Heartbroken- help me understand please

[tartantroosers]

I am heartbroken and it makes no sense. For background, I'm a (long) divorced single parent with a teenage son and have been pootling along quite happily, no dramas, a few nice relationships, all good. A couple of months ago a guy contacted me on OLD and we chatted. I've dated a lot, and wasn't desperate to meet anyone, but we started talking, and from that point something just clicked for both of us. We spent the whole of March chatting on FaceTime, literally hours a day- every night, early morning and always initiated by him. Probably 100 hours in total! Never happened to me before. He literally ticked every box that means anything to me, and he couldn't put me down. We met the first day it was allowed to travel to meet, and we both said how much we were looking forward to meeting. I was prepared to admit the possibility that it wouldn't be the same IRL and we might just go our separate ways but we just lay on the grass in a London park and kissed and talked for four hours. He was most definitely "interested". I should say that on meeting he said immediately that he wanted to tell me he'd had mental health issues in his twenties (he is 55, same age as me) but was ok now and on medication. I was a bit shocked but there had been no issues over a month of talking, nothing odd or 'off' about him at all. Kind, loves his mum, good strong family and close friends. Stable job, plays the organ in church, Cambridge arts grad, blah blah. He seemed visibly relieved to have got this off his chest. Chatted that night, next day, then suddenly the day after that he called me, and I thought something awful had happened, he looked so empty and sad. When I asked what had happened , he said "I just can't see it working". I was so shocked but he couldn't give me any reason at all. Then some smokescreen issues about distance (40 miles and close to London) and wanting to settle down with someone (as do I) and that was it. A few distraught calls and texts (me) but now silence. He keeps saying he's sorry but I am in bits. No proper sleep for 2 weeks and have lost a stone which I can't afford to. Can anyone stop me losing the plot? It's worse than being 14 all over again. The hardest thing is not having any answers and the pain is worse than anything I've experienced- i feel utterly 'consumed' by him and then discarded. Please help.

[Hollywolly1]

To be honest here don't get sucked in by him telling you he has a MH condition I'm calling bullshit on that one,its just a very poor excuse some people use to justify them treating other people horribly. I wonder did he possibly get let down very badly by a previous partner or even abandoned by his own mother? and this is his way of getting back at women

[Bubblebu]

Sightforsore...

No definitely not him.

But seen enough to recognise them....

[toiletbrushholder]

I've had similar experiences, OLD can lead to an intense fantasy of who the other person is, a relationship that seems more advanced than it is. This happened to me a couple of times when I was younger. In retrospect I am really glad it did, was very painful at the time. Think of it as a lucky escape ❤️

[kittycorner]

I'm sad for you @tartantroosers. It's been a hard year in so many ways, I wonder if he and the relationship were a ray of hope. It's always hard when hope is dashed, especially when out of our control.

You probably would benefit from speaking to someone, and some things to boost your mental health. Walks, catching up with friends. Go easy on yourself right now.

[Coffeepot72]

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened. I've got friends who've had similar experiences with online dating - by the time you've spent a month (sometimes more) messaging and talking, you've almost convinced yourself that the future's sorted, even though you've never met.