Friends Kids Ruined couch and cushions

[CatherineJHealy]

My friend came over the other day with their child (as they wanted to leave their place for a while due to estate agents coming over). It was all fine, but the child dropped food all over my white rug. (I said we should eat in the kitchen/dining area - but the child shouted at his father that he wanted to eat on the couch in my living room!) Dropping the food over the white rug wasn’t really a problem as it wasn’t ‘wet’ food. The parents then gave him an Easter egg that they pulled out from their bag. The child had it in his hands and was almost sucking on it etc… basically the chocolate had melted down/all over his hands. He then wiped his hands over my couch and on my suede cushions. I’ve not been able to remove the stains. At the time I used tissues - handed them to the parents and child - and in fairness; they told their child to use the tissues whilst he was eating food - but obviously it didn’t work. Am I being precious?! The suede cushion is ruined and the chocolate is now ‘embedded’ into the couch. I’ve tried to clean twice now and the fibres of the couch are coming loose. I don’t want to keep hacking away at it. Do I say anything to the parents or just leave it? Please don’t be cruel - just genuinely annoyed - but know it’s not the end of the world. Thing is; they are good friends so I don’t want to fall out with them.

HarrietSchulenberg I agree entirely. I’m not very assertive. OP might have zero experience with children or not much confidence in these situations.

I have no idea how or why it is her responsibility to enforce manners in someone else’s child.

The PA option is to message your friend and ask for ideas on how to get the stain out of your sofa from little Tommy's chocolate as you're sure she's much better at this than you

@thebillyotea

To all the rude posters accusing the OP of being a doormat.. back in real life, it's not that easy to throw people out of your house when they ignore your wishes! It take a certain kind of individual to put their foot down.

She didn't need to throw them out or go any where near putting her foot down she just needed to say can we eat in the kitchen because the living room isn't child/food friendly. Maybe make a joke about the cream colours being so impractical.

Friends are very unlikely to ignore your wishes if you state them clearly/ask politely instead of sitting mute not saying anything.

If I say 'no we are eating at the table' in MY house, then the table is where we are eating! Stop being so wet, that'll help

Your 'friend' isn't much of a friend if they allowed their child to do that & didn't even offer to have it cleaned

I'd get an upholstery cleaner in (chocolate would come out easily if you use a good upholstery cleaner, not cheap fred from Facebook) & ditch the friend.

I would not be happy. Hence I don’t allow friends with small kids in anymore.
When my child was smaller 4-5 years we always had a home Bday party here.
About 6 kids. They always ruined lots of stuff.
So no more pay dates here.
Once I had a play date here and a child broke my child’s brand new toy- she stand on it and it all cracked.
I was not happy but I said nothing.
My child still remembers it even now being much older.
But back to you.
I am not sure what I would do being in your situation. Probably tried to clean it myself and replace myself.
Depends how expensive it all was.

Did they see the stains and jist walk away?

Anyway, I’d just get it professionally cleaned, person will come to your house, cost will be about fifty quid.

ask your friends if they can come and help you clean the sofa and cushions, as no matter what youve tried you cant get the stains out

@WakeUpSchmakeUp

HarrietSchulenberg I agree entirely. I’m not very assertive. OP might have zero experience with children or not much confidence in these situations. I have no idea how or why it is her responsibility to enforce manners in someone else’s child.

Because it's HER hone & soft furnishings and she's friends with stupid people.

@KirstenBlest

How old is the child and does he have any conditions that may have affected what happened?

For goodness sake, not this again 🙄 Bloody say something, I'd happily fall out with a parent who allowed their child to do this and not want to put it right

I’d be pissed, as parents they should not have let him anywhere near your couches especially with chocolate. I take food places with my DCs but I’d never give them chocolate in someone else’s house unless I asked it if was ok and they were sat at a table. It was the parents who allowed the child off the table and weren’t prepared with wipes to clean him as soon as he was about to touch something.

Good friends don’t do this so I’d have no problem sending them a bill for cleaning.

I have cream couches. Pre covid when we would have kids round the sitting room was out of bounds, this was made clear to both parents and kids with the fact I had a gate up to stop the kids going in there. My own kids fine, they knew the rules on food and I actually don’t mind cleaning my own kids shit up. Other people’s kids though are a different kettle of fish, especially when the parents don’t discipline or watch them. One kid threw a £140 remote control robot of my husbands down the stairs, just to see what it would do, his mother never said a word, needless to say he was never invited back. And that also put a stop to kids playing upstairs. There was another time we were having a party, lots of kids, no one was allowed in the sitting room, gate was up, lights off, the sitting room not only had my cream couches but also fragile and irreplaceable items my own DCs know to be careful around. One girl about 9 goes in and picks up a very fragile ornament and starts pulling at bits of it waving it in the air, monetary value zero, personal vale irreplaceable as it was a gift I’d bought my grandmother as a child and I was given it when she died. I told her no kids in here the party was in the back of the house, but she ignored me and she still kept trying to touch things, she made a beeline for my dads ashes so I told her that was my DCs grandad in there, they burnt his dead body and put some of the ashes in there, she shit herself and left the room. Her dad stood there the whole time in the doorway and said, this is why we don’t have anything nice in our house they break stuff all the time. I felt like telling him maybe he should actually do some parenting then.

