Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I register baby with his last name?

165 replies

hgersta · 09/04/2021 21:51

I'm new here so I'm not sure where to put this.

I gave birth a week ago. When I was pregnant me and baby's dad argued a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he blamed me but then he apologised. We then split up in October because we constantly argued although we were still good friends. In January we decided to give it another go and since then we've argued a couple of times but not as much as last year. When I was pregnant I was told not to put his name on the birth certificate or give baby his last name by different family members.

I'm not sure now though as so far he's been a 'good' dad (although it's only been a week so it could change).

What would you do?

OP posts:
KoalaOok · 09/04/2021 22:20

But he is the parent and OP decided to have a baby with him so why shouldn't he have parental responsibility? Unless he has been abusive then I don't see why you'd leave him off the certificate.

Twizbe · 09/04/2021 22:20

Babies should always have mum's surname. Sometimes that is the same as dads, sometimes it isn't.

Also know that he has to turn up to the registration appointment if he wants to be on the birth certificate.

Tbh it sounds like this is not a good relationship for either of you.

KoalaOok · 09/04/2021 22:21

I'd use your name though if that's what you want. You are the one who carried the baby so I think you should get the say on the name.

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 09/04/2021 22:22

Stick with tradition and give the baby your name.

Babies only ever took the father’s name if the mother and father were married.

Ponoka7 · 09/04/2021 22:24

What are you arguing about? What caused the split? Is he spiteful, can you trust the decisions he would make in regards to whose around your baby? Putting him on the BC gives him power. That power is dangerous in some people's hands.

Putthebiglighton · 09/04/2021 22:27

I’m quite surprised at reading these comments, I assumed the majority of people put the fathers name as the child’s surname! I wish I’d known this..my Dd has my surname first then dps..what will this mean in the event of a split?

Putthebiglighton · 09/04/2021 22:27

We did the birth certificate signing etc together..I don’t see how I could’ve justified to him that it would be just my name and not his 🤷🏻‍♀️

wishywashywoowoo70 · 09/04/2021 22:28

Definitely use your name.
If you give your baby his name and you separate it can be a pain.

My DD has my name.

I don't need a letter from her mostly useless father to take her on holiday. She is registered with the Dr & school in my name.

You'll be the main care giver why would you choose his name?

Hazelnutlatteplease · 09/04/2021 22:28

Your name.

If he will go to court to get his name of the birth certificate put it on. If he wont definitely dont.

You cant put it on without him there anyway

Putthebiglighton · 09/04/2021 22:30

@wishywashywoowoo70 I’ve put my surname then dps, so she has both (live abroad so mainly this was to do with being able to travel back to the U.K. without providing a letter etc) do you know if this is the best way, does it give me more rights?

Op, if he’s not in the picture really, I’d def just put your surname

laidbacklife · 09/04/2021 22:31

Put him on the birth certificate but definitely do not give the baby his surname. Even if you were a long term couple I’d still say that the baby should take your surname.

Hydrate · 09/04/2021 22:32

Your name.

Happycat1212 · 09/04/2021 22:35

Putthebiglighton yeh if you’re together, why would you if you had broken up? What if he disappeared never to be seen again like my ex 😒

Original poster
hgersta · 09/04/2021 22:36

@Ponoka7

What are you arguing about? What caused the split? Is he spiteful, can you trust the decisions he would make in regards to whose around your baby? Putting him on the BC gives him power. That power is dangerous in some people's hands.
We argue over little things. Last year we argued a lot as my friend thought he was cheating but he always denied it, and he still denied it after we split up. I do believe that he isn't now as now I know his phone password etc. We also talked and decided to split up but we were still going to be friends
OP posts:
CupoTeap · 09/04/2021 22:37

Your name and not on the birth certificate

IpreferInchyraBlue · 09/04/2021 22:38

@Wannakisstheteacher

The name is one thing - but not putting him on the birth certificate!? The bc is a statement of fact, your child deserves to have both parents on their birth certificate.
This. 100%. Of course give him your name but he has every right to know who fathered him. It is a historical document.
Pupster21 · 09/04/2021 22:39

Your name.

titchy · 09/04/2021 22:39

He'd have to register the baby with her if he was to be named on birth certificate. And might kick off about the surname if he was there.

Sounds like the relationship isn't going to last anyway, so go register the birth by yourself, and give baby your surname. He can be added as the father at a later date if he wishes it.

DROPDTUNING · 09/04/2021 22:40

Your name. 100 percent.

You can't put him on the birth certificate unless he comes to the appointment with his ID anyway (assuming you're not married). And he probably won't bother doing that..so just don't mention it to him.

Realistically he is not going to be a good father who sticks around.

SarahAndQuack · 09/04/2021 22:45

All this 'it's a historical document' is a bit silly.

There is no reason - historical or otherwise - to put his name on the birth certificate if you do not wish to do so.

You can acknowledge paternity in other ways.

My DD does not have her biological father on the birth certificate; this is not uncommon, and it certainly doesn't mean she doesn't know who her biological father is. Birth certificates have never been intended as registers of biological kinship.

Atalantea · 09/04/2021 22:48

@Putthebiglighton

I’m quite surprised at reading these comments, I assumed the majority of people put the fathers name as the child’s surname! I wish I’d known this..my Dd has my surname first then dps..what will this mean in the event of a split?
What do you think it means??

Your child's name is unlikely to change if you split???

FireflyRainbow · 09/04/2021 22:51

As you know he is the dad he should go on the birth certificate. Obviously. Surname is your choice. Why not double barrell it.

SarahAndQuack · 09/04/2021 22:52

@FireflyRainbow

As you know he is the dad he should go on the birth certificate. Obviously. Surname is your choice. Why not double barrell it.
Why? Confused

That is not how birth certificates are set up to work.

Trixie78 · 09/04/2021 22:53

Don't do it, you'll regret it if you do.

BreatheAndFocus · 09/04/2021 22:55

Do not give baby his name! I very much regret not giving my DC my name. I can’t change it now because b*** ex would never agree.

Give baby your name. X

Swipe left for the next trending thread