Just buy a bloody child lock and take some responsibility for your own child!

[takeresponsibilityforyourchild]

Probably being massively U here, and I am fully expecting to be flamed.
So I don’t drip feed- we moved into our house around 18 months ago and at first we said hello etc to our neighbours two doors down with little to no response.
We have had two interactions with them since.
First was neighbours two large Labrador type dogs running up my drive barking and jumping up at my mum. Neighbour found this funny, understandably my mother didn’t.
The second time was during the first lockdown they were drinking at the end of my drive with another neighbour until 3am. Twice my husband very politely asked them to keep the noise down to be met with a torrent of abuse. They left broken glass and a spilt drink which stained the drive, our other neighbours cleared this up. Since then they have completely blanked us.
So already I do not like these people, which may be clouding my judgment.
We live on a new-ish estate with speed bumps.
I was going EXACTLY 15mph down the road and pulled up at my drive with my two year old in the back. As I got out the car neighbour said when you pull up on your drive can you go slower because my child (who is a similar age to mine) can open the door.
I said no, I won’t.
To which she started to raise her voice, I didn’t do this as I had my child with me. I asked her if she had a child lock on her front door and suggested that if she doesn’t she should get one to prevent her child from getting out. By now the woman is ranting and raving at me in the middle of the street. I can be quite firey when provoked and only kept my cool because of my child.
Couple of points as to why I won’t change the perfectly acceptable way I drive.
I was going 15mph, way below the legal speed limit and reasonable for a residential street. If she’s that bothered she can write to her local councillor and ask for them to change the speed limit.
They have been nothing but rude to my family since we moved in, why should I do anything for them?
Every time I pull up they’re sat at the window looking out, instead of sitting at the window all day concerning themselves with what others are doing, maybe they should pay more attention to their child who can apparently get out.
I have taken safety precautions to prevent my child coming to harm including safety locks, a chain on the door and baby gates around the house, why can't they do this?
She made a request that I slow down, I declined, I believe I am perfectly reasonable driving onto my property at 15mph. Neighbour seems to think that this was a command and I should bow down.
Why do they think it’s my responsibility to make sure their child is safe instead of them?!

I suspect she’s on here (hi neighbour) as she has a child around the same age as mine, and this is massively outing, so name change and all that.

Also I can provide diagrams of drives if necessary!

Lola this thread has made me laugh. The vitriol and hyperbole directed at the OP for driving at a safe speed and being aware of her surroundings in well laughable.

What lovely neighbors. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, OP, they seem to be counting on you to keep their household alive by not hitting their dogs or their child, none of which they can control? While YADNBU to tell her no, unfortunately, I doubt she will change, and you will probably find yourself being slightly more paranoid when driving on your street that her toddler might have gotten out, now that you know she’s not doing anything about it. But yes, of course it’s ridiculous that she wants a style of driving (and yours sounds already cautious) to fill in for her lack of parenting.

IF there was no previous history between you and she had not been abusive in her language, I might say she’s just lockdown-struggling or has a toddler that mastered door locks or... but prior incidents of your neighbors being absolute arse clowns swing the balance against her.

LastRoloIsMine
It's hilarious and worrying at the same time.
Surely there can't be that many people who think supervising your child and taking safety measures is an unreasonable expectation for a parent.

I'd suggest you learn to pick your battles here. You started an unnecessary conflict when you could have said "fine, sure" and put it out of your mind. You objective should be have as little to do with these people as they have show themselves to be disrespectful, anti-social and irresponsible. Take every opportunity to de-escalate and end any interaction as quickly as possible.

Surely there can't bethat manypeople who think supervising your child and taking safety measures is an unreasonable expectation for a parent.

I think they expect others to do that. I mean how nasty of the OP to not take full responsibility of the neighbours child at all times. Clearly the OP hates children and wishes them dead....

I cant believe so many people think a woman should get to change the speed limit of a road because she can't keep her kid from opening the front door and wandering onto the road. What do all these people who live on 40 or 60 mph roads do? 15mph is insanely slow.

Crikey, how long is your drive? If you're going slower than 15mph, you'd easily stop when you saw a toddler coming towards you?

@Condenast

Well this situation is never going to get better with your attitude is it? Let’s just spend the rest of our lives hating the people we live close to Or, maybe try and be nice, be the better person

Yes bend over OP. #bekind 🤢. Let people who have been competent dicks to you walk all over you and make riding demands. This thread is hilarious. Cant imagine being the type of person to constantly try and appease everyone around me no matter how much of an arsehole they are to me and my family.

