Sisters wedding

KoalaOok · 09/04/2021 07:53

It's difficult for her to have to choose who to cut from her list. She might think it's fairest to all her siblings to not invite any partners. It's not her fault you can't handle going without him. She didn't choose the partners to be part of her life.

AuntieStella · 09/04/2021 07:55

She's not singling you out, and it's perfectly fine to expect people in couples to still have an independent social life.

Covid has meant lots of people have had to prune numbers at weddings sharply. This doesn't strike me as such a bad way to do it.

Go or don't go, depending on what you want to do. But own your choice, don't blame the bride who is dealing with pandemic restrictions in a reasonable way

KoalaOok · 09/04/2021 07:55

It's up to you if you accept the invitation or not but it's not up to you to decide who she should invite

Brefugee · 09/04/2021 07:56

She's making a pragmatic decision about her own wedding and it is, of course, entirely your decision if you go or not.

You'Re being a bit disingenuous with your 'but my DH makes an effort but she's going to invite distant relatives she has little or no contact with' schtick though. Are you intimately involved with all her relationships? It's her wedding her choice. If you're like seemingly 90% of MN you hate weddings anyway.

Womencanlift · 09/04/2021 07:56

Of course you don’t have to go but to say that your husband should come and the other siblings partner’s shouldn’t is not fair. She is probably making that blanket decision for all partners to avoid any “why is he allowed when mine isn’t” conversation

Her decision who to invite, your decision whether to go

Iheartbed · 09/04/2021 07:57

Surely you can see why she has to do it though, I’d probably do the same if it was a numbers game

NoProbLlamaa · 09/04/2021 07:58

YABU

Your sister isn’t cutting him because she wants to, it’s because she has to (IF she has to). You seriously wouldn’t go to your own sisters wedding because of something she might be forced to do?

Stop making it about you and your husband.

Looneytune253 · 09/04/2021 07:58

Of course you should go. This is your sister and we're in the middle of a pandemic meaning the numbers have to be cut. It's not as if she's doing it nastily!! Your husband doesn't come first in this scenario, it's your sisters wedding day!!

LooseThreads · 09/04/2021 07:59

I'd think she was doing her best in an extremely difficult situation. She's trying to do it in the least controversial way she can so she can have as many of the important people in her life that she can.

CloudFormations · 09/04/2021 08:00

She sounds like a racist so tbh I wouldn’t feel to bad about missing it if I were you.

3Britnee · 09/04/2021 08:00

@MrsC1990

Hi everyone in new here. I was looking for some advice please. My sister is getting married this year and due to Covid she's saying if she cuts numbers for the wedding then first people she will be asking nit to come will be partners of us 4 siblings. I'm the only one out of the 5 of us siblings who is married. I've been married to my husband for 8yrs and we have a 3 Yr old son. The other siblings all have partners who they have been with for a while and all have children. The two boys partners have already said they won't go to the wedding becais they don't really get on with my sister and the youngest sisters fiancee have said the same. So out of us 4 siblings it's just my husband who tries to get along with her and she has said if she got to cut numbers she would rather have people like old school friends and distant relatives who haven't bothered for years with us since our parents split 20yrs ago. I have thought that if she has to definitely cut numbers and if my son and husband can't go then I'm not going to go either. Not out of spite or anything like that I just feel that I don't want to go alone and my priorities are to my son and husband right? Plus I should point out that when me n my husband got married she was 18 and living at home with my mum n stepfather and they didn't agree with my marriage to a man of a different race to me at the time. Not that he's a bad man or anything. They just didn't want it but it's my life and I love him he's good to me and mour son. So she never came to my wedding either. As I say its not tit for tat or anything like that I just feel if my husband and son are uninvited I don't want to go. Can i get some advice please thanks in advance

Re: not going because she won't invite your dh/ds. Grow up.

Re: not going because she didn't go to yours because your Dh is a different race. Why do you have anything to do with her anyway?

Ragwort · 09/04/2021 08:01

I think you need to be more understanding towards your sister, Covid has made planning weddings so difficult this year, we were dropped from a wedding invitation - I totally understood. Surely you can go with your siblings and enjoy your sister's day - you and your DH don't have to do everything together?

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 09/04/2021 08:02

Can you imagine the shit she'd get if she invited one siblings partner but not the others.

It's a pandemic. She's doing what she can and I feel for anyone whose dream wedding has been messed about like this.

The rest of your post is very biased against her. It sounds like you just don't want to go. Which is fine. But don't blame it on your sister for doing what she can in a pandemic.

