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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think calling in sick for no sleep is a good enough reason?

518 replies

Rachelinaa · 11/04/2021 03:16

I work in an office that's been open through most of lockdown due to admin we do being essential.
Recently one of my workmates has been calling in sick a lot because he hasn't been sleeping well as he's got a baby at home that won't sleep. I was shocked to hear other people at work saying they thought it was a ridiculous reason not to come to work and we've all had to come to work tired. But I thought they'd be able to see the difference between being tired and not sleeping at all. His baby has colic and the mum also works.
I've called in sick before for being too tired when my baby was a newborn and didn't sleep. I wondered what everyone else's thoughts on this was? I personally don't want someone driving to work if they're too tired to focus and I can't think that the boss would want someone in more likely to make mistakes.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 11/04/2021 08:10

I have definitely been too tired to drive safely at some of the worst points of baby sleep, which I guess would be a reasonable threshold for calling in sick. It's awful having a non sleeping baby, but if they're both back at work then they need to sort a shift system so they both get enough sleep to function.

I do agree a woman would get less sympathy in the workplace for this than a man!

ememem84 · 11/04/2021 08:11

I called in for this reason a week or so ago. Dd is almost 2. Ds 3.5. And I had a maybe a week of only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night. I was done. Absolutely exhausted.

The last night it happened I started getting a migraine and called in first thing. I slept all day. And have been gradually catching up over the last couple of weeks.

My boss is fairly laid back and was ok with it. My sickness isn’t bad so I didn’t feel bad taking the time.

If any of my team needed the same I’d absolutely agree it’s important.

SteveArnottsbeadyeyes · 11/04/2021 08:11

I said yabu as you’ve said “phoning in a lot”. Once to catch up - meh. But if it’s once a week then he’s taking the piss. He’s not sick - he needs to take holiday leave

Morgan12 · 11/04/2021 08:11

Hmmm not sure on this one. Need more info.

I've had many bad nights with my DC but would still have been able to work the next day. Just need to power through.

However I've also had nights with literally zero sleep and there's no way I could have went to work the next day.

FindingMeno · 11/04/2021 08:12

If a job could be dangerous through serious lack of sleep ( driving lorries, handling dangerous machinery etc) I have some sympathy.
Other than that, unless its very very occasional, I would wonder whether the person was a bit of a shirker if I'm being honest.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 11/04/2021 08:13

Being tired is not an illness.they should take annual leave

FreekStar · 11/04/2021 08:14

YABU!!! Unless he's got a job where it would be dangerous to be tired like a pilot or a surgeon then he can suck it up! And even then the family should be managing the baby so that that person isn't the one getting up in the night.

Everyone who has a baby will be tired, babies don't sleep all night! Somebody has to get up every few hours to feed or comfort them- that's the nature of babies! Colic or not! (I don't even think this exists- it's just babies struggling with digestion and wind like most of them do). And it's unlikely to be true that he has NO sleep- the baby can't be awake the entire night! Steps have to be taken to manage this- not expect someone else to pay you whilst you are just looking after the child.

Bul21ia · 11/04/2021 08:15

I wouldn’t call work and say that. I say that and my DS was a horrendous sleeper.

How old is the baby? Because this could go on a while plus there’s 2 parents and 1 is unable to go to work Confused.

drpet49 · 11/04/2021 08:16

YABU- being tired from a new baby isn’t sickness. My work wouldn’t allow someone to take this as sick and would trigger the absence policy anyway.

year5teacher · 11/04/2021 08:17

I think it’s fair enough, I can’t comment on long term sleep deprivation but once my DP had a medical emergency in the night and I didn’t sleep at all and went into work anyway. Don’t think the children got much in the way of decent lessons, so I probably should have stayed off, but it was in the first term of my NQT year!

BakewellGin1 · 11/04/2021 08:20

My youngest DS is 2, gets up during the night then gets up early... I'm tired and DH works away. Guess what I go to work Grin

Oldest was colicky woke up on the hour every hour at least... Screamed for hours... And yes I still had to go to work.

Not a chance we could phone in sick with tiredness neither I imagine could many others

lboogy · 11/04/2021 08:20

I've done it once in the 2 years since I've been back at work. I was literally shaking from lack of sleep. Lack of sleep affects some people worse than others

PlasticCupPolitics · 11/04/2021 08:21

@FreekStar

YABU!!! Unless he's got a job where it would be dangerous to be tired like a pilot or a surgeon then he can suck it up! And even then the family should be managing the baby so that that person isn't the one getting up in the night.

Everyone who has a baby will be tired, babies don't sleep all night! Somebody has to get up every few hours to feed or comfort them- that's the nature of babies! Colic or not! (I don't even think this exists- it's just babies struggling with digestion and wind like most of them do). And it's unlikely to be true that he has NO sleep- the baby can't be awake the entire night! Steps have to be taken to manage this- not expect someone else to pay you whilst you are just looking after the child.

