anyone dares to admit they enjoy a wedding evening do, you seem determined to prove there is something else they would enjoy more, or some other alternative. Why?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 21:55

Can you stop replying to my posts StillCoughing, when it's clear that you

Haven't grasped the point, and 2) I'm not actually addressing you. It's getting quite annoying.

RuggeryBuggery · 12/04/2021 21:57

Evening guest? Thought you meant someone that didn’t turn up for full on sit down meal or something, which sadly does happen and is unfortunate. But evening guest... no way! Probably thought you wouldn’t even notice!

KinderWild · 12/04/2021 21:59

I wouldn't bother unless there was some form of acknowledgement that they didn't turn up to the wedding and explanation why.

One of my DH friends didn't turn up to our wedding - we didn't invite people to the evening as we married far from where we lived and everyone had to travel. It was £60 a head. We ended up inviting our photographer to join the sit down meal which meant the meal didn't go to waste and he got some great shots but I was pissed off as I had not invited two close work friends as we were trying to keep numbers down and could have used that place for them (would have added the other one in, if that makes sense). DH hasn't spoken to his friend since which I am sad about but he was very hurt and she made no effort to contact him with an explanation.

I also had a friend not turn up to my son's christening with no explanation. We are very good friends and I got the impression she was having a tough time re not having kids etc. She said she forgot but I really felt there was more to it. But she's a dear friend and this was out of character, so I totally let that one go.

LadyOfTheRingsS · 12/04/2021 21:59

@Sightforsoreeyez

Would you be upset at an evening guest that didn’t show up because they decided to go out drinking with their friends instead and never messaged on the day to say they weren’t showing up? Limited guests so I would have invited someone else.

Obviously this was a couple of years ago now but that person has since messaged me to meet up for a catch up. Am I silly for holding on to a grudge most people wouldn’t be bothered about?

Similar thing happened to me at my wedding to DH.

Except it was quite a lot of his extended family. And they never said anything.

But I married DH not them. And I don't speak to any of them 😒

glittereyelash · 12/04/2021 22:34

I had a few no shows at my wedding for my full wedding 6 people from the same table let me know that morning they couldn't make it. I didn't care then because I was so happy on the day and I don't care now because life's too short ❤️

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/04/2021 22:49

@GreyhoundG1rl

Can you stop replying to my posts StillCoughing, when it's clear that you 1) Haven't grasped the point, and 2) I'm not actually addressing you. It's getting quite annoying.

1) I’ve grasped the point perfectly. 2) It’s a public forum - you don’t get to choose who does and doesn’t reply to your posts.

Original poster

Sightforsoreeyez · 12/04/2021 22:53

@glittereyelash

I had a few no shows at my wedding for my full wedding 6 people from the same table let me know that morning they couldn't make it. I didn't care then because I was so happy on the day and I don't care now because life's too short ❤️

Cared enough to notice, remember and then regale us all with a thrilling story. Lives too short - let it go already.

OP posts:

Mamaslave21 · 12/04/2021 23:11

I’ve never been a no- show but I did pull out of attending a friends wedding a week before and haven’t been spoken to since. I was heavily pregnant and had been in hospital with complications, my dad had recently died and my marriage was on the brink of ending. I didn’t know any of the other guests and was going to have to attend alone with my 2 year old. I was sent an itinerary and saw that we were all being bussed to a city centre bar after the ceremony before being taken to the reception. The meal and speeches were then due to start late and go on for ages, so I didn't even have the option of ducking out early. It would have been hell with a toddler without the other things I had going on so I pulled out. The couple were furious I had ruined their seating plan and have unfriended me since.

PrelovedWithValue · 12/04/2021 23:17

Cared enough to notice, remember and then regale us all with a thrilling story. Lives too short - let it go already

You are back!

And telling someone that isn't holding a grudge to let it go already. I can't tell if you are trying to be funny or if you are just being hypocritical. Hopefully the first one 🙂

pollymere · 12/04/2021 23:38

My child got Swine Flu the night before her Godmother's wedding about ten years ago. We did phone but we've never seen her since nor had any cards or anything. She used to come to every party and buy lovely presents before. Don't hold grudges. Meet up and base your friendship on that. You may then realize your friendship isn't valued but don't ruin it based on one evening, even if it was your wedding.

