Yes, I think some people don’t realise that hosting is actually effort and work for anyone who does it. Those hosting are usually happy to do it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t involve effort in tidying and planning and quite likely cost too and often tidying up after. It isn’t that anyone loves the tidying and cleaning .....so those who say they don’t hist becaue they don’t like those things.....recognise the people you visit don’t live them either, but they put themselves out for you....and are willing to do it, but don’t I’d yourself that somehow they love that stuff when you hate it. It’s just that they are willing to put in the effort and accept that sometimes we do and need to do things that aren’t our favourite.
Some people seem to have taken the view these days that they shouldn’t do anything they find hard or don’t love doing. It’s an excuse not to do all kinds of things and they seem to think it’s unquestionable. They don’t like people coming into their house....so they won’t have people in,but they are very happy to go into others’ houses. They don’t like tidying up or cooking, so they won’t do those things, but simply go to others houses and eat the food they cook for them. It’s all very one way. And they seem to think that’s absolutely fine.
Some people are anti-social and don’t accept invitations or invite anyone else. Fine. But if you do accept invitations, I think you really should think about how you might reciprocate friendship and not just be the person who takes all the time, as has been said multiple times, it doesn’t have to be identical reciprocity and often there are reasons why that can’t happen, but SOMETHING which shows a willingness to put yourself out for your friends.
Some people talk about hosting on here in a way which I think does terrify people. They are talking about big parties for large numbers with catering and large cost and days of work. I’m not surprised some people get worried when they think this is what hosting and reciprocity is about. Honestly, it doesn’t have to be anything like this. It could be inviting people for cake in the garden, or for a picnic in a public place, or for a meal in a pub, or for a takeaway in the house or garden. It could be for nibbles and a DVD or it could just be for a coffee.
Most people are more interested in a warm welcome and friendliness than if the house is spotless or you are offering haute cuisine. Friendship isn’t about showing off is it...it’s quite simply about time together. Usually that does require a venue and most people like food and drink, which is why it often does end up at peoples houses and involve food, but you can show friendship out and about in all kinds of places. Most people just love to be invited to something.
After a year of a pretty blank diary, to have been invited to a couple of friends’ gardens over the last week has been amazing. One invited me for hot cross buns last weekend. We sat for a couple of hours and drank coffee and ate hot cross buns and cake until we got too cold. Another invited me to sit by their fire pit for wine and crisps. Both were lovely. Next week we will meet with friends who live a distance away in some woods which are half way to eat a picnic. We will each bring some bits to share. It was our idea and we ‘invited’ the others, although there is no hosting involved in this, the friends were still really glad to be asked. My DC have had 2 friends each to sit in the garden and eat pizza over the last couple of days. One of them has invited DC back for similar next week. We don’t usually do as much as this but we haven’t seen friends for a long time and are catching up. Actually, not being able to have people indoors makes it easier and less effort. We aren’t looking at full scale meals and it being cold meals things aren’t running late into the evening although they might happen more in the summer as it warms up. I’d imagine there might be some BBQs or takeaways in the garden.