To think this comment was misogynistic?

[LancesGold]

I've recently started dipping my toe into online dating. Been out for two coffee walk dates with a man who seems nice.

We were texting last night and both saying how we can't wait to get haircuts. I mentioned that some years ago I wore my hair in a pixie style crop for a long time. He responded with "You'll have looked okay with short hair though because you're attractive"

AIBU to think that this was a bit of a misogynistic thing to say? I did respond saying that he sounded like he was saying only nice looking (in his view) women should have short hair and that it was a bit of a sexist comment. He was a bit put out and denied that it was.

I'll admit I'm on the lookout big time for red flags as I've not long come out of a marriage that completely went to shit. Am I being over sensitive? Really can't decided if I am or not

@KatherineJaneway

Sounds like you've made a big deal of this kind comment so you can justify leaving the relationship.

If its not working for you, just leave.

Agree with this.

According to some posters here, a man is not allowed to pay a woman a compliment, (like ever!) He can't say she has pretty blue eyes, and lovely long curls etc, in case it offends brown eyed women with straight hair?

If a man's says he prefers a woman with shoulder length, or longer hair, he is sexist and controlling, and saying women with short hair are unappealing and ugly?

If he likes a woman to be 3-4 inches or more shorter than him, he is saying taller women are repugnant?

Why the hell do some women turn anything and everything innocuous into something bad?

Like she says 'should I wear the blue dress, or the red one?' He says 'umm the blue one...' she says 'WHY? What's wrong with the red one? Are you saying I look horrible in the red dress?'

And he says 'you've lost weight, you look great...' SHE says 'ARE YOU SAYING I WAS FAT BEFORE, WAS I REPUGNANT TO YOU? ARGHHHH ANGRY!!!!!!'

Fuck me, when did we become such a precious, snowflakey society, offended by EVERYthing?!

This reminds me of when a certain celebrity on Twitter said Adele looks gorgeous after her weight loss... This person was ANIHALATED on Twitter, and told they were fucking disgusting, as they were CLEARLY saying Adele was fat and ugly before, and also that every overweight woman is UGLY and repugnant. ARGH ANGRY!

Women seem to be able to say they hate beards on men, back hair, baldness, short men, blah blah blah, but GOD FORBID a man has a preference for something when it comes to women.

Do we have to think everything to death these days?

If you don’t like him just end it.

@littlepattilou

Agree with your entire post

I think what he said was fine.

Yes all women are entitled to whatever hair cut they prefer, regardless of what anyone else thinks. One's physical attractiveness to others should be irrelevant EXCEPT in a situation where you are are may become someone's romantic partner. Because like it or not physical attraction plays a big part of that.

So, considering attractiveness to others ... he had expressed a view that indicates that he only finds women with pixie cuts attractive if they have a pretty face. I think that's fair enough. Most if us who haven't been blessed with great beauty will have a hairstyle that frames our face in a complimentary way and makes the best of what we have. He seems to be saying you don't even need to that. It's a lovely compliment.

There was a thread a while back where the OP had the opposite problem. She had long thick hair that she liked to wear down and her boyfriend kept nagging her to wear it up or have it bobbed. I had quite the opposite opinion of him , because the OP didn't want to wear her hair like that and he kept pushing it. It was almost as if he'd fetishised the preferred hairstyle itself (which was also his ex's hairstyle!) Her face would not have looked "prettier" with less hair framing it, though as I've noted above I think the reverse can be true.

@TheSmallAssassin

I think you are really stretching to call this a "kind comment" *@KatherineJaneway* - it's a grudging compliment at best. We deserve better.

Even unattractive women can "look ok" with short hair. And even if they look shocking, what of it, if they want to wear their hair short? Such a bizarre comment to make.

That's your point of view, not mine.

Well said @littlepattilou 👏

I see what you’re saying, I have a pixie crop and am often told I can “get away with it” because I have a pretty face. I usually take it as a compliment. I wouldn’t end a potential relationship because of it, i don’t think he meant it to be misogynistic, assuming it’s an isolated incident?.

Some of you are really twisting yourself in knots to argue that it was a "lovely compliment" - it really isn't, he could have said she was attractive in a million other ways that wouldn't have a judgement in there. That's what is making the OP uncomfortable, not that she doesn't want him to pay her a compliment. It is absolutely fine to expect men to do better.

OP, i reckon it scores about 1 on the sexist Richter scale. (I started sensing something amiss with my xDP when it transpired he had a major objection to the existence of Women's Hour on the radio; he equated circumcision with radical FGM; and somehow every time there was a horrific high profile rape case he would side with the man/men) but it sounds like he's giving you the ick a bit anyway, I'm sure if you were properly into him you wouldn't be asking this.

OP I wouldn’t spend much time worrying about whether the comment was sexist or not. Something tells me relationship isn’t going to last much longer.

littlepatilou Why the hell do some women turn anything and everything innocuous into something bad?

Because the world is full of creeps, all too ready with their meaningless "compliments", only saying these things for gain, usually casual sex or manipulation.

Stop being so niaive.

The man haters are out in force today 🤣

Thank you @littlepattilou 🙏

@TheresAnEyeInMeSoup

My friends husband won't let her get a haircut passed her shoulder. Women should have long hair type thing.

Grim if I was the wife, I'd shave my head in protest.

Me too! I said I to her I would shave it all off to make a point. She really suits short hair too, that's how the conversation came up because she hates her fine hair and it looks better shorter. I always tell her it's her hair not his and he shouldn't have a say!