Just buy a bloody child lock and take some responsibility for your own child!

[takeresponsibilityforyourchild]

Probably being massively U here, and I am fully expecting to be flamed.
So I don’t drip feed- we moved into our house around 18 months ago and at first we said hello etc to our neighbours two doors down with little to no response.
We have had two interactions with them since.
First was neighbours two large Labrador type dogs running up my drive barking and jumping up at my mum. Neighbour found this funny, understandably my mother didn’t.
The second time was during the first lockdown they were drinking at the end of my drive with another neighbour until 3am. Twice my husband very politely asked them to keep the noise down to be met with a torrent of abuse. They left broken glass and a spilt drink which stained the drive, our other neighbours cleared this up. Since then they have completely blanked us.
So already I do not like these people, which may be clouding my judgment.
We live on a new-ish estate with speed bumps.
I was going EXACTLY 15mph down the road and pulled up at my drive with my two year old in the back. As I got out the car neighbour said when you pull up on your drive can you go slower because my child (who is a similar age to mine) can open the door.
I said no, I won’t.
To which she started to raise her voice, I didn’t do this as I had my child with me. I asked her if she had a child lock on her front door and suggested that if she doesn’t she should get one to prevent her child from getting out. By now the woman is ranting and raving at me in the middle of the street. I can be quite firey when provoked and only kept my cool because of my child.
Couple of points as to why I won’t change the perfectly acceptable way I drive.
I was going 15mph, way below the legal speed limit and reasonable for a residential street. If she’s that bothered she can write to her local councillor and ask for them to change the speed limit.
They have been nothing but rude to my family since we moved in, why should I do anything for them?
Every time I pull up they’re sat at the window looking out, instead of sitting at the window all day concerning themselves with what others are doing, maybe they should pay more attention to their child who can apparently get out.
I have taken safety precautions to prevent my child coming to harm including safety locks, a chain on the door and baby gates around the house, why can't they do this?
She made a request that I slow down, I declined, I believe I am perfectly reasonable driving onto my property at 15mph. Neighbour seems to think that this was a command and I should bow down.
Why do they think it’s my responsibility to make sure their child is safe instead of them?!

I suspect she’s on here (hi neighbour) as she has a child around the same age as mine, and this is massively outing, so name change and all that.

Also I can provide diagrams of drives if necessary!

15mph actually sounds quite fast to be going over speed bumps and turning on to a driveway.

On you fucking go hun! Same way i would deal with rude neighbours, dont ever bow down to her

@Notnownotneverever

15mph actually sounds quite fast to be going over speed bumps and turning on to a driveway.

Agree, you’ll knacker the suspension! Whether you were driving too fast really depends on your road conditions. Narrow Estate cul de sac with poor visibility, lots of parked cars and children playing out it could well be too fast. At the end of the day whether she’s an idiot who can’t contain her child or not, imagine if you did hit her toddler, I don’t think being right will make you feel any less guilty

YANBU but you won't win against people like that. Just nod, smile, agree and do whatever you want, keep your distance

Surely OP could give up driving completely and it wouldn’t stop the kid getting hit by a car if it wanders into the street unsupervised

Always amazes me the number of mumsnetters who believe in pretzeling themselves to appease others

YANBU
Your neighbour sounds demented, people criticising you have either never had such selfish neighbours who can behave as if they own the whole road or behave similarly themselves. Driving 15mph in a residential road is well within the law, it is your neighbours responsibility as a parent to keep an eye on her young child, not yours.

Pulling into a driveway, you’re going way too fast.
A normal residential street, fine. But you specifically mentioned a driveway in your Op.
She sounds hard work, but it wouldn’t hurt to drive a bit slower.
My kids play on our front garden, supervised.
It wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility they step onto the neighbours drive way accidentally.
On a main road is an entirely different argument.

I couldn't be bothered with either of you. She sounds awful and you sound full of rage and resentment. Not attractive at all as people.

I cannot believe some of these replies. YADNBU OP. If your neighbour cannot parent her own child then that’s her problem not anybody else’s.

The amount of people that cannot take responsibility for their own actions these days is shocking.

If I saw any child out in the street on their own I would be calling social services and would be telling her that

I’m with you OP

She wasn’t concerned that your child might accidentally hurt themselves on the broken bottles that she smashed on your driveway, was she? She left it there for you to deal with.

I certainly wouldn’t bend over backwards to accommodate her. She’s shown her true colours - you can’t be a people pleaser in life.

Yanbu at all. I'd have shouted back so you did well OP. Yes I'm charming, arguing with a child bla bla bla. I would never start it but if someone shouted at me I know I'd shout back is all im saying.

OP - i do agree it's not for your neighbours to tell you what to do. I'd be the first to tell my neighbours to do one if they tried. That said, you've got to live beside them.

You know you're driving safely, no need to change.

But, is it really worth this battle?
Sometimes it's better to nod, smile appear to acquiesce and then do what you want anyway without getting shouted at.
I'd be sending a card saying, "sorry, you caught me at a bad moment, of course I'll drive considerably, best wishes!"

You were always driving considerably so no change for you - except an easier life without future confrontation. You'll win the war!

