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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
Lalliella · 08/04/2021 00:38

Luxury spa hotel - yes
Cheap Airbnb - no

Returnoftheowl · 08/04/2021 00:40

I wouldn't be overly impressed at having to leave my house, it's my home!
I might agree if it was a hotel/spa/Airbnb of my choosing... As in somewhere more exciting than my local city centre!

Original poster
Thenanny23 · 08/04/2021 00:54

@CirqueDeMorgue

The 'sex party' posters are gonna feel very silly if it turns out this OP refers to a gathering of women...
Hi sorry, I was working, but you are indeed correct.

It’s inviting a group of women over for a weekend, and for those covid concerned it’s in June.
OH was ‘sort of’ consulted as knew friends would be visiting at some point this year for one night, but felt a bit cheeky pushing it to two. Can’t stay with ILs as they will be having building then work hence the offer.

Simply put the availability of larger rentals is scant due to demand, hotel rooms and studios less so.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 08/04/2021 00:55

I’m not generally keen on single sex gatherings that deliberately single sex, though. Makes me think it will be stereotypically sexist stag do type stuff for guys and I would be unlikely to be that happy, long term, with a guy who was in to that. So I wouldn’t be offended and, provided I was consulted beforehand and didn’t have it suggested after everything was booked in, I’d go along with it with good grace. But it would probably make me think twice about the relationship if I thought they were going to be indulging in porn or other stag-esque activities.

Erinaz · 08/04/2021 01:11

Tell them to go elsewhere for the party .

Coffeeisnecessary · 08/04/2021 01:16

I'm doing the same, group of friends coming to stay, my husband is going to stay in a hotel happily as he doesn't want to be there with us, I'd love the excuse to do the same for him!

HeronLanyon · 08/04/2021 01:18

If I were female (which I am) and the oh was male - I’d get it and possibly agree. I’d expect some discussion before the whole thing had been arranged though! ‘Know it’s a lot but would you mind’ and explanation of why friend isnt hosting himself etc.
If suddenly sprung on me probably not but that wouldn’t ever happen with my own oh and me.

If op is female and oh is female (for some reason not sure) then it simply wouldn’t happen surely ?

Bumpinthenight · 08/04/2021 01:26

If I was to arrange a party for my friends, I would discuss it with DH first. He would probably opt to go and visit his dad. If not, I'd offer him the role of butler in the buff and he'd soon disappear WinkGrin

If DH wanted a party, I would be offering to escape the noise, menu planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning! Smile

DYWMB · 08/04/2021 01:39

So long as it's not just someone being told to get out of their own house. I'd be happy to do a 2night stay in a hotel. Not air b&b though where I'd be stuck cooking for myself.

GreenSlide · 08/04/2021 01:51

YANBU to want some time with the girls without DH there. I would make some effort to help him to arrange something nice though, say invite a friend of his who lives far away or something, rather than just booting him out to an air b&b on his own.

BadNomad · 08/04/2021 01:56

I have a friend who wont go anywhere or do anything without her husband. It's just weird when he tags along. So I would say someone who is not part of the friendship group does change the dynamic. Male or female. But in this scenario I would discus it with my DP before any plans were made.

"DP, love of my life, I'm thinking about inviting the girls over to celebrate Jane's birthday in June. Do you want to try arrange something with your mates so you're not sitting here like a lemon? I'll fill you in on all the gossip after."

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/04/2021 02:05

In theory I wouldn't want to be the only female in a house full of belching,farting and noisy males.I'd wouldn't want to have them all spread over my lounge hogging the TV watching football or something.I also wouldn't want to spend the whole time running back and forth to the kitchen like Mrs.Doyle which is probably what would happen.So not being there would be better.

However I'd worried if I wasn't there what I'd have to clean up when I got home.

I'd be telling DH and friends they can piss off to a Air bnb or something similar instead.

eatsleepread · 08/04/2021 02:10

I'd be delighted with this arrangement!

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 08/04/2021 02:27

I'd have a weekend away - not sure I'd want to be dictated to about where I went - why only nearest city centre? go somewhere nice

unless close by & you "forget" something you have to return for & check out what's going on

FortunesFave · 08/04/2021 02:42

I'd be bloody thrilled. I hate parties and people and love staying in hotels and B&Bs. Why would I want to be the only woman present anyway?? It's not a big ask. If I asked my husband to go to a B&B for two days while I had "the girls' over, he'd be off like a shot.

subbysammiexoxo · 08/04/2021 03:10

re read this and realised they are looking for you to leave your own house get rid and cancel if you can immediately. Also query you OH as they invited them bet they suddenly 'disappear to go shopping' when the other people are in your house.

BadNomad · 08/04/2021 03:22

Busted, OP. You're clearly planning to visit a sex worker under the pretense of going shopping. You dirty bird.

safariboot · 08/04/2021 03:23

A man has far less reason to worry about his wife having her female friends round, than if the sexes are reversed, I think.

BadNomad · 08/04/2021 03:28

I dunno. The men I know just drink beer and play FIFA when they're together. The women get out the ouija board and try to talk to the dead lol. I know which I'd feel safer about.

jessstan2 · 08/04/2021 03:28

Oh well I doubt you want to be with a crowd of partying women for a weekend so enjoy your time away. However there aren't many men - or women - who would feel happy about actually being pushed out of their own house for a weekend because their partner was having a do with friends. It just seems a bit much.

Make sure you have really good accommodation in a nice area for your weekend away, no expense spared and all that.

Canigooutyet · 08/04/2021 03:35

I would laugh and say don't be so bloody ridiculous. I'm not leaving my home so you can host your mates birthday party for a weekend. I'm staying put to do whatever I would normally do and if you think I'm running around after you, you can think again.
Don't like it? Here's a suggestion tell the mate to find their own bloody accommodation to host this all weekender.

Fiercestcalm · 08/04/2021 03:42

I’d absolutely refuse, oh and the group can keep the noise, mess and any drunken behaviour to a minimum. I would not be offended it just would be a firm no, my home is my sanctuary and it being invaded would be a deal breaker.

FlyNow · 08/04/2021 03:55

I would be happy to go and have a change of scene for the weekend.

This thread is very coincidental for me as just today I was thinking that I'd love my DH to go away for a night while I host a party for my friends. I couldn't think how to ask though. Nothing dodgy or weird, I just like hosting and I'd love to get these friends together. DH wouldn't enjoy himself if he was invited.

andwaydowntheygo · 08/04/2021 04:11

I wouldn't entertain this suggestion at the moment. I don't want a large number of people staying at my home (especially if they've had to travel to get here) and I don't want to stay in an Airbnb or hotel. Because, Covid.

In normal times, I wouldn't be offended provided my partner had asked me at the right stage of planning (i.e. early on and before the party people even knew it was an idea) and if it was asked for the right reason. I'm not a fan of large groups - it's tolerable if they're my friends - but I'd find socialising in someone else's large group unbearable.

If one of the friends was coming early, I wouldn't mind hanging out briefly with that friend and my partner before I disappeared off to the Airbnb, but I wouldn't want to spend the whole weekend with all of them.

So, it could be a nice suggestion. It really depends on the spirit in which it's made.

redtshirt50 · 08/04/2021 04:19

I'd happily go and have no issues with it.

You're giving him plenty of notice so hopefully, he'll be able to arrange to see a friend that weekend so he's not sat on his own the whole time.

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