Just buy a bloody child lock and take some responsibility for your own child!

[takeresponsibilityforyourchild]

Probably being massively U here, and I am fully expecting to be flamed.
So I don’t drip feed- we moved into our house around 18 months ago and at first we said hello etc to our neighbours two doors down with little to no response.
We have had two interactions with them since.
First was neighbours two large Labrador type dogs running up my drive barking and jumping up at my mum. Neighbour found this funny, understandably my mother didn’t.
The second time was during the first lockdown they were drinking at the end of my drive with another neighbour until 3am. Twice my husband very politely asked them to keep the noise down to be met with a torrent of abuse. They left broken glass and a spilt drink which stained the drive, our other neighbours cleared this up. Since then they have completely blanked us.
So already I do not like these people, which may be clouding my judgment.
We live on a new-ish estate with speed bumps.
I was going EXACTLY 15mph down the road and pulled up at my drive with my two year old in the back. As I got out the car neighbour said when you pull up on your drive can you go slower because my child (who is a similar age to mine) can open the door.
I said no, I won’t.
To which she started to raise her voice, I didn’t do this as I had my child with me. I asked her if she had a child lock on her front door and suggested that if she doesn’t she should get one to prevent her child from getting out. By now the woman is ranting and raving at me in the middle of the street. I can be quite firey when provoked and only kept my cool because of my child.
Couple of points as to why I won’t change the perfectly acceptable way I drive.
I was going 15mph, way below the legal speed limit and reasonable for a residential street. If she’s that bothered she can write to her local councillor and ask for them to change the speed limit.
They have been nothing but rude to my family since we moved in, why should I do anything for them?
Every time I pull up they’re sat at the window looking out, instead of sitting at the window all day concerning themselves with what others are doing, maybe they should pay more attention to their child who can apparently get out.
I have taken safety precautions to prevent my child coming to harm including safety locks, a chain on the door and baby gates around the house, why can't they do this?
She made a request that I slow down, I declined, I believe I am perfectly reasonable driving onto my property at 15mph. Neighbour seems to think that this was a command and I should bow down.
Why do they think it’s my responsibility to make sure their child is safe instead of them?!

I suspect she’s on here (hi neighbour) as she has a child around the same age as mine, and this is massively outing, so name change and all that.

Also I can provide diagrams of drives if necessary!

Neighbour sounds dreadful. I understand why you didn't want her telling you off.

But! You should always be wary of children on estates such as yours. Children do stupid things, and no matter how good a parent is, every child manages to do something dangerous eventually.

I also think your anger and confrontational manner (with your neighbour at least) isn't going to make your life any easier or more pleasant.

Really odd, the neighbour doesn’t even need child locks (just to turn the key in the front door!). You weren’t going too fast but should keep a careful eye out in case of toddler on the rampage.

@doorornottodoor

Just try to put yourself in her shoes. I get that you’re mad but what do you want to happen here?

For her to stop her child running outside?

OP remind her about the broken glass she left outside.

@doorornottodoor

I wouldn’t have said what you said. It just makes a bad situation worse. I would have just said sure, no problem and maybe suggest a child lock like the one you’ve got.

Personally I would be tempted to offer some form of olive branch. It would have been upsetting for her to hear that you wouldn’t slow down. She’ll have heard that as - I will knock your child down if I want!

Funnily enough the other day I was thinking of inviting her around so our children can play together in the garden. I absolutely will not be doing this now after the way she has spoken to me.

You driving at 15mph isn't the issue.

What will she do when someone going past her house is driving a legitimate (20? I presume) and her child has run out into the road?

@Yokey

Neighbour sounds dreadful. I understand why you didn't want her telling you off.

But! You should always be wary of children on estates such as yours. Children do stupid things, and no matter how good a parent is, every child manages to do something dangerous eventually.

I also think your anger and confrontational manner (with your neighbour at least) isn't going to make your life any easier or more pleasant.

I am aware of my surroundings at all times when I am driving, I have no intentions of hitting her child or anyone else. Children very rarely play on our street and I of course would drive even slower than I already do if I were to see anyone in the road.

YABU to refuse. Are you prepared to risk knocking down a child?

Yes, they should take measures themselves but you don't know that they haven't, some children are very quick to learn to open child gates or locks or climb over the gates very quickly when your back is turned.

@AcornAutumn

OP remind her about the broken glass she left outside.

It has taken all my strength to not say anything about her previous behaviour towards us. I am not petty, but I will not be spoken to like that by anyone. Although I am tempted to send her some spare child locks I have, now that would be petty.

YABU to refuse. Are you prepared to risk knocking down a child?
If the OP is driving in a way that is appropriate for the visibility and conditions then she's being reasonable as she would be able to stop for a hazard, be it a child or a dog or a sofa that's fallen off a van.

