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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I register baby with his last name?

165 replies

hgersta · 09/04/2021 21:51

I'm new here so I'm not sure where to put this.

I gave birth a week ago. When I was pregnant me and baby's dad argued a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he blamed me but then he apologised. We then split up in October because we constantly argued although we were still good friends. In January we decided to give it another go and since then we've argued a couple of times but not as much as last year. When I was pregnant I was told not to put his name on the birth certificate or give baby his last name by different family members.

I'm not sure now though as so far he's been a 'good' dad (although it's only been a week so it could change).

What would you do?

OP posts:
HarrietLong · 09/04/2021 21:53

Definitely not. It doesn't sound as though your relationship is stable, and if you split, you will presumably be the primary carer? Give the baby your own last name. This should always be the default position.

CautiousBlonde · 09/04/2021 21:54

He gets parental responsibility with you if you put him on the birth certificate and the baby takes his name.

My kids have my name.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/04/2021 21:55

I wouldnt. We debated it between us and we were (and are) married and I sometimes wish I'd given them my name. Just logistically so much easier. You can always give the baby his surname as a middle name as a compromise

WisestIsShe · 09/04/2021 21:56

If you have any tiny doubt whatsoever I'd recommend giving baby your last name. You are the one person the baby can definitely rely on.

Aprilshowersandhail · 09/04/2021 21:57

Your labour.. Your pain. Your name...

Happycat1212 · 09/04/2021 21:58

I regret putting my kids dad on the bc he is absent now so it’s such a pain him having pr. I also doubled barrelled dds surname with his and even though he is absent I’m not allowed to change it 😒 I’ve never met a woman that has regretted not giving the child their exes name, seen plenty that have though!

Atalantea · 09/04/2021 21:58

@CautiousBlonde

He gets parental responsibility with you if you put him on the birth certificate and the baby takes his name.

My kids have my name.

He can get parental rights by going through the courts.

Is it fair to put father unknown to the child

But definitely your last name not his

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/04/2021 21:58

A baby should always take its mother’s last name. If that’s the same as its father then fine otherwise just the mum’s.

There is no possible reason you should use his surname. You’ve already split up once. A week is no time at all.

And why wouldn’t you use your name? Please use your name.

SarahAndQuack · 09/04/2021 21:59

No, I wouldn't. If the relationship does work out, and you get married, you'd have to update it all anyway - it's not a big deal. If he's a decent bloke trying his best, he will recognise that.

Happycat1212 · 09/04/2021 21:59

Atalantea

What makes you think he will go to court? They don’t all bother. My ex never has, why should she put him on just in case? Hmm

NeedsImprovement01 · 09/04/2021 22:00

The name has nothing to do with parental responsibility, that is given by putting him as father on the birth certificate.

Give the baby your name.

Lou98 · 09/04/2021 22:00

Definitely register him with your surname. However, I do think you should put him on the birth certificate, it takes two to make a baby and don't think it's fair to leave him off it, but definitely with your name

Myglueattack · 09/04/2021 22:07

Don't do it!!!!

Travis1 · 09/04/2021 22:10

Definitely register him with your name

Workinghardeveryday · 09/04/2021 22:11

Fuck no. Your name!!!!!

Wannakisstheteacher · 09/04/2021 22:12

The name is one thing - but not putting him on the birth certificate!? The bc is a statement of fact, your child deserves to have both parents on their birth certificate.

Tibtab · 09/04/2021 22:14

You can always change it to his in the future if you stay together but if you split up he might not let you change it back to yours

Nat6999 · 09/04/2021 22:15

Give him your name & seriously think if you want a father's name on BC. You can always add his name later but can't take it off.

JollyAndBright · 09/04/2021 22:16

Why would you want a child who you will presumably be the primary carer for to have a different last name to you?

Even when parents are a couple if they are not married or planning to marry the child should always take the mothers name as she will almost always be the primary carer.

Atalantea · 09/04/2021 22:16

@Happycat1212

Atalantea

What makes you think he will go to court? They don’t all bother. My ex never has, why should she put him on just in case? Hmm

He can though thats the point

It's not fair on the child not to have the fathers name on it, the child deserves to know who their father is

ChiefBabySniffer · 09/04/2021 22:17

If you put him on the birth certificate you give him parental rights. So if he takes the baby and refuses to give him back you will have to apply to court to get him home. He can apply for a passport, prevent you travelling and cause all maker of inconvenience .

I would not put him the birth certificate, and I would give the baby my surname. He can be added at a later date should he prove to be a good dad or he can apply to the court to get Parental responsibility.

A week is no time at all.

Happycat1212 · 09/04/2021 22:18

Atalantea child can know that without them being on the bc

JollyAndBright · 09/04/2021 22:18

To add,
DP and I have been together for 16 years, our DS is 14, he has my surname, I have never once regretted that decision.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 09/04/2021 22:19

Ywbu not to put him on the birth certificate. He's the father and deserves parental recognition. Whether you stay in a relationship is irrelevant.

Who's surname the baby has is up to you. Personally I'd keep it as yours for now.

titchy · 09/04/2021 22:19

Is it fair to put father unknown to the child

It won't say 'father unknown' - it'll just be blank. Hmm

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