Should I register baby with his last name?

[hgersta]

I'm new here so I'm not sure where to put this.

I gave birth a week ago. When I was pregnant me and baby's dad argued a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he blamed me but then he apologised. We then split up in October because we constantly argued although we were still good friends. In January we decided to give it another go and since then we've argued a couple of times but not as much as last year. When I was pregnant I was told not to put his name on the birth certificate or give baby his last name by different family members.

I'm not sure now though as so far he's been a 'good' dad (although it's only been a week so it could change).

What would you do?

The birth certificate is your childs. Not yours. If you know the dad who the dad is he needs to be on there. I know people will comment saying no he doesn't and it's your choice but I find that selfish. It's your daughters official document of her birth, it's not yours.

@FireflyRainbow

The birth certificate is your childs. Not yours. If you know the dad who the dad is he needs to be on there. I know people will comment saying no he doesn't and it's your choice but I find that selfish. It's your daughters official document of her birth, it's not yours.

Why, though?

Birth certificates have never been about identifying biological paternity. I don't follow why you think the OP has to break with tradition?

Your name and can you even name the father if he is not present and you are not married? Now that it is being done remotely has that changed?

Do what you want with the name, personally my 2 have their dad's surname and were not married yet.
However he should be on the birth certificate, baby deserves to know who their dad is regardless if you're with him or not. You can't not decide he's not going on it just because you argued a lot.

@Atalantea I mean, what does it mean in terms of rights etc? Anything or nothing, both names are on, mine is first

Why would you use his name? Is he trying to make you?

No no no no no!!

Your name.

He could be a distant memory in a year. And you’ll be left having a different family name to the child you’re raising.

Your surname. Every single time.

And being on the birth certificate is about a lot more than ‘recognition’. It gives him legal rights over your child. You never know how things are going to pan out, so no - don’t hand on a plate to this man the right to disagree that you should be able to move, to send your child to X school - everything.

Like others have said - if things work out - fine - you can add names, you can change surnames. But you can’t take him off the birth cert if he turns out to be a nightmare.

Absolutely don’t put his surname on the birth certificate as others have already said. I guarantee within 10 years he will be history.

My ex left when I was pregnant. Instant decision to give my DS my surname even though he is present. Absolutely the right choice

He is on the BC though. That BC is my DSs and it is right that both parents details are on

Definitely your name and I’d think VERY carefully about putting him on the BC at all.

When dd1 was born my mum came at me with the ‘dd needs him to be on it’ argument so I went with it and I’ve regretted it ever since. This man has been absent for the last 6 years of her life, no contact, no money, no nothing and could snap his fingers at any second and demand to see her and I’d have to agree. He stops me having the freedom to live my life completely independently of him whilst he is able to live completely independently of me with no repercussions.

I know his name, I’m in contact with some of his family, we could find each other if needs be and, more importantly, dd could find him if she wanted. Being on the BC has no baring on whether the child knows their dad or not, the parents do and if he wants to be involved then he should prove it rather than be given the power to stop you raising your child as you see fit at the drop of a hat!

@Cherrytree1621

Mine do too and now I’m freaking out after reading this thread as we have actually split up.

I wouldn't, it doesn't sound like a very stable relationship. If you split up, would you be happy with your kids having a different surname to yours.

Give baby your surname. Go alone to register. He can take it through court to be put on the birth certificate for parental responsibility if he's so bothered. I made this mistake and I've bitterly regretted it for nine years.

@SarahAndQuack That is not how birth certificates are set up to work.

Erm. Yes that's exactly how they're set up to work!! To CERTIFY who the child''s biological parents are

@Putthebiglighton

We did the birth certificate signing etc together..I don’t see how I could’ve justified to him that it would be just my name and not his 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why couldn't you have justified it? Plenty of people have only one surname.

Traditionally babies take the mother's surname.
There has been a recent trend of babies having the father's surname and in many cases he fucks off never to be seen and you're left with a kid with his name.

To those saying why would you not put him on the birth certificate - that is a pretty naive question and a decision that many women have regretted.
My niece's father's name is not on the birth certificate, it has caused no issues at all.

Why the hell would you give your child this fools name? What exactly has he contributed aside from his spunk! Fuck. All.