@Dutch1e

I'm in the Netherlands and most people have personal insurance for exactly this kind of situation. It's not a big deal, just a short chat to say "your wee lad's chocolate isn't coming out of the couch... would you like to sort it between us or is there a process your insurer asks you to follow?"

Yes, but we don't have that here. It's a very sensible way of doing things. I think they do this in Germany too don't they?

Go to their house, whip a curry (or something equally messy to eat) out of your bag and start eating it on their sofa

Honestly can't believe how many people om this thread saying it's your fault and you allowed it to happen 🤨 you can see where so many kids get their entitled attitude and lack of respect from

Totally agree with this, maybe parenting is considered old fashioned these days 🙄

If I took a dog to someone’s house and it peed on their carpet, would it be the house owners fault for allowing the dog into the house? I’d be absolved of all responsibility, right? Or is that different for some reason?

It’s surprising that someone would allow their child to eat in someone else’s sitting room, it’s bad manners. At the very least the parents could have asked you first. I’m not sure about how to go about this, if they’re good friends. Have you tried dabbing baking soda and stain remover on there and leaving for a few hours? I think it’s important to make it clear to guests in future too that you don’t allow eating in your sitting room.

Were parental phones involved by any chance?

You have my sympathies OP. Had visitors last week with a toddler in our no longer childproofed home & garden. DH and I nearly had a breakdown, watching their child whilst Mum & Dad ignored the dangers and carried on playing on their phones.

I don't know if it is a side effect of lockdown that new parents are out of the habit of looking out for their children when out and about or if it is just these parents.

I'm afraid you probably need to shell out for professional cleaning (and never invite them again).

Did the parents not see the mess wrought by the child...or did they just gather him up, leave & not mention it? I'd be very annoyed if someone let their kids wreck my furniture.... I'd have insisted he move to the table when I saw the chocolate egg being whipped out... or def by time I'd noticed him sucking on chocolate as it melted onto his hand.

I would never let my child behave like this in someone's home....& if he made any mess then I would clean it myself or if professional were needed, pay for it to be cleaned all the time apologising profusely. I think I would have to say something along the lines that given the state of your couch you suggest, if their house is being viewed, they avoid giving him chocolate for the duration as it is a horror to clean. See what they say? They might be great friends but not good parents if they allow a child to behave like this & then ignore it. If they come again...no food of any sort unless he is at the table...end of.

Take a photo of it send it to them and ask them if they know how to get chocolate out of suede if it was my child I would have been so embarrassed and bought you a new cushion or paid for it to be cleaned.

The parents shouldn't have allowed the mess to happen/cleaned it up properly, but I do feel that you should have insisted that they ate in the kitchen, it's your house, your rules. My friend doesn't allow food anywhere but the kitchen and we all know it and the kids stick to her rules.

At least you know for next time, and you do then need to firmly insist that it is kitchen only. It is up to the parents to then enforce that with their child and not give in to his demands.

@AWamBamBoom,
If the child was a toddler, it might be a bit different to if it was an 8-yr old.

Do you really want friends who allow their badly behaved children to damage an expensive item of furniture and then refuse to accept responsibility for their poor parenting? I would drop them an email/phone explaining the situation and stating that a professional cleaning will be necessary and have to be paid for. Then when you send the bill it will not come as a surprise.

Get cool water in a bowl, add a little bit of vanish, some fabric conditioner and use microfibre cloth and gently scrub, it should go. Next time, never allow anyone eat on your couch and put a throw over it to protect it. I never allow my child to eat at someone's house unless it's in the kitchen and even then, I sit him on my lap as my lo is messy and I wash his hands immediately. Some parents aren't considerate and you have to tell them your rules.

CatherineJHealy

It is really, really really not your fault.

Try to find a way of letting them know they have properly damaged your sofa.
They need to pay to have it professionally steamed.

Don’t ask them back. They’re pathetic for not practising basic manners and teaching them to their kid.
There is no condition on this earth that requires chocolate to be administered so frequently that it has to take place in someone else’s house.

If they ever come over again, I'd ostentatiously cover my furniture with cheap, washable throws to make a beautifully PA point.

If they ever come over again it would be far better to be assertive and say the living room is out of bounds after what happened last time, a PA point wouldn't have any impact it would just fly right over their heads.

@FourWordsImMuNiTy

For future reference, a quick wipe with a dry tissue is never ever going to remove melted chocolate or anything sticky from a toddler’s hands. Soap, water, check from adult, hand towel.

My DH is fifty years old but still hasn’t worked out that a dry paper towel will not adequately clear up a kitchen spill of orange juice, honey, butter etc.

OP said it was a wet wipe.

My Mum is the same as your DH though! Hands me tissues when DD covered in jam!