Or a driver, paramedic, nurse, GP, midwife etc - so many jobs where having absolutely zero sleep would be dangerous.

It’s hilarious that you think a baby can’t possibly be awake all night, trust me, they can. And it’s all well and good talking about parents taking shifts but when there’s a baby screaming the house down, who actually gets any sleep anyway?

I agree with the PP in Australia, we are fucking ridiculous about sickness in the UK. He is a grown adult, he can decide if he’s not fit for work & if his boss disputes this then that’s between them. It isn’t up for discussion by the entire office and I’m not sure that you should all be privy to his reasons for being off work anyway?

Billandben444 · 11/04/2021 08:23

Th person ringing in at OP’s workplace is also ridiculous. What if the baby doesn’t sleep through for years, will he keep ringing in?
You're the one being ridiculous! He'd need to get a grip and sort his life out or be a SAHD and give his job to someone who's a team player. This me-me-me way of thinking is selfish and depressing.

Saltyslug · 11/04/2021 08:23

It depends on the degree of sleep loss and if the person is a piss taker or not. Also depends on transportation and what could potentially go wrong at work.

A brain surgeon, distance car commuting employee or a long distance lorry driver feeling unwell through lack of sleep - then it’s very sensible to ring in ill. Same levels of exhaustion but doing an office job - it’s mostly fine to push through and aim to have an early night instead.

Someone who takes sickies often and shows low level of commitment to work, I’d think they were taking the piss having the day off for a sleepless nights

A committed worker with good attendance I’d have no problem with.

Shrivelled · 11/04/2021 08:25

A manager once told me that people who take the odd day off here and there and give a poor excuse, usually the reason is stress related and they’re not being honest. Especially if they’ve previously been a good employee.

SomethingbeginningL · 11/04/2021 08:25

It depends how often.
Considering he has a new born and wife who is also working... I'd say 3-4 times in total maximum would be ok.

sbhydrogen · 11/04/2021 08:25

I've never known anyone take a whole day off for being tired, but very often there's a message that says "going to catch up on sleep after a rough night, I'll be online later" and nobody bats an eyelid.

AIMD · 11/04/2021 08:26

How old is the baby? I’m guessing weeks/a month or two old?!

Have either parent taken parental/maternity/paternity leave?

I think it’s great his work are showing concern for someone who has previously been a very dedicated and reliable employee. Presumably the situation is only temporary while the baby has colic. Treat good employees well and they will stay.

Having said that I am surprised it is going down as sickness leave and other options are t being considered such as flexible working, parental leave etc. He could arrange to start a few hours later for a short period or something.

I do think that there are people who would work themselves into a grave and put work before their family and these people sometimes have their noses knocked out of joint when they see someone being supported by their employer to put their fa ily first.

If I were another employee in this company I’d be thinking how lucky I was to work for a company that supported its employees when they need time off for family related issues. Anyone could be in that position and need flexibility at short notice due to family sickness or injury.

BadlyArrangedToasties · 11/04/2021 08:27

Why do you all know the reasons he called in sick? You should not have been told. As manager, my team will sometimes tell me why they are calling in sick (flu, migraine etc) -I never ask, but I certainly don’t tell anyone else why! Perhaps you all don’t know the full story? Why are you gossiping behind his back? Sounds like a horrible work environment.

AIMD · 11/04/2021 08:29

@BadlyArrangedToasties

Why do you all know the reasons he called in sick? You should not have been told. As manager, my team will sometimes tell me why they are calling in sick (flu, migraine etc) -I never ask, but I certainly don’t tell anyone else why! Perhaps you all don’t know the full story? Why are you gossiping behind his back? Sounds like a horrible work environment.
This is a good point. There could be another issue with the baby or his partner and “tiredness” is just a cover issue.

Once place I worked always said people had “bad backs” as a way to explain why they couldn’t carry heavy loads when people were in the early stages of pregnancy.

fightingSmiths · 11/04/2021 08:32

*Why do you all know the reasons he called in sick? You should not have been told."

my line manager always wants to know an explanation with a timeline when I expect to return. I had flu last year and had to call in every morning with an update of my symptoms and to explain myself why I was not yet in. İs this not standard?

AIMD · 11/04/2021 08:34

@fightingSmiths

*Why do you all know the reasons he called in sick? You should not have been told."

my line manager always wants to know an explanation with a timeline when I expect to return. I had flu last year and had to call in every morning with an update of my symptoms and to explain myself why I was not yet in. İs this not standard?

Your manager might ask for a reasons nd an update but they shouldn’t then share your personal details with your colleagues.
Wannabegreenfingers · 11/04/2021 08:36

I got sent home home once after my non sleeping daughter had a run of spectacularly bad night's. I've never called in sick.

Biker47 · 11/04/2021 08:42

Should be using their holiday time, not calling in sick.

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