MaMaD1990 · 09/04/2021 08:03

This whole thing aside, if you want to go, you should go but if you don't want to go them politely decline - just be ready for a bit of an argument as to why not. Although you say its not tit for tat, it does sound like there is an element of this otherwise you wouldn't be mentioning her not coming to your wedding as well as distant relatives not being uninvited. I can see why it's hurtful but at the end of the day it is her wedding and hard decisions have to be made, would you be comfortable having your sister feel the way you potentially did on your wedding day by not turning up? I would set all of this to one side and go - sometimes life is about taking the highroad for the benefit of others.

aprilanne · 09/04/2021 08:04

I am assuming she is a difficult character if all the other partners dont get on with her anyway and to not come to your wedding because you married someone of a different culture that would be a no from Me right there .

HerMammy · 09/04/2021 08:06

PPs seem to be missing the point that she’s inviting distant relatives who she has little/ no contact with over immediate family.
I’d not go on the basis she’s a racist and seems generally unpleasant.

Oneeyeopen · 09/04/2021 08:10

My dd had 15 people last year out of the original 120.
The first wedding was cancelled.
Life is shit for people getting married atm and my dd agonised and cried so many times over her wedding.
Try and be supportive to your dsis. You know how it feels to arrange a wedding with no restrictions.
It's infinitely harder now.
The best thing you can do is accept her invite, smile all day and be a model guest.

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 09/04/2021 08:13

I'm not taking it as gospel the sister is racist.

I took it when the op got married her mum and step dad didn't agree as she says 'they' didn't come. And if she was 18 and living at home I don't blame anyone for not wanting to not rock the boat with racist parents. So I make no assumptions on that.

Whatever happened to it's the couples wedding they can invite who they want?

But like I said it sounds like the op just doesn't like her and doesn't want to go. Which is fine. But to blame it on this is IMO unreasonable.

CareBear50 · 09/04/2021 08:13

O think your sister is between a rock and a hard place.

She has made a blanket decisions for BILs and or SILs possibly to avoid an issue

If I were you I'd privately be annoyed but would attend anyway as she's my sister and I love her.

Good luck OP x

LooseThreads · 09/04/2021 08:14

PPs seem to be missing the point that she’s inviting distant relatives who she has little/ no contact with over immediate family.
I'm not missing it, I'm assuming it's a wild exaggeration.

Original poster

MrsC1990 · 09/04/2021 08:15

Hi, I think some of you are getting the wrong impression of me. Some of you have said that I can't handle going without him and I shouldn't try to make it about me n him and I shouldn't decide who comes to her wedding. I'm not trying to do any of that. I know it's hard for her during the pandemic with the wedding planning we talk all the time and she tells me how it's made her feel and I truelly feel awful for her. I can handle going without my husband and my son but I don't feel I should have to.im just saying was invited as a family from when she started planning her wedding. I wasn't asking for some of the judgy comments and unkindness that I can feel already. I was being genuine and tryinbg to discuss my feelings. She's my sister. I love her but I don't want to go without him. I guess unless you know the family you might not understand the dynamics of it.

OP posts:

Oneeyeopen · 09/04/2021 08:16

@HerMammy I think an 18 year old living at home can be excused not going to a wedding if her dp's weren't going.
We don't know if she's a racist or not.
If she was only excluding ops dp then that would be different.
As for distant relatives and friends I would pick friends over some of my in-laws anyday.

PurBal · 09/04/2021 08:17

Her wedding her choice. Fwiw DH wasn't invited to a friends wedding and whilst I was a bit out out to begin with I actually had a much nicer time than I would have done with him there.

AuntieStella · 09/04/2021 08:18

I'd be quite surprised if OP knew how well her DSis knew any particular relative, given that it sounds to me that OP does not like her.

Being or distant kin is not a synonym for having little to do with a person (and it would be bizarre then not inviting them because a different family member of same degree of kin does not have the same relationship and thinks the guest list should be different)

JackieWeaverFever · 09/04/2021 08:19

I came on to say yabu and I think potentially you are.

As context we got married last year and had to make similar +1 decisions as could have a max 20 people at our wedding and 30? At our evening reception.
We literally had immediate family and bridal party. And i have 15 aunts and uncles! (None of whom were invited!) We also didnt know if we would be able to invite bridal parties +1. We could wrangle it in the end but one of my bridesmaids was a real dick about it (she kept being "confused" because "he wasn't invited originally was he?". We had a space for him because my fil died and he then spent the day heckling the photographer, telling awful jokes and downing as much expensive alcohol as he could manage)

she would rather have people like old school friends and distant relatives who haven't bothered for years with us since our parents split 20yrs ago

This, however, is crap and hurtful to you and your husband and i agree it tells you where you stand. So you can prioritise her less in your lives generally without creating a load of wedding drama as she has not uninvited him yet.

On her side, planning a covid wedding is/was proper shit.