Friends Kids Ruined couch and cushions

[CatherineJHealy]

My friend came over the other day with their child (as they wanted to leave their place for a while due to estate agents coming over). It was all fine, but the child dropped food all over my white rug. (I said we should eat in the kitchen/dining area - but the child shouted at his father that he wanted to eat on the couch in my living room!) Dropping the food over the white rug wasn’t really a problem as it wasn’t ‘wet’ food. The parents then gave him an Easter egg that they pulled out from their bag. The child had it in his hands and was almost sucking on it etc… basically the chocolate had melted down/all over his hands. He then wiped his hands over my couch and on my suede cushions. I’ve not been able to remove the stains. At the time I used tissues - handed them to the parents and child - and in fairness; they told their child to use the tissues whilst he was eating food - but obviously it didn’t work. Am I being precious?! The suede cushion is ruined and the chocolate is now ‘embedded’ into the couch. I’ve tried to clean twice now and the fibres of the couch are coming loose. I don’t want to keep hacking away at it. Do I say anything to the parents or just leave it? Please don’t be cruel - just genuinely annoyed - but know it’s not the end of the world. Thing is; they are good friends so I don’t want to fall out with them.

hellomum That will be because most people mix with other people who have similar ethics and attitudes to themselves.
"Only on MN" is a ridiculous phrase trotted out regularly. What it usually means is that "there is an opinion, or experience which is different from mine". There are hundreds of thousands of people on MN. I have no idea what % of people on here follow the rules and guidance in order to try and rid the country of the pandemic, it would be a completely wild guess, but I could tell you that "everyone I know" isn't letting people into their homes. That is just as valid as "everyone you know" and not "just on MN" but in all the different communities I am part of.

I had a child doing something similar in my car, the inconsiderate mum gave the toddlers bananas and chocolate to eat while in my car. Costed over £100 to clean.

Avoided them like the plague ever since, like all other people I know who knew them. There are accidents and there are shit inconsiderate parents, they were in the later group.

I would never have given my child chocolate to eat like that, nor let them eat on the couch. I don’t think your friends like you as much as you like them.

I have a brand new light grey couch shipped over from Turkey. I don’t even let my own children eat anywhere near it. I would have told my dear friend and their screaming child “Let’s all sit at the dining table !! and led the way with a smile and the chocolate!!!

These things happen when you have kids! Sometimes it costs you, having other people’s kids over. You have to learn to take it on the chin and be more careful next time.

Hey OP, the Mumsnet bullies out in force as usual today. I think you were put in a difficult position there. I would find it difficult to know what to do also. If you want to be friends, how about just chalk this down to a bad experiences and leave it this time. If they come round again with the little one then you can say hey it was difficult last time with the food and the stains. Can you ask little one to eat at the table. It's not your fault at all.

@Inwiththenew

These things happen when you have kids! Sometimes it costs you, having other people’s kids over. You have to learn to take it on the chin and be more careful next time.

It does to some But to others - their own children don’t behave like this and nor do their friends children behave like this

Very naughty child and irresponsible mother but also you should have indeed been more firm with them both. It's your home and rightly you should take pride in it. However, try using plain white vinegar on the stain. Rub it in and leave it to dry. Should do the trick with the cushion.

I have boys so have leather couches to allow daily cleaning of the absolute carnage,

I don't understand this. What 'carnage' are they wreaking in the living room and why do you let them wreak it there?

If you want to be friends, how about just chalk this down to a bad experiences and leave it this time. If they come round again with the little one then you can say hey it was difficult last time with the food and the stains.

But why should the OP have to just let this go to preserve her friendship with these people, when they've shown her home such disrespect? And it wasn't 'difficult', or rather it wouldn't have been 'difficult' for the OP's so-called friends to control their child.

I can’t believe the hard time OP got on here. When I go to “adult houses” with my kids I never let my kids trash the place I watch them like a hawk. The friends are dicks. I’d take pics and send them to them asking to contribute to help pay.

@Inwiththenew

These things happen when you have kids! Sometimes it costs you, having other people’s kids over. You have to learn to take it on the chin and be more careful next time.

Absolute tosh.

I made my dc take care of things and to be respectful of our home and when visiting others

Obviously accidents do happen

Absolutely agree op was put in tricky awkward situation which has now escalated to slightly ruined sofa which makes it even more awkward

She had already said not to eat there.. Is she supposed to issue a written command or put signs up.
I expect the dp had no idea the damage the boy Could cause and are perhaps struggling with managing his behaviour.

I had and kept tatty old sofas when dd was little.. Didn't mind them jumping on them etc and was surprised when we went to nct home and I was glared at for dd jumping on her sofa.. Dd was light slip of a thing..
But after I realised it was a new sofa and obviously her dc didn't do that so I made sure to tell dd before not to jump on people's sofas.

Sometimes what dc do is slow mo and in a new environment trying to contain a toddler and be polite and speak etc can be really hard.
I much preferred hosting for this reason and I could relax more... I'd like to say our house is lovely and nicely decorated.. I've certainly had many people actually take pics of certain things and constantly asked about various things where we got etc.. And complimented (is say this to expound we certainly don't like in a shit hole)... But.. We have sturdy items.. And are not precious about shoes /on or off etc.. Stuff that can withstand some stains.

