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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this comment was misogynistic?

164 replies

LancesGold · 10/04/2021 15:52

I've recently started dipping my toe into online dating. Been out for two coffee walk dates with a man who seems nice.

We were texting last night and both saying how we can't wait to get haircuts. I mentioned that some years ago I wore my hair in a pixie style crop for a long time. He responded with "You'll have looked okay with short hair though because you're attractive"

AIBU to think that this was a bit of a misogynistic thing to say? I did respond saying that he sounded like he was saying only nice looking (in his view) women should have short hair and that it was a bit of a sexist comment. He was a bit put out and denied that it was.

I'll admit I'm on the lookout big time for red flags as I've not long come out of a marriage that completely went to shit. Am I being over sensitive? Really can't decided if I am or notHmm

OP posts:
PipersOrange · 10/04/2021 15:53

Sounds like a compliment to me. He said that you were attractive. Some people dont suit short hair

MiddleParking · 10/04/2021 15:54

Yeah he sounds like a dick.

Happycat1212 · 10/04/2021 15:55

🙄

eachtigertires · 10/04/2021 15:55

I agree with you, I think it was sexist. He wouldn’t have said it to/about a man.

Butchyrestingface · 10/04/2021 15:56

I don’t think he was making any pronouncement on who should and shouldn’t have short hair.

Sounds like a throwaway comment intended as a compliment that he didn’t expect to be subjected to the sexist bastard smell test.

Happycat1212 · 10/04/2021 15:56

It was a compliment, are you always so easily offended?

RubyFowler · 10/04/2021 15:56

I think he was trying to compliment you by saying you have a pretty face.

But I guess, on another level he's making a statement that women should be making themselves as attractive as possible and if you're not pretty then long hair will be better. But he probably doesn't even realise that's what he thinks if you know what I mean!

On its own I wouldn't worry about that comment.

lollipoprainbow · 10/04/2021 15:56

Why are people so easily offended 🙄

PipersOrange · 10/04/2021 15:57

Why wouldn't he have said 'that guy would suit long hair because he's got an attractive face'?. Honestly don't see the sexism here

billy1966 · 10/04/2021 15:57

Well I actually agree with him.
Anyone that I have admired the pixie haircut on has had a very small pretty face.

It's a gorgeous cut, but I couldn't ever get away with it and I would consider myself a good looking woman.

He may have been just trying to pay you a compliment.

The singer Sinead O'connor managed to make a bald head on a woman look breathtaking.

Nobody I ever knew was tempted to follow the look.😁

Quaagars · 10/04/2021 15:58

I'd have tool that as a compliment - as in he's saying you'd have suited short hair with your attractive face.

Returnoftheowl · 10/04/2021 15:58

@Butchyrestingface

I don’t think he was making any pronouncement on who should and shouldn’t have short hair.

Sounds like a throwaway comment intended as a compliment that he didn’t expect to be subjected to the sexist bastard smell test.

I agree with this.
Quaagars · 10/04/2021 15:58

took

MandalaYogaTapestry · 10/04/2021 15:58

He wasn't being a dick. Not many women suit short hair however it is absolutely fine of course to have it short. Some women don't care about where it suits them. He was just saying that you look attractive with it because you are attractive. Not a red flag.

Butchyrestingface · 10/04/2021 15:58

@eachtigertires

I agree with you, I think it was sexist. He wouldn’t have said it to/about a man.
Now I’m imagining him saying to a bloke, “you’ll look okay with a full-on Rapunzel because you’re manly”. Grin
SwimBaby · 10/04/2021 15:59

I see no evidence of women hatred from the comment.

Original poster
LancesGold · 10/04/2021 16:00

In general no I'm not easily offended. However when it comes to men I will completely admit to being incredibly on my guard.

Perhaps it's too early for me to be dating again. Ex husbands has been gone over a year though and I'm missing male company.

OP posts:
Happycat1212 · 10/04/2021 16:00

I thought you was going to say he was telling you not to do it again, now that would be rude but it sounds like a compliment which is usual in dating, shockingly 😱 it’s a hard hair style to pull off

Standrewsschool · 10/04/2021 16:00

I read that comment as meaning that short hair doesn’t suit everyone, but as op is attractive, it will suit her.

I don’t think it’s a red flag matter.

MiddleParking · 10/04/2021 16:02

“You’ll have looked okay with short hair though”? Yeah a real princely thing to say to a potential romantic interest when she says she used to have a pixie cut. OP, there’s a reason this set off your red flag detector. You should have high standards even if some people don’t.

LucieStar · 10/04/2021 16:02

No. It definitely wasn't misogynistic in the slightest. As others have said, it's a compliment.

MiddleParking · 10/04/2021 16:04

A compliment in this context would be, “I bet short hair looked great on you/really suited your face”. Not ‘You’ll have looked okay with short hair though’.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 10/04/2021 16:05

Christ I wouldn't want to be a man trying to date.

Original poster
LancesGold · 10/04/2021 16:06

@MiddleParking That's what my gut Immediately told me but the general consensus seems to be I'm being OTTConfused

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/04/2021 16:07

@Butchyrestingface

I don’t think he was making any pronouncement on who should and shouldn’t have short hair.

Sounds like a throwaway comment intended as a compliment that he didn’t expect to be subjected to the sexist bastard smell test.

This made me laugh out loud but totally nails it. 😂