If the neighbour is so concerned that the OP driving at 15mph is a serious danger to her own poorly supervised child, she's probably got to wise up and realise that roads are used by lots of people, and she isn't going to be going round telling them all how to drive.
Maybe the neighbour should supervise her child and put appropriate safety measures in

If her child can open the door then she should lock it and keep key out of reach..

My toddler is just two... Can open our door which leads onto street which coincidently most do not drive at 15mph or less

Guess what we lock the door and he doesn't escape

No you are not being unreasonable

@duvetdreaming

YABU to refuse. Are you prepared to risk knocking down a child?

Yes, they should take measures themselves but you don't know that they haven't, some children are very quick to learn to open child gates or locks or climb over the gates very quickly when your back is turned.

There is no safe speed at which to hit a toddler with a car, and OP should be reversing onto the drive anyway, so might not even see the child as they'd be below the height of the rear window in most vehicles. The onus of keeping the toddler safe rests firmly on the shoulders of the parents.

So basically AIBU, a few people say yes and you refuse to even consider it. Why ask?

I would sleep on it. Reflect a bit. Think about the kind of relationship/atmosphere you want in your street and whether that’s more important than being in the “right”. You are technically in the right but is it worth it?

They don't sound easy people but you're not going to have a very nice time with that unpleasant attitude.

When your kids are bit older they'll play out and do stupid things. Childlocks will be a thing of the past. And you'll hope that when one of yours does run out or step off the kerb that the driver isn't going as fast as they are allowed to just because they can.

All she said was, can you go a bit slower when pulling into your driveway. Sorry, but that's a perfectly reasonable request. She's probably totally forgotten about about any other previous issues, and its probably just you that's holding on to them. So from her perspective, she's worried about her child, and you've totally dismissed her worry.

Yabu
You may be technically correct, but imo that's the worst kind of correct.
I have a lovely relationship with my neighbours on both sides, they are so kind and nice and do all kinds of things for us like giving second hand baby things, taking out our bins and even cleaning my car the other day. I don't complain when they use their pressure washer loudly when I'm having a picnic, or their daughter in her 20s plays music in the garden.

You have to live with these people. You could get on with them if you tried. You say you're annoyed about the spilt drink and the dogs. But maybe they're annoyed at your Christmas lights or your loud radio etc etc. Who cares, just be nice, try and give a little and you'll receive in return

You might have been right but you would have git better result by going grey rock. Or by be more diplomatic (same thing but different words).
Next time just say yes and do as you please.

She took your NO as a declaration of war. She is going to be a nightmare.

In my old road there was a child I affectionately referred to as "dilly daydream" as she would just wander into the road. I didn't confront the parents (not the people you want to get on the wrong side of) but I always drove into the road presuming she would be in the middle of it.

It does sound like she is arguing for arguments sake though.

@Mummy1608

Yabu You may be technically correct, but imo that's the worst kind of correct. I have a lovely relationship with my neighbours on both sides, they are so kind and nice and do all kinds of things for us like giving second hand baby things, taking out our bins and even cleaning my car the other day. I don't complain when they use their pressure washer loudly when I'm having a picnic, or their daughter in her 20s plays music in the garden.

You have to live with these people. You could get on with them if you tried. You say you're annoyed about the spilt drink and the dogs. But maybe they're annoyed at your Christmas lights or your loud radio etc etc. Who cares, just be nice, try and give a little and you'll receive in return

You've obviously not read my PP I have been nice, I have been polite.

YANBU op, neighbours sound awful.

What will she do when someone going past her house is driving a legitimate (20? I presume) and her child has run out into the road?
Or her child vanishes after letting themselves out of the house.

@SergeantCatFlap

All she said was, can you go a bit slower when pulling into your driveway. Sorry, but that's a perfectly reasonable request. She's probably totally forgotten about about any other previous issues, and its probably just you that's holding on to them. So from her perspective, she's worried about her child, and you've totally dismissed her worry.

Reasonable to request and reasonable to say no, as 15mph is perfectly acceptable. What is not reasonable is being shouted at in the street when I have my child with me.

I am aware of my surroundings at all times when I am driving, I have no intentions of hitting her child or anyone else.
Children very rarely play on our street and I of course would drive even slower than I already do if I were to see anyone in the road.

I'm sure you're very careful. The "responsibility for your own children" part is what I was responding to. It's not just the kids of feckless parents who have accidents. If you drive carefully, there's no need for the "I'll do what I like because your kids are not my responsibility" attitude.

Is it perfectly reasonable to say no to someone having legitimate safely concern?

I suspect you didn't just say no - but gave her a no with attitude. Which is why she shouted at you.

Her kids aren't the OPs responsibility, its the parents who sound like they think its everyone else's but theirs. Tyoical