@Tistheseason17 see I think that card would give the neighbour a rod to beat OP with. I certainly wouldn’t send that, the neighbour would use it against her as evidence she was driving carelessly/dangerously. OP would be pandering to an unreasonable claim, and essentially admitting it’s true when it’s not

It’s an example of how people pleasing can backfire

It’s your driveway so drive how you like. Your family isn’t there to appease hers.

And vice versa.

some of the replies on this thread have me gobsmacked.

A family have a 2 year old who can open the door. Instead of dealing with that issue - pretty simple I would have thought , you lock the door so the 2 year old can't open it - they want their neighbours to drive as if a 2 year old is going to pop up in front of their car at any moment (there is no safe speed for that).

These parents are thick and/or neglectful and I would say looking for confrontation and probably disappointed the OP didn't raise her voice. This was never about the neglected child running onto the street- it was about the neighbours wanting to have a bit of a barney with the Op.

@GreenSlide

I think it would have been better for you to say something like, I was only driving at 15 mph, but don't worry I'll definitely keep an eye out for your child.

You've just escalated things really and I don't think they needed to get that bad.

I think something like this would have been the most reasonable response.

It's clear you don't like these neighbours and that's okay, we can't like everyone. I have a neighbour I cannot stand, he's rude and goes out of his way to piss me off (small things but obviously done to irritate or intimidate). And honestly, if he asked something of me I'd likely also want to say no because the idea of complying with him is unpleasant, but it would depend on whether I thought it was a fair request.

Hard to comment on whether your speed was reasonable as no one here knows what your street is like. On my street there are sometimes kids playing and cars parked where kids could suddenly pop out from, so I'm usually doing no more than 10mph, but sometimes it's a little faster. Not everyone will agree on what the 'right' speed should be, and no they can't make you agree with them and act in line with their views, but it's not unreasonable to worry about the safety of your child and ask.

Perhaps try and turn it around? Of course they should be watching their child, but accidents happen and, I don't know about you, but I've fretted over all the things that could happen to my beautiful daughter who I love more than anything. Imagined terrible things happening and got myself really anxious because something happening to her is my absolute worst nightmare. And if at a moment when I was imagining something like that, seeing a neighbour drive - what seemed to me - a bit too fast, I might (with quiet terror inside for my beloved daughters safety) ask them to drive a little slower, be a bit more careful.

Maybe your neighbour is just trying to piss you off, or demand something 'reasonable' from you to force you to comply etc. But maybe, they really are just worried about the safety of their dc. And if my neighbour that I really don't like, drove (IMO) fast on our street and I asked him to please drive a little slower because I was worried about my child, and he just said no, with no discussion and (seemingly) no consideration for my request or the safety of my child, I'd be pretty pissed off. I agree your neighbour shouldn't have shouted at you in front of your child, but I can also imagine getting cross and shouting at my neighbour in that situation (though not in front of their child - though he doesn't have one). It's always ideal to stay calm and have a reasonable discussion, but emotion sometimes gets the best of us.

Sorry for such a long response! I hope you manage to eventually have at least a civil relationship with your neighbours. Perhaps you could try one last time to be the bigger person - go round there, invite her (?) and her child round for a play date and take the opportunity to have an honest discussion about everything. Perhaps it will end with you both hating each other, maybe just maybe you'll gain some understanding or common ground. I personally don't feel like you'd have anything to lose in this situation (if they were shitty I'd just feel better about myself as a person!) but I appreciate that actually doing this would be very unlikely, so it's just a hopeful positive end to my input/advice 😊

YADNBU she sounds like a pita.

I would always be on the look out for her child now tho st o would definitely slow down a bit as she is clearly negligent.

Can someone link the relevant bit of the Highway Code that says you need to reverse onto your drive

I'm surprised people are defending the neighbour. She sounds horrible!
My son discovered how to take the chain off the door and got out once. I started locking it with the key and put the key up on a hook next to the top of the door!
She is responsible for stopping a 2 year old from escaping!

Yanbu at all. Agree with others if i saw a unsupervised 2y/o id be calling the police/ss i’d be very concerned.
She should be ensuring her 2 year old does not get out the house.
I would be in no hurry to do her any favours if she was ranting&raving at me, completely unacceptable if you did not shout/get in her face ( thankfully i have wonderful neighbours and have never had an escaped child).

One of our neighbours has cats that like to sunbathe in the middle of our road (it's a dead-end and very quiet). I slow down when entering our road and force my DH to do the same because I don't want to risk squashing one of them. I also chase or lift them onto the pavement if I see them lying in the road. Yes, there's a significant chance that the daft buggers will be flattened by a delivery van and there's nothing I can do about that, but I'm actually quite fond of them and would prefer not to be the one who flattens them. And there'd be much less fuss and all that from the police etc. from running over a cat than there would be from running over a child. But then I also assume every unrestrained small child under the age of about 6 that I pasa could dash out into the road at any minute and drive accordingly.

pass

@NoProblem123 I found it! It just means you should try and reverse into the driveway so you're not having to reverse into a main road. Phew as I never reverse into my driveway...

www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/using-the-road-reversing.html

It's a bit sad though, don't you think, to be fighting for your right to drive at 15mph even if you could actually slow down or at least say you will. It does sound as though you just want to fight. There will be no winners, you'll just keep pissing each other off. And it comes across as very petty and bad-tempered.

They sound rough as fuck. I'd stick to being polite but distant and have as little to do with them as possible. I don't see how it's hard to keep a toddler in the house anyway.