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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I register baby with his last name?

165 replies

hgersta · 09/04/2021 21:51

I'm new here so I'm not sure where to put this.

I gave birth a week ago. When I was pregnant me and baby's dad argued a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he blamed me but then he apologised. We then split up in October because we constantly argued although we were still good friends. In January we decided to give it another go and since then we've argued a couple of times but not as much as last year. When I was pregnant I was told not to put his name on the birth certificate or give baby his last name by different family members.

I'm not sure now though as so far he's been a 'good' dad (although it's only been a week so it could change).

What would you do?

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 03/05/2021 00:05

I'd never give a baby their dad's surname especially if he was a prick

Conkergame · 03/05/2021 00:27

OP why would you even consider giving the baby your on-off partner’s surname? He could easily be gone tomorrow and you never see or hear from him again. Your name without a doubt.

As for the birth certificate, I’d advise going alone to the appointment and not including him on it. Ignore posters saying “the child deserves to know who their dad is” - the child will find out far more easily when you tell them who he is! I’m 32 and I’ve never seen my birth certificate but I know who my father is. Also, you could actually put any name you like down! Many a woman has had an affair but still put their husband down as the father - doesn’t mean he actually is biologically related to the child!

Do yourself a favour and avoid giving him parental rights until he proves (over years, not weeks!) that he deserves them. Otherwise he could make your and DC’s life hell if he chose to. You are the one constant person in DC’s life so you are the one person who should be on the certificate.

QueenBee52 · 05/10/2021 02:33

Why the FUCK would you even consider giving your child a different Surname to yours...

Seriously ... wake the hell up..

HoppingPavlova · 05/10/2021 02:48

Hell would freeze over for me first.

HappyDays40 · 05/10/2021 02:49

Information above about the baby having his last name if he is on the birth certificate is not true.

Yiu can give him any last name he can still go on the birth certificate

ispepsiokay · 05/10/2021 02:52

@Dannibear7 if he's not on the birth certificate at all, he has no parental right and would not be able to keep your baby from you. Register the baby without him and get away from him

Nancydrawn · 05/10/2021 03:09

Zombie thread.

JMKid · 05/10/2021 03:41

Give the baby your name. So glad DS has my name as makes it all so easier when travelling, school, etc.

Lachimolala · 05/10/2021 04:46

Biggest regret I have from my past is being bullied into putting him on the birth certificate and giving him his surname.

I’ve since double barrelled it but if I could turn back time I’d not put him on there and I’d give him my name.

He is a useless, feckless, abusive non maintenance paying arsehole who dipped in and out for years before disappearing. I wish I could turn back time.

Weegiewtf · 05/10/2021 04:56

Give the baby your own name.

I’m still with my partner decades later but wish I’d used my name instead of his for my kids. They do have it as a middle name but I think I’d have preferred mine as their actual surname in hindsight.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2021 05:26

@Dannibear7

About to register baby and really want my surname in as not married but my partner has said more or less he will make my life hell if I don’t sign her birth certificate with his name as a surname 🤬🤬 he is the type that would aswell.
Do you have anyone to help you? Friends? Parents?

Please ask for help from them or the police to get away. This man is controlling you, which is illegal. Do not add him or his name to the birth certificate.

Balonzette · 05/10/2021 05:29

Um no definitely don't give baby his last name.

Naunet · 05/10/2021 07:25

@Dannibear7

Yeah I feel exactly the same but honestly he would make my life hell if I didn’t let him, I’ve asked for double barrel and he has said no to that aswell. We do all the hard work I think it should be law if unmarried the baby gets mother’s surname and I don’t know why there isn’t a law brought out for it to save so many arguments. I hate the thought of not having same surname as the baby but would also like to know if baby has his surname does he have more rights? He’s so bloody controlling!
Don’t fucking ask him! Tradition is, the baby gets your name, he has no right to demand you give the baby his name. Tell him to fuck off and learn some respect if he wants to be in your life for a second longer.
Naunet · 05/10/2021 07:28

@Dannibear7

Hi everyone thanks for reply's. Well I feel I am with him because of the baby now because he's already threatened to take her 50% she's a newborn and I'd be devastated if he did that but he would try to so I stay with him for my baby even though he's so controlling. All he says it's tradition to have his name and not mine but honestly if I didn't sign with his name as surname he would make my life awful for me so don't think it's worth it
Well he’s a thick fuck who doesn’t understand tradition. It’s not, tradition is the baby has the same name as the mother. Tell him to Google it.
meditrina · 05/10/2021 07:51

Well he’s a thick fuck who doesn’t understand tradition. It’s not, tradition is the baby has the same name as the mother

Agree!

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