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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter looks like her Dad :-(

492 replies

Dorset555 · 06/04/2021 15:43

Hi I'm really annoyed that I'm so annoyed about this but my first child (7 week old daughter) looks just like my partner. She has done since she was born and everyone says it...his family. My family ..everyone. any photo we put online is followed by a barrage of comments to him 'oh she's your double' etc.
Firstly I don't want my daughter to look like a 40 year old man. Secondly am I being unreasonable, but I feel really jealous and upset that she doesn't look like me. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into making her and now spend 90% of my time looking after her and I just don't see any of myself in her appearance and literally all of him. To make things worse my partner is not really enjoying being a new dad and I'm trying to help him adjust but I don't even feel he really likes her yet. It all seems very unfair.
I keep checking myself though as I'm so grateful she's a happy healthy baby and this is really very unimportant. But I have to say its getting me down a bit. Am I being unreasonable? Thanks for any comments/advice.

OP posts:
Horehound · 08/04/2021 10:40

@Sarahtrue11

My mother always hated me because I looked like my dad, and nothing like her.

She would say to me all the time, "your cousin michellelooks like me, you don't"..

Do women actually know that they don't create the baby by themselves? that it. has 50 % DNA of another person?

I am getingfed up of mothers who think that because they grow the baby inside them, that they 100% own the baby. You don't. Another human being was involved in a lot of their creation, not just you

What a horrible post.
SeaSunandSand · 08/04/2021 10:52

Better than her looking like the milkman! Grin

JonSnowIsALoser · 08/04/2021 10:59

@Horehound
How is that a horrible post? You refer to the poster's mother's attitude right? Not to the post itself which is just 100% basic truth?

FreyaonFire · 08/04/2021 11:45

You've just had a baby. Your first child. You're bound to be in dazed and confused state where small things seem incredibly important and big things fall off your radar. I'd worry less about who your healthy daughter looks like, and see with your husband what steps he can take to bond better with his baby. You're going to need his support all the way - anything he can do to make this journey smoother for the 3 of you now is going to help you incredibly. Best of luck with it all, and I wish you beautiful times ahead with your little girl.

notdaddycool · 08/04/2021 12:20

At least she doesn’t look like the postman.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 08/04/2021 12:22

Both my dc are miniature DH..... it seems my genes are virtually invisible!! They are like him in temperament too.

I do get a bit fed up at the constant “oh! They’re the absolute double of aren’t they?!” But what can you do.

Mrsmurp2be · 08/04/2021 12:45

My two boys look so much like their dad, like you it was all I ever heard but as my oldest (hes 7) has grown he is me in everything but looks, he acts like me has my temper even my artist skill, we love the same things hate the same things he is my mini me lol

adrianmolesmole · 08/04/2021 13:15

not much you can do about it! And she may have some of his features but she's not going to look like a 40 year old man, so chill out!

Unless she develops a combover and a beer belly I wouldn't worryGrinGrin

Pinkyavocado · 08/04/2021 13:37

YABU - don’t be ridiculous. None she’s young and will change and second, who cares?

I have three kids, none of them look anything like me at all. Not one feature. They’re all dark haired and dark eyed too whereas I’m blonde and blue eyed. Not bothered in the slightest.

As for your partner, that’s completely natural. I didn’t enjoy being a mother for about the first seven months. I went through all the motions but has no real love at all. It’s overwhelming! You don’t need to support him through it. It’ll figure itself out.

DeepThinkingGirl · 08/04/2021 13:53

OP, I feel your frustration though. When my DD was a baby the only thing she seemed to get from me were her dimples (in her cheeks). All DH’s brothers have dimples on their chins. I used to counter the “She looks exactly like DH” comments with “At least she has my dimples.” I said this once to MIL, who straightaway said, “But BIL has dimples!” OMG - just let me have this one tiny part of my baby, please! But many years later she looks nothing like them, and very much like me.

Totally sympathise lol. Does sometimes feel like another way for in laws to be dismissive of our contributions. I do sometimes wonder whether it is a passive aggressive way to make the mother feel unimportant.

Proudofmynane · 08/04/2021 14:06

Are you feeling OK? It sounds as if this is getting on top of you a little. Maybe you need to chat to your partner about how YOU feel, or your health visitor maybe. If it helps my youngest girl was her Dads double and now, shes still dark like him instead of fair like 'us' but she has my nose and my cheekbones and my generous smile (big mouth)!! Babies change so much over time!! Try and take some time out for you and leave your Daughter with her Dad. Even if its just popping out for a walk, or finally being able to go for a coffee!!

Bippityboo2 · 08/04/2021 14:45

My daughter was born the absolute spit of her dad, to the extent the midwife said "well there's definitely no need for a DNA Ttest here" 🤣.

Fast forward to 3.5 and she is my double, hard to tell us apart in pics from the same age.

I'm sure she'll change again, my older daughter inherited her dad's colouring blonde and blue eyed. It's darkened as she's gotten older, she's 17 now and there's more than a passing resemblance to me. She still looks more like her dad but she's definitely inherited some of my features. I always took strongly after my dad's side of the family, but now my I look like my mum did at my age. You just never know.

Anyway, blame the hormones, they're making you feel like this.

Aweebawbee · 08/04/2021 14:54

My son looked just like his dad when he was a baby, then he turned into the spitting image of me, now (early 20s) he is back to being his dad again.

My other child went from granny to dad to me

Apparently it's due to hormone surges at various stages of development.

Bonbud · 08/04/2021 14:55

@Dorset555

Thanks all I needed to hear that! Have given myself a metaphorical slap with a kipper :-)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
PandJsmummy · 10/04/2021 01:18

My nephew (dh side) was the spitting image of his dad, dark hair and unibrow. Within 2 years he had curly blonde hair, spitting image of his mother. Babies change.
My dh didn't have all that much to do with our dc until they were at least 1 years old. When they were walking and talking. I think he just didn't know what to do with them so left it to me.

HOkieCOkie · 08/05/2021 16:30

You might want to delete this op the vile daily mail journos are picking up scraps again

Cryalot2 · 13/05/2021 17:05

Your baby is only 7 weeks give it time.
I will get flamed for this but, you got a healthy baby, not everyone does. You feel upset because you carried and gave birth yet people think it does not look like you. Your baby and is healthy and at home with you that is wonderful enjoy .

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