Obviously if op doesn't have small dc she wouldn't be furnishing with that in mind.

Op now dc are much older I did get a cream sofa but with removal covers.. The first thing one dc did was draw on it!!

I've just left it..

Having rambled on all that I wouldn't actively let small dc eat choclate like that!! Esp not on pale sofa or any sofa. Lesson learnt.. Do simply be stricter next time and don't feel awkward about putting your foot down..

A similar thing happened to me several years ago. My sister and bil came over with their lovely but spoiled toddler as it was Easter . I had bought a chocolate egg for the tot but suggested it would be better if it remained boxed until they got home for exactly the same reasons the OP describes( they weren’t staying long) . When I insisted that the egg remained wrapped the toddler had a huge tantrum which made me feel awful but I didn’t back down . It’s very difficult to impose your own rules onto someone else’s child and I really do sympathise with the OP. If the child’s parents weren’t controlling their child then the only option is to take charge yourself. Your home - your rules .

I’d just get it cleaned if I were you. When the kid whined about eating at the table you should have said come on let’s eat at the table or we’re not eating at all. That goes for the egg too. The parents sound lazy, were they pissed?

Sorry X, but we only eat in the kitchen because we don't want to get our living room messy. You can go in there afterwards when you have finished and washed your hands.

Also a friend does not treat you like a doormat. If they haven't apologised and paid for sorting this, they are not friends.

Wow, I would be upset, someone recently brought their dog over and it went nuts up and down on my new furniture and I had to ‘guard’ the furniture but I still felt helpless, we were in the garden and the dog followed her in when she used the loo and she just sort of laughed. Quite rude and they won’t be invited over again. I like the Dutch answer, do you want to replace or contact your insurance? I also like the ‘sing song’ voice idea but too late:-(

@Berrengaria

Very naughty child and irresponsible mother but also you should have indeed been more firm with them both. It's your home and rightly you should take pride in it. However, try using plain white vinegar on the stain. Rub it in and leave it to dry. Should do the trick with the cushion.

Why irresponsible mother only?

... but the child shouted at his father...

@Pinkdelight3

Shouting kid doesn't overrule host. That's where this went wrong, by not being firm about your rules so you probably have to suck it up. But the fact that your friends weren't mortified by the white rug alone is atrocious. Bizarre to let a kid be the boss of all of you.

Shouting kid doesn't overrule host Absolutely - and there is some parental responsibility attached to this matter that doesn't seem to be present. A typical example of poor parenting followed by unacceptable behaviour of their child. To be honest I wouldn't have allowed the child to eat chocolate whilst sat on the sofa. Friend or no friend, I would be having a conversation with the parents about this.

Very poor parenting, bet the child is a pita at school too- or maybe not as they will have boundaries. Feel for you OP, if they come again you will have to be a surrogate parent in terms of showing what is/isn't acceptable. Maybe they're not such good friends as you thought?

Something similar happened to me. I didn’t say anything but I never invited the friend to my house again. One of her ‘D’C tried to set my dining room on fire, the other did cartwheels in my lounge and smashed a glass table and her youngest stained my carpet. This was all within the first 30 minutes of arriving (they were staying with us) and while the mother sat on her phone ignoring them. The next time they asked to visit I gave them hotel details. 😳😂

I don’t quite understand what cream suede sofas and white rugs are ‘for’. Who are they for? What are they for? To impress others, to be fashionable? How do they make a nice home when you constantly have to worry about their cleanliness?

My white couches are for me. I like white couches. I like sitting on them. I like the way I can paint the wall any colour I like and the couch will always go with it.

I never worried about the couches' cleanliness. My DCs and their friends ate in the kitchen or dining room, and they did all their art there too. They could build with Lego or blocks or have doll hospitals or read to their hearts' content in the sitting room.

Kids can observe basic rules about where to eat and where to do their art and still have fun and be happy in their own home, and a parent who likes a white couch can also be happy in her own home.

As an added bonus, if you teach them early on that we only eat at a table you don't experience the trauma of teenagers' rooms full of plates and mugs later, or any painful negotiations with teens who think it's fine to eat wherever.

But I just think children are more important than white sofas. White sofas are a fashion choice which will change in 10 years time. The fashion might be to live in a way that accommodates children better - in ten years time. I completely agree that her guests should have respected her furnishings. Completely. But what I’m against is - white sofas.

Children can be completely loved and valued and accommodated and also taught that there are places where they can play and make a mess and it's ok and places where they can't. They can also be taught that there are places where they can chat and laugh and yell and places where they can't. This can be accomplished with kindness, gentle reminders, and a loving demeanour on the part of the parent. Nobody has to shout or be harsh.

If you get them to understand the 'Yes here/now - No not here/now' thing early on, you'll be able to relax a bit when you're out, even with preschoolers.

It's not an insult to children to teach them to respect furniture, not to touch your makeup or jewellery, not to write on the walls, not to play ball/skate/ride bikes in the house, not to throw food, etc.