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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you say if partner made you this offer

497 replies

Thenanny23 · 07/04/2021 22:23

Put yourself in this scenario-

Childless married couple, your OH has invited a (single sex) group of friends to stay at your house to celebrate a friends birthday.

They suggest that you might want to not be in the house over the weekend as it may change the dynamic of the gathering and may be noisy/irritating for you.

They offer to book and pay for you to stay in an Air B&B in the nearest city centre for 2 nights.

Would you be offended by the suggestion?

OP posts:
Pesimistic · 09/04/2021 19:48

I'd be pissed off, I might have made my self scares anyway but to be asked or told I'd have to stay out I'd be wondering why and also the state of the house with a group of I presume men in thw house getting pissed up I wouldn't be able to relax

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/04/2021 19:49

Op tonight making sure the talent for the party is top notch

Liketoshop · 09/04/2021 19:50

When is this meant to be taking place exactly as assuming it'll be late June onwards re easing out of the global pandemic etc etc.
Is be furious that my home was set to be taken over so you have bargaining chips here....
Spa weekend for you, no expense spared.
Home to be cleaned as though they've never been there.
Thirdly bin your partner. You deserve better.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/04/2021 19:51

@Liketoshop

When is this meant to be taking place exactly as assuming it'll be late June onwards re easing out of the global pandemic etc etc. Is be furious that my home was set to be taken over so you have bargaining chips here.... Spa weekend for you, no expense spared. Home to be cleaned as though they've never been there. Thirdly bin your partner. You deserve better.
Yes, OP's partner. If you are reading it, you deserve better🙈 Bin her
Mamaof2males · 09/04/2021 19:53

I don’t know why you’d want to be there. You’ve been in lockdown with him the whole time in assume - he needs a break and so do you, I never hang around when my husband has his mates over / go out with them. They do not want a wife / female hanging about - it does change the dynamics completely - let him have some fun and you get some R&R or arrange time with your friends etc - everyone’s happy! I’d make it clear I wasn’t coming back to a mess so long as he understood I’d be out of there relaxing in a lovely hotel!

altiara · 09/04/2021 19:59

If it was me- I’d want a posh spa hotel, not air bnb. DH would probably like a spa hotel too.
Although I’d arrange my friends bring over at a more convenient time so he could visit a friend or family rather than feel like being kicked out.

daisyjgrey · 09/04/2021 20:02

My partner would say "it's Tom's birthday next month and was I thinking I could invite him, Dick, Harry and Ethelred over for the weekend, beers, PlayStation and takeaways", would you be ok with that? I did think that if you'd prefer not to be here for it then you might like to stay at X hotel for the weekend? The restaurant is nice and they have a pool".

To which I would say, that's fine, don't forget to take the dog out.

But I like my own company and when you share a house with someone it's probably quite nice to let each other have some space in it by themselves/with their friends to do what they want every so often.

Iwouldbecomplex · 09/04/2021 20:03

I'd be delighted but insist he paid for a cleaner to sort the house out before I came back too! Then I would invite a friend to stay in my paid for city room and have a fun night out

daisyjgrey · 09/04/2021 20:03

I just read your update. The situation and response would be the same if I were asking him that. The only difference is that he'd probably take a mate to the hotel 🤷🏻‍♀️

Iwouldbecomplex · 09/04/2021 20:05

Oh I'd expect to be asked about this before he'd committed to having everyone round though. Just like I would do for him. But I get where he's coming from - I want the house to myself when I have girl friends over. Having him there does change the dynamic

Beline4u · 09/04/2021 20:05

I'd tell them to book the b&b for themselves!! Feck that!

I love my space, I would feel pushed out from MY home to please another person. Hell no!

Mamajules43 · 09/04/2021 20:09

@daisyjgrey

My partner would say "it's Tom's birthday next month and was I thinking I could invite him, Dick, Harry and Ethelred over for the weekend, beers, PlayStation and takeaways", would you be ok with that? I did think that if you'd prefer not to be here for it then you might like to stay at X hotel for the weekend? The restaurant is nice and they have a pool".

To which I would say, that's fine, don't forget to take the dog out.

But I like my own company and when you share a house with someone it's probably quite nice to let each other have some space in it by themselves/with their friends to do what they want every so often.

This
AcornAutumn · 09/04/2021 20:34

I wouldn't be happy at being booted out without solid previous agreement.

Is the Air B and B meant to be incentive? 2 days and nights away from home in a stranger's home?

Sounds mean all round.

Runmybathforme · 09/04/2021 20:48

I’d be massively pissed off with my partner, and would be wondering what they were planning.

Holothane · 09/04/2021 20:51

They want to celebrate they go I do not leave my blu rays iPad for him to have music friends around, he sits with his friends me as long as I’ve access to my tv in bedroom I don’t care.

ZenNudist · 09/04/2021 20:51

I'd go and stay with my own friends. Would not want to spoil dhs weekend with friends. Nice to offer a b&b but I'd only do that with a mate.

AcornAutumn · 09/04/2021 20:58

Blimey
Has no one read OP update?

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!

psychomath · 09/04/2021 21:04

@waterlego

Be prepared for your usually lovely friends to treat your house like shit, because they will.

What evidence is there for this? I’ve had friends round for a women only night, OH has had friends round for a men’s night. We’ve also had mutual friends/couples round. A number of these occasions have involved people getting pissed. No-one has trashed the place.

The only time someone's trashed my flat during a drunken party it was me Blush
PaddingtonsSister · 09/04/2021 21:05

No chance would i be kicked out of my home so a load of drunk lads can go on the rampage

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/04/2021 21:06

@PaddingtonsSister

No chance would i be kicked out of my home so a load of drunk lads can go on the rampage
But what if it was load of drunk laddettes going on the rampage? 😁
Tempusfudgeit · 09/04/2021 21:10

Change the dynamic = we're getting a stripper round.

CustardySergeant · 09/04/2021 21:15

FFS! PLEASE read the OP's second post! It's not difficult. Just click on "See all" at the bottom of the opening post.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/04/2021 21:22

😁

What would you say if partner made you this offer
shouldistop · 09/04/2021 21:25

Wouldn't bother me at all.

I've asked dh to bugger off for the night with ds1 to his mums before so I can have friends round.

Mistymountain · 09/04/2021 21:27

I wouldn't leave. I'd suggest he booked an hotel or rented somewhere for a couple of nights.