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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 11/04/2021 06:09

I would be absolutely delighted. Bed to myself, no hosting or responsibility whatsoever to even look vaguely sociable. Sign me up!

My DH however would be a bit put out. Mostly because he likes his own bed and doesn’t like his own company as much as I do mine! So he’d be offended by an Air b’n’b but would probably arrange to go see a mate instead.

smaragda · 11/04/2021 06:18

In a normal year, I do this kind of thing-tell hubs to organize something for a specific night as I have the girls coming round. Nothing wrong with that at all. If it was the other way round, I would probably slope off to the bedroom with netflicks or a book and leave them to it, but would go away for the weekend if it was going to be a longer event

waterlego · 11/04/2021 07:54

You couldn't demand an all white or all black party, or all gay or all straight.

Well the person hosting the party just invites whoever they choose, surely? It is not misogyny or misandry to host a male/female only party.

Carryonlikeaporkchop · 11/04/2021 08:57

@waterlego

How do hen and stag parties work then?

waterlego · 11/04/2021 08:59

@Carryonlikeaporkchop, exactly. I’m assuming @MakeMathsFun thinks stag/hen parties constitute ‘bullying’. 🤷🏼‍♀️

2Rebecca · 11/04/2021 09:07

My husband and I would both hate this. We both work and both have hobbies that are best done with access to the house. My husband wouldn't like a hotel on his own eating on his own etc same here. All the women should go to a hotel when they are open again or rent a cottage for the weekend when restrictions lift. Air bnbs can be miserable

ZeroFuchsGiven · 11/04/2021 09:55

@MakeMathsFun

The UK legal definition of bullying includes excluding a person from an activity. I can't see why the party has to be single sex. Why not just invite mixed sex? In an age where both sexism and mysogeny are outlawed, there is no excuse to exclude a person from a party group just because of their sex, male, female or other gender. You couldn't demand an all white or all black party, or all gay or all straight. I have seen women friends in stag parties and men friends at hen nights. Its ok. It actually works ok. The old way of men in at the BBQ and women in the kitchen is antiquated, sexist, emotionally abusive and downright ignorant. If you are not offended by your OH on this occasion, then it is ok. However, as you are asking the question, then give this to your OH and his/her friends to read. I just hate single sex exclusive events, either male or female. It makes outsiders feel unwelcome and just amplifies the need for more equality. I have seen grown men cry with such exclusion, and grown women break bottles. Stereotyping needs dissolving, partly by eliminating single sex events. There can be no reasonable excuse for it.
This really is the thread that keeps on giving [grin ]
StoneofDestiny · 11/04/2021 10:07

Hell no - I'd expect the friend to have it at their own house or for them to book another venue. My issue would be the cleaning up afterwards for something that didn't involve me.

BillMasen · 11/04/2021 11:21

Just once I’d love one of the “how dare he make you leave your house” posters come back now they know it’s the other way round.

Brilliant thread, still people don’t read, just post

BillMasen · 11/04/2021 11:21

@StoneofDestiny

Hell no - I'd expect the friend to have it at their own house or for them to book another venue. My issue would be the cleaning up afterwards for something that didn't involve me.
You think the same now you know it’s the op with a girls only party?
Ninkanink · 11/04/2021 11:27

Yes @Thenanny23 How dare you want to throw a birthday party for your friend! Don’t you know she’s supposed to host it herself instead of you planning sex parties/drug taking/trashing the house/leaving your poor, poor OH to clean up!

Honestly staggered at the relationship dynamics people must be willing to put up with, if they seriously can’t expect to come back to a clean and tidy house!

(Also, just in case, I award you my first ever 10/10 ⭐️⭐️⭐️)

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/04/2021 11:30

@StoneofDestiny

Hell no - I'd expect the friend to have it at their own house or for them to book another venue. My issue would be the cleaning up afterwards for something that didn't involve me.
Why would YOU need to clean up after someon else's party😳
BBOA · 11/04/2021 15:41

Are they getting dec workers in or something?! Tell them to do one and stay somewhere else. Blummin cheak!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 11/04/2021 15:56

This must be on purpose now....

