To think you can have a perfectly nice life as an only child?!

[GordonYaSelfishTwit]

Am I the only 'only" who actually really enjoyed their childhood and has never once felt hard done by because I don't have a sibling?

I always see people talk about this as if it's really negative but I really liked being an only child (and I still do!).

My child has half siblings on their dad's side but if not, he'd be an only too! And he will likely grow up like one in day to day life as his siblings are quite a bit older. I don't feel guilty for not 'giving him a sibling'.

Some of the sharing things can be due to how your parents behave though -

My parents made a lot of effort for example on holidays that we did something we would all enjoy

• Trip to zoo for me
• Go round embroidery exhibition for DM
• Tram museum for DF - utter snoozefest for me and DM but I did get the point

OK I had a load of mental health problems - but those are because my parents experienced massive trauma in their childhoods in WW2 and it's aftermath, not because I'm an only child. Plus there are loads of adults with siblings with mental health problems too.

I also had a lot of material advantages from being an only child - my parents could not have afforded for 2 the things they managed for 1.

LauristonLane

That's because he's a selfish wanker. Do you think there are no people with siblings who are selfish? The most selfish people I know are 1 of 3 and 1 of 5.

I'm an only and learned to share and consider others,like anyone else. I had friends, classmates, extended family, pets and my parents, because they're people with their own needs too, to consider and learn to compromise and share with.

I don't go around assuming that the selfish people with siblings are selfish because they didn't get enough attention or belongings of their own so covet what they have as adults, so why assume that his only child status is responsible

I'm also amused by the idea that all with siblings learned to share nicely. My cousins tended to compromise by mauling each other until one got the better of the other.

The most selfish person I know - well self absorbed and a bit thoughtless - is one of many (but the golden child).

The most selfish people I know have siblings.

Most of my friends don’t have the best relationship with their siblings.

Most of my friends kids don’t really get on that well with their siblings.

Most of my friends have said lockdown was hard due constant sibling fighting.

Yet the “only” children are still pitied quite frequently on here in real life. It’s quite sad when adults do that. There are very happy siblings and there are very happy solo children. Why anyone really cares how many kids you have, I do not know. Projection, I guess.

My partner was an only child until he was 21, both of his parents are onlt children. He didn’t dislike being an only as such, but as he didn’t have aunts, uncles or cousins he felt he had missed out on vital relationships most children had, so he felt having a sibling fairly close in age would have been positive. He found holidays hard as he didn’t have anyone to play with, including school holidays.

Where as I’m one of three, I love growing up with siblings, but we are three very different people and we aren’t in touch as adults.

Yep@DustOnTheWind
selfish wanker does also very nicely sum him up...😂

It really fucking irritates me that only children who are selfish or socially awkward etc are assumed to be so because they are only children. There are plenty of people with siblings who have exactly the same traits, so why do we not assume that these negative traits are the result of having siblings?

My dd is 15. She is not in the least selfish and finds it easy to share and compromise etc. She makes friends very quickly and doesn't fall out with them. She is not in the least lonely and has better mental health than most teens I know. She is not like this because she is an only child or in spite of being an only child. She is just an ordinary kid like any other.

My childhood as an only child was great. Adulthood, not so great. A lot of the problems you describe about siblings being NC are from the fact that those families are dysfunctional. Most families are not dysfunctional. In most families adult siblings are at least civil and supportive when needed, even if not close.

@DustOnTheWind

I'm also amused by the idea that all with siblings learned to share nicely. My cousins tended to compromise by mauling each other until one got the better of the other.

Yep, my cousins did the same. They used to physically fight over stuff!

My DS as an only child shares everything. He tried to give me half of his Easter chocolate because he said he felt bad that I didn't have any 😂

I was an only child for 7 years until my sister was born and would have preferred it to remain that way. There was little advice on parenting available then (early 1950s) and my parents made no attempt to include me and help me feel wanted. I can always recall my mothers spiteful remark about my being jealous because I "had my nose pushed out." It was probably true because I acted up pretty badly. However nowadays such behaviour would be recognized as natural for a first child when a second is brought into the home.

My parents probably had the income to provide comfortably for one child but two girls of different ages was stretching the resources too far. It was made quite clear that I was the dis-preferred child and that spoiled my relationship with my sister for many years. In fact it was not until after our parents died that my sister and I grew closer.

Shocked at the people who have never heard negative stereotypes about only children. I have an only child and honestly I can't believe how much people feel they can be so openly critical of me.

I wish I had a sibling for so many reasons. Loneliness in school holidays when P's didn't want other children round nor would they let me go anywhere.
To share the load now that I'm the only person to care for DM & DGM due to DM being only child too. Would be nice to have someone else with an interest.
And family gatherings are so dull when there isn't much family!

