Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I register baby with his last name?

165 replies

hgersta · 09/04/2021 21:51

I'm new here so I'm not sure where to put this.

I gave birth a week ago. When I was pregnant me and baby's dad argued a lot. When we found out I was pregnant he blamed me but then he apologised. We then split up in October because we constantly argued although we were still good friends. In January we decided to give it another go and since then we've argued a couple of times but not as much as last year. When I was pregnant I was told not to put his name on the birth certificate or give baby his last name by different family members.

I'm not sure now though as so far he's been a 'good' dad (although it's only been a week so it could change).

What would you do?

OP posts:
KoalaOok · 10/04/2021 07:58

Coz if so I'd maybe keep quiet and go and register the baby by yourself

MazekeenSmith · 10/04/2021 08:04

[quote Putthebiglighton]@Atalantea I mean, what does it mean in terms of rights etc? Anything or nothing, both names are on, mine is first[/quote]
Surnames mean nothing in relation to parental responsibility or rights

MazekeenSmith · 10/04/2021 08:05

@KoalaOok

Is he allowed to go and register the baby and leave the mum off?
As they are not married no
Hombadigada · 10/04/2021 08:14

Both my children are double barrelled. I would at least do this, or just do your surname. Absolutely don't give just dad's surname.

BusyLizzie61 · 10/04/2021 09:11

@KoalaOok

Is he allowed to go and register the baby and leave the mum off?
Not unless married.
BusyLizzie61 · 10/04/2021 09:15

@MazekeenSmith
Surnames mean nothing in relation to parental responsibility or rights

No, however, different surnames has resulted in lone parents, namely women, having to prove their motherhood and right to travel in airports worldwide.
There's also the reality of attending appointments for the child and the never having the same name as your child if your the primary caregiver, as women predominantly are for 90% of lone parents.

MazekeenSmith · 10/04/2021 09:17

[quote BusyLizzie61]@MazekeenSmith
Surnames mean nothing in relation to parental responsibility or rights

No, however, different surnames has resulted in lone parents, namely women, having to prove their motherhood and right to travel in airports worldwide.
There's also the reality of attending appointments for the child and the never having the same name as your child if your the primary caregiver, as women predominantly are for 90% of lone parents.[/quote]
I am in exactly this position and it doesn't impact me at all. I definitely advocate women giving children their names rather than the father in many circumstances (even though I didn't) but let's not pretend it's a big deal to have a different surname to your kids. It isn't.

4amWitchingHour · 10/04/2021 09:28

All these people saying "put his name on the birth certificate, your child deserves to know who their father is" - as a PP rightly said, birth certificate is NOT a record of biological paternity. I'm donor conceived, and my Dad (the man who brought me up) is named as my father on my BC. I don't know who my biological father (sperm donor) is.

Personally I wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate, and definitely definitely your surname not his.

WaterBottle123 · 10/04/2021 09:38

Why are you thinking of using his last name OP? You're not together, he's not a good dad and it's not 1955.

Your name, always your name.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 10/04/2021 10:06

waterbottle has it spot on!

Cherrytree1621 · 10/04/2021 22:30

@User33445

Sorry to hear you have split up. Though I don't think it would bother me if I split from my dp they are his kids and would have rights to see them etc.

Tallybo · 10/04/2021 22:38

I'd use your own surname, but put him on the BC.

HTH1 · 10/04/2021 22:43

I wouldn’t use his name or put him on the birth certificate. That will only come back to bite you.

jcyclops · 11/04/2021 00:40

The link below gives the actual rules for registering a birth. The statutory declaration form can be downloaded from that page. If that form is completed then the mother can go alone to register the birth AND put the father's details on the birth certificate. Note that the declaration does not have the child's name on it, so once equipped with the form the mother can give the child whatever name she wants.

Extract from www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth

Unmarried parents

The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:
a) they sign the birth register together
b) one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth
c) one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (for example, a court order) giving the father parental responsibility

The mother can choose to register the birth without the child’s father if they’re not married or in a civil partnership. The father’s details will not be included on the birth certificate.

It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.

Dannibear7 · 02/05/2021 11:31

About to register baby and really want my surname in as not married but my partner has said more or less he will make my life hell if I don’t sign her birth certificate with his name as a surname 🤬🤬 he is the type that would aswell.

windisblowing · 02/05/2021 11:33

Definitely not

Aprilshowersandhail · 02/05/2021 11:39

My ds has just my name on his bc... It isn't shameful. It doesn't say Bastard Child in the space.
He has never met him as he wasn't interested.. Imagine if I had to try and find him whenever I needed a decision OK-ed because he had PR..
I can't imagine all the stress some women have dealing with a bastard ex who has power over them and a baby they don't really care about...
Most don't grasp what parental responsibility actually entails....

DifficultBloodyWoman · 02/05/2021 11:55

@Dannibear7

About to register baby and really want my surname in as not married but my partner has said more or less he will make my life hell if I don’t sign her birth certificate with his name as a surname 🤬🤬 he is the type that would aswell.
With that attitude, he is going to make your life hell anyway.

So why add to your troubles by giving the child his surname now? At the very least, go double barreled.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 02/05/2021 11:59

My kids have my surname. And I'm so glad that they do.
My theory was, I gave birth they get my name.
Plus their dad is rubbish.he spent years abusing me emotionally and mentally, and even physically a couple of times. Now he's out of my life and me and the kids are much better off.

nzborn · 02/05/2021 12:31

No

DinosaurDiana · 02/05/2021 12:35

No, don’t do it.
You could give baby dad’s surname as an extra middle name if you want to include him.
If you give baby dad’s surname you will not be able to change that.
If you give baby your surname you are able to change that in the future.
Keep the power in your hands.

Lorw · 02/05/2021 12:42

DONT DO IT OP. Give baby your name. ♥️

Wonderingwhatwhere · 02/05/2021 12:47

Your name.
We registered our baby with both names, and we’d agreed to marry. We did marry, and doubled our names .
It was still odd having a baby with a double barrelled surname for a year, before it was my name too, and his.
It would drive me insane if my child didn’t have my surname at all.

maddening · 02/05/2021 13:09

Put your name there, you are the one that has fought for your baby, it should be your name there.

Dannibear7 · 02/05/2021 13:50

Yeah I feel exactly the same but honestly he would make my life hell if I didn’t let him, I’ve asked for double barrel and he has said no to that aswell.
We do all the hard work I think it should be law if unmarried the baby gets mother’s surname and I don’t know why there isn’t a law brought out for it to save so many arguments. I hate the thought of not having same surname as the baby but would also like to know if baby has his surname does he have more rights? He’s so bloody controlling!

Swipe left for the next trending thread