Christmasfairy2020 · 11/04/2021 15:58

Hmmm if I was having a temple Spa parry and Ann summers party no I wouldn't want my husband here

CustardySergeant · 11/04/2021 16:20

@SchrodingersImmigrant

This must be on purpose now....
I can't believe the number of posters who obviously didn't have the curiosity to see if the OP made any more posts, after the initial one, but just assumed they knew enough to comment. I don't think I've ever known a thread on which the OP only made 2 posts and the vast majority of people posting have only seen the first and got the wrong end of the stick! It's really weird isn't it?
Carryonlikeaporkchop · 11/04/2021 16:21

@SchrodingersImmigrant

This must be on purpose now....
I wish.

At least that would be funny Confused

Carryonlikeaporkchop · 11/04/2021 16:23

@CustardySergeant

It is indeed weird.

My big book of "people never to take advice from" is getting full Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 11/04/2021 16:26

@BBOA

Are they getting dec workers in or something?! Tell them to do one and stay somewhere else. Blummin cheak!
Dec workers? Like home makeover?? Cool
SleepingStandingUp · 11/04/2021 16:50

The UK legal definition of bullying includes excluding a person from an activity it is not bullying to not do every single activity with my husband. If your abusive ex wanted to come to your intimate birthday meal would you say yes because otherwise you're a bully??

I can't see why the party has to be single sex.
Whyy not just invite mixed sex?
Because her friends are women?

there is no excuse to exclude a person from a party group just because of their sex, male, female or other gender you can not invite anyone to your home you choose.

You couldn't demand an all white or all black party, or all gay or all straight is people are homophobic or racist they're unlikely to have black / gay friends so do you think Sally, the lesbian at no42 should be able to demand entry to their house whenever she wants because she can't be excluded??

The old way of men in at the BBQ and women in the kitchen is antiquated, sexist, emotionally abusive and downright ignorant people are allowed prefences. Personally I'd rather be drinking wine on the garden but I have no interest in making fire and burning steals thanks. Expecting me to do the BBQ because it would be emotionally abusive not to is frankly absurd.

If you are not offended by your OH on this occasion, then it is ok. However, as you are asking the question, then give this to your OH and his/her friends to read it's actually op that what's the single sex party and her male partner to leave.

I just hate single sex exclusive events, either male or female then don't go to them.

it makes outsiders feel unwelcome which outsiders? She's inviting her mates. Her partner isn't in that friendship Groupm. It isn't an open house.

I have seen grown men cry with such exclusion, and grown women break bottles from their partners doing something without them? Frankly I wouldn't want anyone who breaks bottles when they get upset at any party I was having and if you're crying because your partner has fun without you, you need therapy.

Stereotyping needs dissolving, partly by eliminating single sex events Bollocks. I can invite whomever I want to my partiesm. Inviting a token man because they have a penis would be offensive to the man.

There can be no reasonable excuse for it depending on where from, my friends are primarily female. All girls school. Uni just because the lads have fallen away over the years as we've had kids. My volunteer work would be mixed because it's a really diverse group. Adding men or women into a SOCIAL ACTIVITY on the basis of their genitals being otherwise missing is offensive.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/04/2021 16:56

Either its a suprise so can't be done at mates house or she's got kids. There's no way o could host a party here. 3 bedrooms, 3 kids. They're up from 6.30 onwards and young so no way out of them coming down in the morning.

@2Rebecca do you never go out on your own just for fun? Eat alone, movie alone, etc?

Ninkanink · 11/04/2021 17:01

@SleepingStandingUp kudos to you for even attempting to engage with that utter nonsense. I considered it for a brief moment but I feared my head would explode.

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