Friends Kids Ruined couch and cushions

[CatherineJHealy]

My friend came over the other day with their child (as they wanted to leave their place for a while due to estate agents coming over). It was all fine, but the child dropped food all over my white rug. (I said we should eat in the kitchen/dining area - but the child shouted at his father that he wanted to eat on the couch in my living room!) Dropping the food over the white rug wasn’t really a problem as it wasn’t ‘wet’ food. The parents then gave him an Easter egg that they pulled out from their bag. The child had it in his hands and was almost sucking on it etc… basically the chocolate had melted down/all over his hands. He then wiped his hands over my couch and on my suede cushions. I’ve not been able to remove the stains. At the time I used tissues - handed them to the parents and child - and in fairness; they told their child to use the tissues whilst he was eating food - but obviously it didn’t work. Am I being precious?! The suede cushion is ruined and the chocolate is now ‘embedded’ into the couch. I’ve tried to clean twice now and the fibres of the couch are coming loose. I don’t want to keep hacking away at it. Do I say anything to the parents or just leave it? Please don’t be cruel - just genuinely annoyed - but know it’s not the end of the world. Thing is; they are good friends so I don’t want to fall out with them.

@CatherineJHealy I have a two year old, and have given up somewhat trying to rein in his mess. I feel I put his freedom to make mess/explore above my need for a tidy house. It’s clean - but I’m not sure about my motivation for nice furnishings? Is that requirement more necessary that my child exploring and putting social restrictions on him. As he grows older I’ll teach him how to look after things properly, but I’m not so much having that expectation at age 2. I’ve bought some furniture covers that hide some of his dribble stains on the sofa (which I’ve tried countless times to clean) - and they are great. They match perfectly colour wise, and if they get stains on them I can wash them.

That said - if I went to a friends house, there is NO WAY if let him eat chocolate except strapped into a high chair where I can keep a very close eye on him!

You could take a picture of your couch, send it and ask if your friend has any suggestions in a light hearted way?? And then say we’ll eat at the table next time! I’m terrible at being assertive/sticking to boundaries.

@BodyRocks80s

I’d be pissed, as parents they should not have let him anywhere near your couches especially with chocolate. I take food places with my DCs but I’d never give them chocolate in someone else’s house unless I asked it if was ok and they were sat at a table. It was the parents who allowed the child off the table and weren’t prepared with wipes to clean him as soon as he was about to touch something.

Good friends don’t do this so I’d have no problem sending them a bill for cleaning.

I have cream couches. Pre covid when we would have kids round the sitting room was out of bounds, this was made clear to both parents and kids with the fact I had a gate up to stop the kids going in there. My own kids fine, they knew the rules on food and I actually don’t mind cleaning my own kids shit up. Other people’s kids though are a different kettle of fish, especially when the parents don’t discipline or watch them. One kid threw a £140 remote control robot of my husbands down the stairs, just to see what it would do, his mother never said a word, needless to say he was never invited back. And that also put a stop to kids playing upstairs. There was another time we were having a party, lots of kids, no one was allowed in the sitting room, gate was up, lights off, the sitting room not only had my cream couches but also fragile and irreplaceable items my own DCs know to be careful around. One girl about 9 goes in and picks up a very fragile ornament and starts pulling at bits of it waving it in the air, monetary value zero, personal vale irreplaceable as it was a gift I’d bought my grandmother as a child and I was given it when she died. I told her no kids in here the party was in the back of the house, but she ignored me and she still kept trying to touch things, she made a beeline for my dads ashes so I told her that was my DCs grandad in there, they burnt his dead body and put some of the ashes in there, she shit herself and left the room. Her dad stood there the whole time in the doorway and said, this is why we don’t have anything nice in our house they break stuff all the time. I felt like telling him maybe he should actually do some parenting then.

We have the same values regarding the home & guests. I like people to feel comfortable but honestly, just don’t take the piss. It is something children have to be TAUGHT by their OWN PARENTS.

Sorry - I meant me - I’m terrible. Not saying you are!! But perhaps might have been in this situation.

I've been thinking about this; I understand you are annoyed, op, but why are you posting it here for comments, wouldn't it have been better to express your disappointment to the child's parents or else keep schtum? It's possible the mother may post on here and see it, then think, "Why didn't she say anything to me?"

I already posted that in future a throw of some kind is good protection for furniture when small children are around. Also it is not difficult to get chocolate out of upholstery.

So you wanted to eat in the kitchen, the child kicked off and everyone went along with him/her?

My mum has never let any of her grandkids eat near her sofa in case they ruin it. My old things about 15 years old so I wouldn't care less but if it was new I just would not allow it.

@Penistoe i can understand that it’s not that easy when you are a guest. I’d normally give DD a mouthful if she goes against my house rules, but when you go to someone’s house - there’s a whole scenario of ‘having a nice time’, placating a child while trying to chat to a friend, getting distracted, and being not necessarily clear on your host’s boundaries.

TBH-to me they have such appalling manners in not having removed their dirty kid from the sofa immediately/being mortified about the stains/following up with offer to get it cleaned- I doubt I'd want to pursue a friendship with them anyway. So IMO- you have nothing to lose by sending a brief message asking if they'll say split costs of arranging a professional clean. They are awful.

