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AIBU?

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Original poster

To turn a blind eye to his affair

160 replies

Notinthisworld · 08/04/2021 22:45

Been together for 22 years, married for 12. Two pre-teens, a lot of finances together. We are comfortable with each other, however there is no desire for one another and very little sex. I suspected there was someone else 8 months ago and now I'm almost certain.

OP posts:
TortaCioccolato · 08/04/2021 22:49

How did you discover it? I'm pretty sure my mum turned a blind eye to my dad's affair.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/04/2021 22:49

Don't ignore it - that's no way to live. No god ever came from pretending everything is fine when it's a disaster.

HollowTalk · 08/04/2021 22:50

If you think it's still going on, you'd be crazy to ignore it. They could be planning all sorts of things, financially, and you can bet your life none of them will benefit you.

Notapheasantplucker · 08/04/2021 22:52

So how do you feel, knowing/thinking he's having an affair?

Jiggyjigsaw · 08/04/2021 22:54

You sound very calm about it. Do you think this is something that you can live with and feel ok about yourself? If you can then that is fine you should arrange some ground rules but if you don't feel comfortable I think you have to discuss separation.

Trixie78 · 08/04/2021 22:54

What do you want to do? If you're happy with things the way they are then fair enough turn a blind eye. I've known a number of women do this tbh. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes not. Regardless just get all finances and ducks in a row just in case he decides to leave.

CrazySheepLady · 08/04/2021 22:55

I don't think you should turn a blind eye to it. He could be planning to leave, try to throw you out of your home, fleece you out of money.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2021 22:55

Is he likely to leave you for her?

gottokeepplodding · 08/04/2021 22:57

I couldn't ignore it. Have you proof he is having an affair.

Icanflyhigh · 08/04/2021 22:59

I couldn't ignore it in all honesty

Branleuse · 08/04/2021 23:00

If it doesnt bother you, maybe you could discuss an open marriage

Teardrop2021 · 08/04/2021 23:12

Is it a choice not to have much sex? You state there's nondesire is this on both sides.?

PinkiOcelot · 08/04/2021 23:15

Why on earth would you do that?

babbaloushka · 08/04/2021 23:17

You're much more controlled than I would be OP. Make sure your finances are watertight in case he decides to leave.

Oversize · 08/04/2021 23:21

Turn a blind eye if you want but you absolutely need to see a solicitor and go through your finances. If he does decide to leave there'll be a short window of guilt and you need to act fast if you intend to protect yourself by taking advantage of that.

HollowTalk · 08/04/2021 23:22

Is this connected to yesterday's thread about your friend having an affair?

Oversize · 08/04/2021 23:24

Don't underestimate how messy it can get, especially if there's someone in his ear telling him what he 'should' be fighting for. The very fact that he's cheating and lying to you must give you a clue to what his value of you is. Don't trust him to see you or your kids right if push comes to shove.

Hankunamatata · 08/04/2021 23:28

How do you feel about it? Only issue with turning blind eye is that he may decide to leave you tomorrow for her.

If you want to turn blind eye, make sure your financially secure as you can be.

CoRhona · 08/04/2021 23:32

Are your husband and your friend having an affair together?

00100001 · 08/04/2021 23:36

Of you know about and are happy about it.

What not just give him your blessing?

Tell him you know though.
I mean, it must be easier all round if it's out in the open. No sneaking or lying anymore.

People have been happily married, and "allowed" their partner to go off and have sex with someone else, especially if it fulfils a need/desire/fantasy that they can't or won't provide. (Eg, one partner is bisexual)

DrSbaitso · 08/04/2021 23:46

Well...how do you feel about it? Does it bother you?

Even if it doesn't, I'd be conscious that I might be happy staying married for the security etc, but if he's found something exciting with someone else, he might not be.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2021 23:46

Or..if you accept it, and chat about it, you might agree on co-parenting, living together, but having separate 'romantic' lives. Then you might get something out of it too.

Closetbeanmuncher · 08/04/2021 23:49

😶

Oh dear.

moanieleminx · 08/04/2021 23:51

Why would YOU want to? What's in it for you?

Carbara · 08/04/2021 23:53

Whatever STDs and humiliation you’re into, cool, but can you afford your mortgage etc. when he files for divorce? Is he porking your mate and you’re fine about it? 😂