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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never invited back?

519 replies

Lockdownlumpy · 06/04/2021 23:17

We have some couple friends that we have known for around 10 years. Over the years we've all moved house a few times. During a discussion with my OH today we realised that although we have hosted the other couple many times for drinks/lunch/dinner/ parties in all our houses (obv not much the last year thanks to covid) we have only been to their house once, for a birthday party. Whenever they suggest a catch up they either want to meet out somewhere or they say they are happy to come to us. Their house is a similar size to ours, nicely decorated and they are tidy people so I doubt they aren't inviting because of the house.
We get on well and enjoy their company but starting to wonder if it's odd that the invitations are never reciprocated.
Anyone else have friends like this?

OP posts:
Crumpetsforthequeen · 08/04/2021 18:50

@msTSwift she doesn't host everything so we don't have to, not quite sure how you got that idea, she just loves to host and insists upon it so she honestly is just a social person who loves to organise get togethers so nothing to feel sorry for.

godmum56 · 08/04/2021 18:50

I think it depends. I am widowed now but when we were a couple, we had some friends who we would entertain at home but others who didn't like dogs or lived a distance away from us and we had no overnight space for them and so on. We would host those friends at a pub or restaurant and cover the bill for the lunch or dinner. A good mate of ours lived in Scotland but came south on business. We would have him over for meals and very convivial nights, and he would reciprocate by taking us out to lunch or dinner during his visit.

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 18:52

[quote Crumpetsforthequeen]@msTSwift she doesn't host everything so we don't have to, not quite sure how you got that idea, she just loves to host and insists upon it so she honestly is just a social person who loves to organise get togethers so nothing to feel sorry for.[/quote]
Posters who don’t know her will have it that they know better though 😂

MsTSwift · 08/04/2021 18:53

Because that’s what you said! Poor woman.

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 18:54

@Crumpetsforthequeen, told ya

MsTSwift · 08/04/2021 18:56

“She hosts so we don’t have to worry about it”. Nice!

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/04/2021 18:59

So if you invited her over she'd actually say "Oh no, I prefer to do the hosting - come to mine instead" crumpets?
How convenient 😂

nopuppiesallowed · 08/04/2021 18:59

My mother in law used to say "There are people who host and people who go". We've hosted far more than most of our friends but I'm coeliac and also have IBS so people worry about inviting us and stress about 'poisoning' me. Yes - I wish things were different, but they're not!

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 19:00

@LynnShelley

My mother in law used to say "There are people who host and people who go". We've hosted far more than most of our friends but I'm coeliac and also have IBS so people worry about inviting us and stress about 'poisoning' me. Yes - I wish things were different, but they're not!
Ahh that’s a double whammy Flowers
momtoboys · 08/04/2021 19:01

I could be your friend too. Our house is fine but not set up well for entertaining. It seems that many of our friends have more room and a better set up. With that being said, every time I am invited anywhere we bring wine, flowers and many dishes if its a pot luck type of thing. If we order in we pay often and always pay more than our share. I guess that is the way I can justify almost never having people over.

Crumpetsforthequeen · 08/04/2021 19:03

@msTSwift no what I said is she loves hosting and does it because she wants to, not what your suggesting that she does it all for us because we don't want to, if anyone says they could potentially do it she always says no don't worry we'll have it at mine I've already got ideas. I'm not using her as a party slave 😂

@Fembot123 I know right? Silly me for thinking I know my friend and how she is 😂 can't say anything these days.

MsTSwift · 08/04/2021 19:04

I am hosting right now 😁 12 year olds pals are in the garden I’m shovelling pizza in the oven for them. Gales of laughter...

MsTSwift · 08/04/2021 19:05

She sounds like your maid crumpets. Oh for a friend like that...

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 08/04/2021 19:05

[quote Crumpetsforthequeen]@msTSwift she doesn't host everything so we don't have to, not quite sure how you got that idea, she just loves to host and insists upon it so she honestly is just a social person who loves to organise get togethers so nothing to feel sorry for.[/quote]
I got the same idea as @MsTSwift because you wrote
* 'Luckily we have a friend that loves having people over so she hosts everything and we don't have to worry about it.*'

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 19:06

I’m glad your 12 year old is having a nice time, it must be nice to hear them all laughing

MummyJ12 · 08/04/2021 19:09

@MsTSwift

I am hosting right now 😁 12 year olds pals are in the garden I’m shovelling pizza in the oven for them. Gales of laughter...
Wishing you luck! Smile enjoy your well deserved glass of wine afterwards
Itsalonghaul · 08/04/2021 19:09

crumpets that is what YOU think but I am sure she quietly thinks you are a CF. I do, and I don't even know you. You sound incredibly rude and entitled.

What don't you offer to host her, make her sit down - give her a glass of your best wine and tell her not to move a muscle as you are doing it all this evening. I bet she would love it! Show some appreciation for the friendship. Takers have one thing in common, a complete lack of self awareness.

Harls1969 · 08/04/2021 19:10

Like many others, I hate hosting. If I go to theirs, I can leave when I've had enough, rather than clock watching and hoping they'll bugger off so I can put my PJs on and have a glass of wine in peace

Itsalonghaul · 08/04/2021 19:10

I was enjoying the wonderful feeling of being on a thread about something other that COVID folks!! What bliss!!! We will be getting the MIL threads soon....

Enjoy MsTSwift so lovely to hear the sounds of children's laughter again! Wine

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 08/04/2021 19:24

[quote Crumpetsforthequeen]@msTSwift no what I said is she loves hosting and does it because she wants to, not what your suggesting that she does it all for us because we don't want to, if anyone says they could potentially do it she always says no don't worry we'll have it at mine I've already got ideas. I'm not using her as a party slave 😂

@Fembot123 I know right? Silly me for thinking I know my friend and how she is 😂 can't say anything these days.[/quote]
You’re completely taking advantage of your lovely friend.

Luckily she doesn’t see her house as ‘private’, or you’d be at home doing your own cooking - instead of being fed, watered, wined, dined and waited on, each and every time - with absolutely zero intention of ever putting your hand in your pocket, or going to a bit of effort.

We see you.

GlamourSpider · 08/04/2021 19:25

I'm guilty of this, spent a lot of years living in a flat that was way too small for entertaining and now kind of forget I could host in my house!

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 08/04/2021 19:26

@Harls1969

Like many others, I hate hosting. If I go to theirs, I can leave when I've had enough, rather than clock watching and hoping they'll bugger off so I can put my PJs on and have a glass of wine in peace
Yet another selfish, cheap, taker.

It’s the sheer willingness to come into the thread and openly out yourself as such, that amazes me.

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 19:26

We see you

This phrase is getting a good old over using

SmellsLikeWineIGuess · 08/04/2021 19:28

There’s just so many takers that think they’re not being unreasonable - and they’re all unearthing themselves on this thread...

Fembot123 · 08/04/2021 19:28

It’s the sheer willingness to come into the thread and openly out yourself as such, that amazes me

You’re easily amazed