Also in situations like this when guests are over- especially with loud kids etc- sense/house rules can go out the window in the moment as you seek to just ensure the atmosphere doesn't change/ become tense- even if you massively regret not being firmer later. I've had this happen so often, caught up in the chaotic moment when people are round and being pretty manic, then wishing I'd just said something at the time.

A white rug and a suede couche and you let a child eat food in the sitting room?

You know you should have said no and stuck to it.

Professional cleaning and a firmer stance in future.

But TBH, I’ve given up slightly on ‘having a nice time’ at other people’s houses. Especially with little kids. It usually turns into tantrums, awkwardness and something going wrong. I’d much rather meet at the park or in an open space where no one gives a stuff about cream suede sofas and designer fabrics.

I remember the first time I gave my kid a piece of chocolate, they did exactly the same thing but it was my own couch so chocolate was consumed at the table after that. I wouldn't dream of letting them eat chocolate on the couch of someone else's house if I thought this was even a possibility so think the parents should have taken some responsibility but at the same time think it's too late to say anything now. Put it down to one of life's experiences and frog march the kid to the table next time.

Unfortunately you've kind of missed the moment.

As soon as he looked at my white sofa I'd have been like "much as I adore him, I'll be really upset if the sofa gets ruined so let's go in the kitchen right now!!'

I think you can't do anything now. You like them. You're going to have to sort it out best you can.

And in future don't be worried to say - just be nice but say omg I don't want this to happen and be a nightmare. Take him somewhere kid proof. No crying to go on the white carpet - no. On the kitchen floor! : )

I think it's too late. I have cream suede sofas. I have put blankets on before any dc dare sit on them. But if Chocolate appeared anywhere close I'd have been instructing them to go elsewhere to eat that, and yes you can instruct people to not be rude in your own home. I think you need to work on being more assertive and let it go now as a lesson learned.

The parents are idiots too, though, in the nicest possible way. I'd have felt terrible if my kid had done that - I'd have taken them to the kitchen before.

Are you not in the UK? There’s no socialising indoors here currently.

If you knew they had chocolate you could have asked them to sit elsewhere.

You should have been firmer but your friends have no fucking manners and even less sense. How could any normal person allow their child to make a mess like that in someone else's house. They should be offering a professional clean but more than likely they won't. I think you need to mention it to them, but i wouldn't hold out any hope of them doing anything to help.

YANBU. It is the parents job to parent the child. As host when you say let’s eat in the kitchen, if the child throws a tantrum then the parents should be being firm with boundaries, it does not fall to the host to implement boundaries for others children. Then presenting the child with chocolate after having dropped something on a white rug knowing they are sitting on suede cushions I just don’t get it! Again this is a parenting issue! I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them round again with child in tow which unfortunately usually means they don’t come. It’s sad but ultimately until they parent their child their relationships will suffer.

Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, someone posted on here not long ago about how her young dog had an accident in a garden centre and she was banned after offering to clean it up, and she was pretty much unanimously told (and bashed) that she was very unreasonable for not having her dog under control.

Woman posts about how a child ruins her furniture because his parents allow him to run around out of control in someone else’s house with food and smear chocolate all over a sofa, parents don’t even apologise or offer to clean it off, and she’s told it’s her fault and accidents happen

Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, someone posted on here not long ago about how her young dog had an accident in a garden centre and she was banned after offering to clean it up, and she was pretty much unanimously told (and bashed) that she was very unreasonable for not having her dog under control.

"I own a garden centre. A customer brought her dog in today and I could see it was going to pee - it was sniffing around and cocking its leg. I said nothing and now there place stinks of urine and the floor is stained. I don't want to say anything and upset the customer. AIBU?"

Would've got the same response as the OP.

You can either keep quiet and let people destroy your things OR you can speak up and keep your things nice. What's irritating is people who are complete doormats and refuse to use their words but moan about people taking advantage.

You should have been firmer but your friends have no fucking manners and even less sense. How could any normal person allow their child to make a mess like that in someone else's house. They should be offering a professional clean but more than likely they won't. I think you need to mention it to them, but i wouldn't hold out any hope of them doing anything to help.

This exactly. I understand how upset you must be and although you probably should have been firmer, these situations develop very quickly and it is actually quite difficult to be firm when the parents are standing there. They really should have taken control and respected your house and furniture.

OP, I would book a professional clean and I would also tell your friends that is what is needed to rectify the damage their child did. I'm hoping they will offer to pay but I'm not sure they will. If they were decent people they wouldn't have let that happen. I also wouldn't be having this family back EVER.

It's hard when you find out your friends are shit parents. It is their fault but also yours for not standing your ground. Lesson learned. You cannot say anything without ruining the friendship though they've unknowingly done that anyway.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl so the parents have no part to play in this at all? OP is supposed to parent their child? If they can’t control their child to the point he’s dropping and smearing food all around someone’s house, they shouldn’t be taking him to people’s houses.

Elsiebear90 The parents are clearly dicks as was the idiot who brought an untrained puppy into a shop. But the OP is the one here moaning and acting like she was powerless in the situation, which she wasn't. She could have prevented this so IMO she has no right to whinge about it.

I'd be grateful to have anyone else in my house right now

You need to work on your boundaries OP. This was not ok and should never have happened. However it did and this is what we pay House ins for , make a claim .