Not Competent, complete
Not riding, ridiculous

The OP has done nothing wrong it's her neighbours fault totally! Even if the OP does slow down ( which I'm not fir one minute saying you need to) what about all the other vehicles on the estate eg postman, gas man , Amazon drivers should they all go really slow because someone can be responsible enough to get proper locks on their doors to keep their children in??!! Totally neighbours fault it responsible parenting

Can't be responsible it should say

Irresponsible parenting ( can't type today 🤣)

YANBU they sound rough as can be.

Good for you standing up to these people.

My concern here would be for the child not the spat with your neighbour. Is there a real risk they could get out? If there is then I feel this needs reporting.

This thread is fucking bonkers.

OP is vile,mean,callous bla bla bla because she won't think of the children!
How about the mother actually keeps her toddler in? Revolutionary idea, I know!

Even if OP did slow down, the risk is still there from other residents,visitors, trades people,posties, etc. unless OP is the only driver on that street.

The neighbour didn't solve anything by asking OP to slow down, even if OP did agree to do it.

But sure, let's all focus on drag racing OP that's chomping at the bit to get a toddler knocked down.

Hmm. Something's made her think, "gosh, OP's going a bit fast on to the drive." Otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up.
New build doors are like that for fire safety. Don't be putting complicated locks on them if you can help it.
If you'd have liked her, OP, would you have reacted differently? (You made a point that you don't)

Hmm. Something's made her think, "gosh, OP's going a bit fast on to the drive." Otherwise she wouldn't have brought it up.
Yeah, the thing that's made her comment is the realisation that, shock horror, there are cars on the road that she doesn't take measures to prevent her child running out into.

@LolaSmiles Yeah possibly.

I've had batshit moments, though, of catastrophising perfectly normal scenarios when it comes to the kids. Then you look back at yourself and cringe at how silly you must have sounded to other people.

@ClarkeGriffin

You’re not gonna change the nature of a neglectful idiot like the neighbour though and it isn’t the child fault.

I’d be driving slowly down the whole street knowing child isn’t being watched, annoying though it is.

[quote FrozenVag]@ClarkeGriffin

You’re not gonna change the nature of a neglectful idiot like the neighbour though and it isn’t the child fault.

I’d be driving slowly down the whole street knowing child isn’t being watched, annoying though it is.[/quote]
No you're not, you're right. The kid is screwed which is a shame. Only hope they have is being able to sort themselves out when older.

But if you're a dangerous driver at 15mph and don't think you could stop immediately at a danger, like a child running out, you shouldn't be driving. 15mph is a good speed to be going down that road, it's slower than most people drive in estates. Bet the mother complaining doesn't or wouldn't do 15.

The neighbour is obviously wrong but many new build estates have no pavements so even those who have consciously gone out with let’s say a primary age kid with road sense who can’t be carried might be marginally on the road because it’s the only way to get out the estate. Slow down a little bit nearing the house. But yes the neighbour is an arse more generally

[quote FrozenVag]@ClarkeGriffin

You’re not gonna change the nature of a neglectful idiot like the neighbour though and it isn’t the child fault.

I’d be driving slowly down the whole street knowing child isn’t being watched, annoying though it is.[/quote]
What about all the other drivers on the road?

OP, you’re fine. Your neighbour is bonkers and a shit parent and an absolute arse to boot. I am sure you are a safe driver and aware of your surroundings, and also that you don’t feel like taking orders from your rude and selfish neighbour. Because people like that never stop, if you say “yes, fine, I’ll be more careful in future” they will come at you again and again with further stupid demands.

It sounds as though you responded to this neighbour because of their previous & ongoing behaviour.

But you have to carry on living next to them and, as others have said, your response has made a bad situation worse. Would you have replied in the same vein to neighbours who had given you no trouble in the past?
And suppose, just suppose, their child did get onto the drive just as you were turning in, ever so slightly too fast. Would you feel better then?

I don't think "when you pull onto your drive, can you go a bit slower?" is a stupid demand.

I agree with posters pointing out that you inflamed the situation Op. You've taken a dislike to her and are still angry that she got drunk outside last year.

My advice? Pick your battles. Have as little to do with neighbour as possible and don't invite confrontation. If she's a couple of doors down from you, that should be easy to do.
Don't stew