I really fucking irritates me that only children who are selfish or socially awkward etc are assumed to be so because they are only children.
Yes definitely. Both of my DC are extremely socially awkward which is strange as I'm not at all.

I know lots of happy only children and some ambivalent ones (including my DH),a couple of people who hated it. I wouldn't say the proportion is any different to people who did or didn't enjoy their childhood who had siblings. I absolutely think it's just as possible/likely to be happy as an only child as with siblings.

I think one of the reasons that it's a difficult conversation to have and always gets a bit fraught (as it has on this thread) is that obviously all parents tend to get a bit defensive of their own decisions and, particularly, their children, but also that people with siblings often aren't approaching the question of whether they wanted them from the same place as someone without. Asking me if I wanted to be an only child is asking whether I'd wish away my brother, a person I love, whereas asking me if I wanted to be one of three (or an only child if they'd have liked a sibling) is asking about a hypothetical. I think that's why some people with siblings find it hard to accept that only children can be totally happy because they're imagining an absence of a person, whereas of course it's not like that at all, just as I never even thought about having another sibling and it certainly didn't feel like they were 'missing'.

I like being an only child. Loved it when I was younger. I honestly don’t understand why there’s such a stigma attached to only having one child.

I went to nursery and had cousins so I was around other children from a young age. I also had lots of friends at school. I’m very happy in my own company but I also have lots of wonderful friends. I’ve never wanted for a sibling.

I know lots of people who have poor relationships with their siblings, including my mum and my DH. Having brothers and sisters is no guarantee of close sibling relationships into adulthood.

@LauristonLane

Yeh, maybe *@GordonYaSelfishTwit*

However, it was more the nature of the selfishness, just things that happen normally in a family, discussion and compromise, turn taking, sharing, waiting, debating, giving because it makes someone else happy.
All of that had completely passed him by!

With siblings this has to happen as a normal part of family life, it can't be all about the 'one'.

discussion and compromise, turn taking, sharing, waiting, debating, giving because it makes someone else happy

All of that is difficult for a selfish person regardless as to whether they have siblings

In most families adult siblings are at least civil and supportive when needed, even if not close

I have friends who give me more than that to be fair.

discussion and compromise, turn taking, sharing, waiting, debating, giving because it makes someone else happy

All of that can be taught to an only. Although I had a lot of undivided attention from my parents I was also told to be quiet and wait my turn. And also to go away because 'Mummy and Daddy are having togetherness' - they just wanted 20min peace and quiet when they got in from work.

discussion and compromise, turn taking, sharing, waiting, debating, giving because it makes someone else happy

It is laughable to suggest that all people with siblings all magically acquire these qualities. There are abundant examples of people with siblings who lack these skills, just as there are many examples of only children who excel in these areas.

Decent parents will teach their children to share, take turns and be considerate towards others. They will help their kids to develop patience and teach them how to discuss and negotiate with others. They will do this whether they have one child or many children. Having siblings is not a prerequisite for learning this stuff, nor does it provide any guarantees of learning it. Parenting and personality are significant here, and not family structure.

Loved being an only. Older parents and very much family unit. Played board games and cards. Went for bike rides. Reading together. I like my own space so perhaps I was more suited to being an only.

I like my own space so perhaps I was more suited to being an only.

Not necessarily. My dd is at the most extroverted end of the spectrum, but she still loves being an only child. She has so many friends that she has never felt the need for siblings.

I think it can work for all personality types, and ultimately, it's the quality of parenting and other family circumstances that determine whether or not a child is happy, not the presence or absence of siblings.

Its nice to hear from only children who don't feel they missed out. DD is an only child, miscarried what would have been her younger sibling at 10 weeks. Now for various reasons she is likely to remain an only child. She often talks about wanting a sibling however as she's had 6 years of undivided attention not sure if the reality would match her expectations! I do feel guilty about it sometimes especially during lockdown. However I also agree that a lot of the stuff she gets now in terms of activities but also time and attention would be diluted if she had a sibling.

I had a brilliant childhood. 2 holidays a year. Nobody to break my stuff. In high school I'd let myself in to a lovely quiet house and watch MTV after school!

I am an only child and had loads of friends growing up. I think I would have enjoyed bath time and sharing bedtime, Christmas, a few things like that. It was also quite a lot of pressure dealing with my parents on my own, as they are pretty odd people! My husband is one of six and found it all too noisy. We have had four children but my that was my choice really, my husband would have opted for two but he let me have the four. All his siblings have had small families. I certainly think there were elements of neglect in his childhood. But I have seen bad and good parenting from parents of an only child, as well as poor and good parenting from parents with lots of children, so I am not convinced it is down to the number of children someone has as to how attentive they are to each child.