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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
TherapistInATabard · 07/04/2021 23:31

Does no one else think it’s the OP who wants to invite her girlfriends round and has kicked her fella out? He’s seen his arse so she’s posting here.

Hoolihan · 07/04/2021 23:32

Wouldn't mind at all going away (we often make ourselves scarce for e.g. girls film night) but not massively keen on a big lads weekend taking place in my house, just because of the mess etc.

ThereOnceWasANote · 07/04/2021 23:34

I'd thank them kindly for the offer, but suggest if they don't want the atmosphere of their party ruined by me being around, then they should be booking somewhere for themselves.

JackieWeaverFever · 07/04/2021 23:39

No
I wouldn't be offended. if my husband did this I know it would be a nice treat...

Wanderlust20 · 07/04/2021 23:40

Meh, they probably just wanted a guys/girls weekend so wouldn't bother me. If my husband had all his mates round, I'd probably want to scarper too (and vice versa).

mooonstone · 07/04/2021 23:41

I think they should go to the air bnb to be frank

Air bnb is just rude. It’s not necessarily going to be a comfortable hotel/apartment as airbnb has a wide range of quality

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/04/2021 23:43

@Thenanny23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

I'd be beyond offended if the group had been invited without discussion beforehand.

And I'd be wondering why the celebration was not being hosted at Birthday Boy/Girl's home, or at some "Air B&B in the nearest city centre".

It's my home. I should have been consulted and an agreement made between me an OH before any invites were made. And if I hadn't been, I'd be staying in my home and totally fucking with the dynamic, and OH would never pull a shitty stunt like that again.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 07/04/2021 23:46

@Wellpark

Not an effin chance!!! Sounds like they are planning to have sex workers round. Sorry but it's dodgy af!!!
Haha... what?
FelicityBeedle · 07/04/2021 23:46

Sounds lovely, I’m amazed at all the suggestions of prostitutes

theuncles · 07/04/2021 23:47

In theory it makes sense, and who wants to be around when they have a boys night in?? (Not that DH ever would - they've always gone out....). But I would worry about the state of the place afterwards, who had slept in which beds, used which bathrooms etc. DH is not housetrained and wouldn't know where to start with changing beds or any sort of 'proper' cleaning - I'm not sure I would relax in my lovely spa hotel.......

But as I said - DH wouldn't ask, he likes to go out. If he was a different sort of bloke and he did, then maybe a hotel stay would be amazing. I certainly wouldn't want to be home and excluded.

And in any event - I wouldn't be thinking sex workers, drugs or date nights.......Grin. But perhaps we're just dull.......

Workyticket · 07/04/2021 23:51

I'm planning to do this - for my hen do sometime in June. I'll be sending do and ds to the inlaws rather than a hotel though. No ulterior motive

DontBeRidiculous · 07/04/2021 23:52

I think part of the reason I'd be unimpressed at the suggestion is that I dislike hotels in general, and I never seem to sleep well in an unfamiliar bed. Most of the things I'd like to do during some time away from OH would involve lots of crafting supplies and tools that I can't easily take with me. I'm sure I'd end up forgetting something or wishing I'd packed XYZ. I'd probably end up just watching TV or reading all day and feeling blah about it.

It certainly wouldn't be a treat for me, and that's before taking into account that it's an Airbnb, not a luxury hotel or spa. If I did it, it would be as a favour for OH, and I wouldn't be very happy about it.

SD1978 · 07/04/2021 23:52

I would be a bit Hmm as to why my house was being used- but also would have no interest in being around a lads weekend in my own house either. But would also expect that it had been discussed as opposed to delivered as a fait acomplie as to what was happening.

Glitteringduck · 07/04/2021 23:54

Tell them you're not going anywhere as it's your home and to keep the noise down or politely f off 😊

Rollmopsrule · 07/04/2021 23:54

I wouldn't want to stick around anyway. I'd expect a nice hotel though Smile

waterlego · 07/04/2021 23:54

I’d be very happy with this. There are some lovely Airbnb’s around so I’d insist on a nice one and maybe invite a friend if I felt like having company. I’m very comfortable being on my own though, and would far rather be in a nice apartment or cottage on my tod with some nice food and good films to watch rather than trying to get to sleep at home while DH and his mates stayed up late and made a racket.

But I also think it is the OP that wants to invite female friends for a weekend and has suggested her OP might be happier elsewhere.

Veronika13 · 08/04/2021 00:00

@Eekay

I'd be deeply suspicious of the real reason my OH wanted me out of the way. Doesn't this strike you as extremely odd that he wants to oust you from your own home?
When I have girlfriends round (twice a year) I prefer my OH leaves, as the dynamics change and we talk about sex, miscarriages, infidelity, men's manhoods, our fears, our deep thoughts etc. we just feel comfortable if there isn't a guy listening to us.
Twoforthree · 08/04/2021 00:03

I can see why you being there would change the dynamic. I wouldn't be offended as long as I wasn't ordered to go.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/04/2021 00:03

When I have girlfriends round (twice a year) I prefer my OH leaves, as the dynamics change and we talk about sex, miscarriages, infidelity, men's manhoods, our fears, our deep thoughts etc. we just feel comfortable if there isn't a guy listening to us.

Yeah.

We used to do that once one went to stay with mates, next time the other did. So we planned our parties like that for the same time.

DishingOutDone · 08/04/2021 00:12

I organised a "boys night out" for my husband's 50th just in a local pub, it was a surprise event dropped him off and he walked into the function room, all pals there. When I was planning it some of the wives wanted to know why they weren't invited, even though they knew I wasn't going, they were still quite put out. I think some of them might be on this thread! It always genuinely puzzles me why some couples can't do things on their own with different groups of friends, all male, all female or just couples from the book club or just old school friends or whatever.

As long as no one is being forced out then why on earth would it be "rude" as a PP exclaimed?

Ninkanink · 08/04/2021 00:15

I wouldn’t at all be offended to be asked, in other words consulted and my agreement given, before plans are made. And I’d be very happy to have a couple of nights in a hotel/b&b. I absolutely wouldn’t be impressed if I was told I couldn’t be present in my own home, though.

And if, as I suspect, the partner is female and is having her female friends over, I do think it’s absolutely right that it’d be nicer and more comfortable for the women if there isn’t a man around.

Sex of either party aside, if you’re the organising party and you want to make this request of your OH, please do ask him or her first before plans are made!

Also 🙄🙄 at sex party/sex workers.

EmpressSuiko · 08/04/2021 00:16

No way would I be kicked out of my own house!

PutItInNeutral · 08/04/2021 00:23

Let them all go to a hotel, or VRBO / Airbnb. Have the house to yourself, they can celebrate without disturbing you.

Veronika13 · 08/04/2021 00:24

Come to this of it, my OH leaves for the evening and back for 10-11pm when we're wrapping up.
It is slightly different for him leaving for the whole weekend so I can have fun.
My situation is for when I have 'girl time'
If it was my bday I'd want my OH to be a part of it. Why are there no women involved in someone's bday? I'd be hurt if my OH didn't want me to celebrate his bday with him.
Actually - wtf 😆

Veronika13 · 08/04/2021 00:25

*come to think of it