MNWorldisCrazy · 12/04/2021 23:43

@Scarby9

Yes. I hold a grudge about a former work colleague who didn't turn up to my 50th and didn't let me know. The numbers were strictly limited and I had paid £30 a head. When I saw her on the Monday she said she had been 'all cosy in my jim-jams and I just couldn't be bothered'.

Please tell me you told her how much she'd cost you?

MNWorldisCrazy · 12/04/2021 23:47

@Aprilshowersandhail

On the morning of the wedding my dd showed me pics she had uploaded on Instagram of her dc in full wedding guest attire .. Could hardly ring her and tell her not to bring them. One wore a fuchsia pink dress and is peeping into every bloody photo like Where's friggin Wally?

I bloody would've done!!! I would've called her immediately said I'm sorry but no kids allowed

Carpedimum · 12/04/2021 23:59

I didn’t turn up for a friends evening do because I was overcome by cba attitude. On reflection this was a symptom of what ended up a much more serious MH situation. I’d previously invited her to my full wedding, she only invited me to the evening, I really didn’t think my presence in a crowd of 120+ mattered that much. Also, she knew that I was in a dark place because my marriage had dramatically fallen apart. I just couldn’t face a wedding reception and I didn’t let her know because it was before the advent of mobiles. Unfortunately, I badly misjudged it, she did miss me and was cool with me for a very long time. That said, nothing short of a house fire would have got me out of the house that evening.

londonscalling · 13/04/2021 00:03

If they can't prioritise you then don't prioritise them. It's totally disrespectful and offensive!

Ddot · 13/04/2021 05:54

Its rude and disrespectful but you haven't heard from her for years. Could you maybe find out why she did this, I would need to know. If she hasn't had a sudden death in the family or maybe lost a leg then tell her she hurt your feelings and wasted your money. She should pay for coffee but only if she has all her limbs. Am I being harsh 🤣

ufucoffee · 13/04/2021 07:21

To those saying evening only invites are rude, don't they consider that some people can't afford to pay for all of their friends and family at the daytime meal and drinks etc. I'd rather be invited to the evening do of a friend or colleague than not at all and I'm not so bad mannered I wouldn't turn up.

RampantIvy · 13/04/2021 08:05

I think they think they are more important to the bride than they really are @ufucoffee.

I have never been that close to any of the people who have issued evening invitations to me, so I have always been delighted to receive an invitation. As a work colleague I wouldn't have expected an invitation to the whole day.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/04/2021 08:08

Yes @ufucoffee - I completely understand that. It's why a venue and event that can be afforded for everyone should be chosen. If you can't afford to entertain everyone at a swanky hotel, accept you can't afford it and hire a village hall and have a buffet or a barn and have a hog roast.

The most important part of a wedding is the marriage ceremony and it's rude to exclude people from that or they attend and aren't invited to the next bit. The second most important part is the comfort and enjoyment of the guests. When the first two parts are satisfied then the bride and groom should be happy too. Marriages are about solemn promises, community and love. Weddings are about designer frocks, favours and chocolate fountains.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/04/2021 08:10

@RampantIvy I haven't been to many weddings where work colleagues have been invited except those who have been close friends. It's a fine dividing line.

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 13/04/2021 08:13

I wouldn't hold a grudge about it for an evening guest.

Probably be a bit pissed off if it was an all day guest,but not sure it would last long.

Maybe your friend was offended about only being invited to the evening reception? Some people are weird about that (But in my experience, only on mumsnet!)

RampantIvy · 13/04/2021 08:18

I think some people are missing the point about register offices. Due to fire regulations they can't always accommodate every guest that the bride and groom want to invite. And, isn't the register office the cheapest place to get married?

When my cousin got married there were only 12 people at the actual ceremony, but most people got invited to the festivities straight after the ceremony, then more came in the evening. It was a DIY wedding, and the best one I have ever attended.

Sadly the marriage didn't last.

Wildswimming3 · 13/04/2021 08:21

To put a different spin on this, imagine getting married in the next few weeks and you cou!d only have upto 15 guests and one didnt turn up?