Sisters wedding

[MrsC1990]

Hi everyone in new here. I was looking for some advice please. My sister is getting married this year and due to Covid she's saying if she cuts numbers for the wedding then first people she will be asking nit to come will be partners of us 4 siblings. I'm the only one out of the 5 of us siblings who is married. I've been married to my husband for 8yrs and we have a 3 Yr old son. The other siblings all have partners who they have been with for a while and all have children. The two boys partners have already said they won't go to the wedding becais they don't really get on with my sister and the youngest sisters fiancee have said the same. So out of us 4 siblings it's just my husband who tries to get along with her and she has said if she got to cut numbers she would rather have people like old school friends and distant relatives who haven't bothered for years with us since our parents split 20yrs ago. I have thought that if she has to definitely cut numbers and if my son and husband can't go then I'm not going to go either. Not out of spite or anything like that I just feel that I don't want to go alone and my priorities are to my son and husband right? Plus I should point out that when me n my husband got married she was 18 and living at home with my mum n stepfather and they didn't agree with my marriage to a man of a different race to me at the time. Not that he's a bad man or anything. They just didn't want it but it's my life and I love him he's good to me and mour son. So she never came to my wedding either. As I say its not tit for tat or anything like that I just feel if my husband and son are uninvited I don't want to go. Can i get some advice please thanks in advance

She’s not singling you out though? She’s saying she’d rather her sisters attend without their kids and partners. I wouldn’t take a 3 year old to a wedding, you’ll spend all day chasing after him, shushing him and have to leave early?

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Well it’s interesting you say that, *@ancientgran* - because quite a few people have said the sister is wrong to prioritise ‘distant’ relatives over the OP’s husband. Maybe SHE is closer to those distant relatives that someone she only had a relationship with because of her sister. Where do you stand on that?

If they are closer then invite them. I don't get all the fuss about not being invited or not attending. If you don't want people don't invite them, if you don''t want to go then don't go. If you want someone to go and you don't invite their partner then realise they might decide they'd rather be with their partner than you.

In this case didn't she say she hadn't bothered with them for 20 years? Doesn't sound close to me but I suppose everyone has their own definition.

I don’t get the upset tbh, considering that you’re not exactly close. Don’t go if you don’t want to, but there’s no need for this drama about it.

In this instance your DSis hasn’t been unreasonable.

@ChristmasFluff

And if I'd been living with racist parents at 18, I'd absolutely have gone to my sister's wedding. Unless I was a racist.

You are losing nothing, OP in declining the invite

That’s all well and good if the wedding is a ten-minute walk away, or if your live on a regular bus or tube route. What if you’re 18 and want to go to a wedding your parents are refusing to attend that’s an hour away, and you have no transport, or cash for a train ticket, or even a train station you can get to?

And that only covers attending the wedding. Most 18 year-olds are reliant on their parents for a roof over their head, if not completely reliant financially. Hasn’t it occurred to you that, if her parents were the type of people to boycott their daughter’s wedding over the groom’s race, they might also be the kind of people to make life very difficult for their other daughter when she defied them to go.

It’s all very well saying ‘Well I’d have gone to my sister’s wedding...’ when you know nothing of the circumstances. Maybe it wasn’t that easy.