Women too easily believe that if they give the baby the dads name then it will somehow mean he will morph into some dad/partner of the year and be with you through thick and thin. I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark that this happens in fewer than 25% of the cases (figures based on nothing at all but casual observation).

Why give him any credit when you're the one who has grown, birthed and cared for this human?

@OddshoesOddsocks

Definitely your name and I’d think VERY carefully about putting him on the BC at all.

When dd1 was born my mum came at me with the ‘dd needs him to be on it’ argument so I went with it and I’ve regretted it ever since. This man has been absent for the last 6 years of her life, no contact, no money, no nothing and could snap his fingers at any second and demand to see her and I’d have to agree. He stops me having the freedom to live my life completely independently of him whilst he is able to live completely independently of me with no repercussions.

I know his name, I’m in contact with some of his family, we could find each other if needs be and, more importantly, dd could find him if she wanted. Being on the BC has no baring on whether the child knows their dad or not, the parents do and if he wants to be involved then he should prove it rather than be given the power to stop you raising your child as you see fit at the drop of a hat!

Sorry you received bad advice @OddshoesOddsocks. We were really shocked when my parents advised my sister not to put the father's name on my niece's birth certificate but it has worked out for the best.

The father's name doesn't need to be on a birth certificate to know it's their father, you can just tell them.

How many kids have even seen their birth certificate by the time they leave primary school? Doesn't mean they don't know who their father is.
My niece knows who her father is, he plays a part in her upbringing but doesn't have a casting vote or a way to make my sister's life difficult.

[quote MNWorldisCrazy]**@SarahAndQuack* That is not how birth certificates are set up to work.*

Erm. Yes that's exactly how they're set up to work!! To CERTIFY who the child''s biological parents are [/quote]
No, they don't.

This is a common misconception.

In fact, birth certificates by default assume that a married woman's husband is her child's father. Often, women who are acting as surrogates have to navigate this issue.

It is also perfectly legitimate to register two parents who cannot possibly, biologically, both be parents to a child. For example, if a lesbian couple decide to have a baby, the birth certificate will state that the mother is the woman who gave birth, and her female partner will be registered as the other parent.

No one imagines that all children born to married women are the biological offspring of those women's husbands (especially in the case where a married woman is a surrogate for another family!), and no one thinks that two women can be biological parents to the same baby. But birth certificates are designed to record both of those situations.

There is really no reason they can't cope with a much simpler situation where the OP just leaves a section blank!

I wouldn’t. He has proven himself an unreliable boyfriend, and I suspect he’d be an even more unreliable father.

@StrawBeretMoose I honestly never knew that most babies take their mother’s surname. I think he would’ve wondered why it has to be my name and not his 🤷🏻‍♀️We’re together and we’re signing it together etc

@StrawBeretMoose I’ve put mine first at least..but felt weird about that too. I guess with both our names it’s completely 50/50, not sure how these things work

Give the baby your surname. Just so you know if you put his name on the birth certificate he will automatically have parental responsibility and rights.

In your situation I wouldn't. But it's just a name. My kids have their father's name but it doesn't make any difference to how I parent them. I keep reading horror stories about going on holiday with passports in different names but it's never been an issue. And that's the only complication I can think of.

@Uniquerandomer

Give the baby your surname. Just so you know if you put his name on the birth certificate he will automatically have parental responsibility and rights.

But he's the father of the baby, whether he's with the OP or not is sort of irrelevant. Sounds like a volatile relationship. But maybe he wants to parent his baby?

@YoniAndGuy

No no no no no!!

Your name.

He could be a distant memory in a year. And you’ll be left having a different family name to the child you’re raising.

Your surname. Every single time.

And being on the birth certificate is about a lot more than ‘recognition’. It gives him legal rights over your child. You never know how things are going to pan out, so no - don’t hand on a plate to this man the right to disagree that you should be able to move, to send your child to X school - everything.

Like others have said - if things work out - fine - you can add names, you can change surnames. But you can’t take him off the birth cert if he turns out to be a nightmare.

Well it gives him legal rights over his own child. This whole thread seems to be how to screw you child's father out of any relationship with them. And I've not seen why.